MESSIAH

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 11:00:00 +0000

1 Peter 2:6

For in Scripture it says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."

It's never a bad idea

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 03:41:00 +0000

1. To say I love you.

2. To offer a cup of coffee.

3. To write a thank you note.

4. To use more Christmas lights.

5. To mail a birthday card.

6. To pray.

7. To apologize.
8. To forgive.

9. To make a pot of soup from scratch.

10. To take photographs.

Undeserved Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Have you ever criticized someone only to realize after the fact that there was a reason for their behavior? And then felt like a monster for being too hard on the person? Well, I have.

Have you ever rolled your eyes or dug in your heals or chosen sarcasm or silence when someone disappointed you to find out later that there was pain in their life that made pleasing you just too difficult? And realized that your gentleness and grace would have soothed a wound and instead you created a new one?

I have.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of impatience or anger and thought, "If you knew what I was going through, you wouldn't do this to me." I have. Have you ever just been too worn out and sad to explain yourself so you just took the assault and sunk a little lower? I have.

I'm trying to remove myself from this cycle of giving and receiving hurt by withholding grace. I've come to understand that on my part, I am deciding whether or not someone deserves my grace or my boot heel. How sinful my heart can be. There is no deserving grace, or mercy for that matter. How dare I dole it out as though able to judge those who should be comforted and those who should be...discomforted.

When I am vulnerable and weak I need to take responsibility for myself and give some explanation for myself, even if it's simply to say that I'm having a bad day and please excuse me. Of course, I cannot have a year's worth of bad days to excuse continuous bad behavior and attitude!

When I play the part of the bearer of grace, I must give it open-handedly. As though I've got all the mercies of heaven at my fingertips, I will cover your wounds with kindness.

Because in fact, do I not have all the mercies of heaven already applied to my own wounds?

It is not giving, only sharing what I've been given.

Without deserving, just as I have received.

Counting Down to Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:02:00 +0000

I think I think I think we're ready for Christmas! Not completely and entirely done with everything, does anybody get completely and entirely done with everything? But shopping is 99% complete and today I promise to finish my wrapping. Our decorating inside is complete but the Mr. has decided to put lights outside because as we were driving down our street about halfway down the block (on our half) all of the lights stop. I mentioned this must be the Muslim end of the street and he decided that we need to be lit up to clarify our faith!
I worked the weekend which always makes me feel like my home life is in limbo and covering the hospital next Saturday as well but hoping to work from home in which case I have penciled in baking. I've also sent Mac's girl Lexi a message to see if I can't lasso her in to be a baking assistant.
New Santy Claus pajamas to wear on Christmas Day (which I'm working!) are purchased. Obviously I am going to have to wear something a bit more professional to work and then change! Even the stocking stuffers are stocked.
And can I take a moment to say how much I appreciate my Mr.? He does all of the shopping and wrapping for Daboyz and does a good portion of the rest of the wrapping as well. He put up the tree, although I did help hang ornaments! And now he's going out into the wilderness to light up the bushes.
So happy planning and celebrating!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Psalm 16:11

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Simple Pleasures

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 11:00:00 +0000

1. Honey.

2. Fireplace.

3. Lemons.

4. Flannel pajamas.

5. Reading in bed.

6. Audio books in the car.

7. Old hymns.

8. Cinnamon scented candles.

9. Hot cocoa from scratch.

10. Christmas lights.

Dear Lord

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:58:00 +0000

The patient was expecting to be discharged but his doctor wasn't in yet. He wasn't trying to cause problems but wanted to make sure I understood his urgency. Two worries. Number one, he wanted to coordinate as closely as possible to the bus schedule because he didn't want to stand outside any longer than necessary. Secondly, he wanted to get in line early at the shelter so they didn't run out of beds. Being discharged from the hospital with no one to pick you. A good night defined by 8 hours inside instead of out side. Tomorrow's cold winds will come soon enough when the doors lock again until sundown.
And my electric mattress pad isn't heating up as warmly as it used to.
I really can't think of anything else to say.

Submission or Obedience?

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:02:00 +0000

Mark 4:40,41 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?
And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?

Trees falling and drivers with knitted brow trying to keep their cars in their lanes have marked the high winds of this afternoon. Giggles about messy hair echo through the hall during shift change. My silly dog seems to walk sideways with unnecessarily high steps.

As I put my keys into my back the chimes on our deck sound like gentle church bells, deceptively sweet in the powerful wind.

Mighty winds.

Mighty God.

Far from me is the idea that I should speak better words than the gospel. Abide with me for just a moment then. Because it is not the winds that obey my God today. It is He who directs the wind where it should blow; the submission of creation that dares not question. It is He who breathes the wind into existence.

It is only the prideful man who stops to consider obedience.

How much wiser the winds than I.

Brothers

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 23:22:00 +0000

Spoke with Dean's sister today and his brother, Dennis, is hospitalized with cellulitis and possibly a stroke. Please be in prayer for him, he also has cancer of the liver.
A word of praise; Danny, who was severely burned a few months ago, has been transferred to a rehab. He still has a tracheotomy but is learning how to walk! The staff at the facility have nicknamed him Miracle Baby because they have never seen anyone survive the injuries he sustained. He is experiencing tremendous pain when he attempts to stand and they are working on finding out the cause so that he can continue with the work of walking on his own.
Thank you for your ongoing prayer for Danny and I thank you in advance for your intercession on behalf of Dennis.

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 12:03:00 +0000

My headache is not gone but! it's not as bad! Thank you Jesus. It felt so good to be back at work yesterday. Another reason for praise; the Mr. got notification on Saturday that he was laid off this week. Yesterday he was called back in starting today!
With some gentle loving not so gentle nudging from a very close work friend; I applied to the BSN program and will start school again in the Fall. Have been putting this off and less than excited about the whole thing although I realize that more education is never a mistake. Well, yesterday I got that sit-down conversation that only real friends will give you including a presentation of the research of which school seemed the best choice. Nothing left but to apply and no excuses were accepted so; there you have it!
Had my annual performance evaluation as well which I actually really look forward to. My boss scored me higher across the board than I had scored myself and my one "opportunity" for "growth" (HR mumbo jumbo talk!) was exactly the same item I have identified. And it was nice to be able to check DONE on last year's career goal of applying to an undergrad nursing program! Got that in right at the last moment!
Snow is rolling in so drive carefully and don't forget to intercede in prayer for those without enough food, a warm home or the basics needed for winter. And if you aren't one of those in need of that prayer; a moment of thanks as well.

Ba-dum-bum-bum

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 10:48:00 +0000

Happy to say I'm going to work today! I'm feeling almost back to normal except for this horrific sinus headache that nothing is touching. Dayquil, Benadryl, Tylenol, Motrin and any combination therein only helps enough to let me fall asleep at night. Not to mention that enough of this junk starts to upset my stomach. Even my teeth hurt!
The Mr.'s folks seem to be settling in finally. His dad goes back to the doctor on Friday. Dean no longer feels that he has to go to their apartment every single day. He checks in by phone daily and stops in a few times to week and they are doing well.
This weekend was spent mostly at home for me. Still not feeling entirely well so I didn't want to push myself and end up with another sick week. I put some finishing touches on my Christmas decorations (although is it ever really finished?) We hung a few things on the walls that have needed a little something. I remember a while ago Miss Terry took us on a photo tour of her wall hangings, those personal touches really do make a house a home. I hung a wreath over our bed and put our freshly laundered red comforter (thank you Mom) back on. I usually don't use a dust ruffle but this weekend we flipped the mattress and added a green dust ruffle to match our pistachio green walls. I like it! We also picked up a $7 throw pillow from Garden Ridge in red, green and gold with an old fashioned reindeer on it. I've always thought the house in Home Alone was fabulous and I've convinced myself that the master bedroom had some subtle Christmas decorations. Maybe I made the whole thing up.
I dragged myself to the hair dresser Friday evening but haven't done my hair since trying to hold off the first washing to protect the new color but this morning I'm looking rather like a blond Heat Miser so it's a good thing that a shower is first on this morning's list!
What else can I tell you? I made peasant soup yesterday as well as corned beef slow cooked with red skins, carrots and onions. Yum! Nothing like Christmas decorations and a house filled with good oven scents to usher in the holiday spirit!
Well, that's it for me. Time to hop in the shower and tame this hair (which is literally standing straight up from me running my hands through it massaging my aching head.) Looking forward to getting back into the swing of things at work. On Friday I am venturing out to finish my Christmas shopping. In the meantime, I've entered that season of being very intentional in enjoying the sights, smells and sounds of Christmas and allowing this most sacred time to sweeten my spirit and to rediscover the child's heart of celebration.
Love & joy unto you!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Nehemiah 8:10

Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our LORD: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 12:22:00 +0000

1. Worked yesterday; off today. Still not quite up to par.
2. This house is a hot mess; someone needs to clean it. Hello, my name is someone.
3. Mac is off hunting with my dad. He was baffled by the plan to hunt from a condo. "What are we gonna do, open up a window and point our guns at the woods?"
4. Bought a Holiday Berry scented refill for my Yankee Candle plug-in. Smells Christmasy!
5. Time on the couch gave me some time for quiet prayer; a good thing no matter the circumstance.
6. The Mr. headed for Kohl's at 6 a.m.to Christmas shop. Better him than me!
7. Why does Donny have to lay his heavy hound head on my left arm while I'm typing?
8. Thinking of making a pot of peasant soup and some grilled cheese for dinner.
9. Also thinking of laying around on the couch some more.
10. The big plan for the day is to flip my mattress. Updates to follow.

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 13:18:00 +0000

I have finally admitted it; I'm sick. Again! It seems like this has been a rough year for me in terms of sick days. I called in yesterday and today. Today it seems I feel a little better though. Yesterday I couldn't even finish my coffee! AND I cancelled my hair appointment! I'd like you to pray with me that I can go back to work tomorrow.
The Mr. put up our Christmas stuff so if one has to be stuck at home sick, it's rather a pretty place to recover. On my way home from work Monday I forced myself to stop in at the library despite feeling like some cooties were creeping up on me so I've a lovely stack of books to enjoy. Should I be honest I would tell you that yesterday I didn't even take a shower or get dressed! Yuck! Didn't make my bed, didn't put my dishes in the dishwasher; didn't do nothing but read and sleep! I think my mom came over to return a comforter she washed for me. Not sure.
But sheesh, even after my surgery I showered and made my bed every day! So I guess maybe I really am sick. I promise, however, to shower and put on clean pajamas today. Can't stand to be with myself at the moment! Afterward I can't promise much more than a book and a nap but it's a step in the right direction. I don't think it's the flu, feels more like an upper respiratory situation.
That's all the news from this end of town. I am about to pour a second cup of coffee and read a few more chapters then head for the shower. I'm taking baby steps, I'll shower but I don't see much blow drying and styling in the immediate future!
Take care, cover your cough and wash your hands!

My Grown Up Christmas List

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:00:00 +0000

No more lives torn apart, That wars would never start, And time would heal all hearts.
Everyone would have a friend, And right would always win, And love would never end.

I heard this song the other day, never paid much attention to it before. Can't say it's one of my favorites. It's on the same list as "Do They Know It's Christmas?" But that last phrase caught my attention..."love would never end." Seriously, can love end? We attach the word to too many things that are temporary so it seems that love, by association, can end. The romantics out there would like to say that true love never ends. So if it ends, it wasn't meant to be. I have a different notion.

The day that the Mr. informed me he no longer loved me, I was flat-out shocked. Panicked, speechless, terrified. I don't know what business I had being any of those things since I'd spent a good many discussions telling him how I could stop loving him at any given moment and walk away without a glance back. Imagine my surprise when he called my bluff, he'd learned that us not loving one another was an option he could live with. My assumption had been the very threat of it was going to keep him in line. So our love ended?

I've buried four grandparents in the last several years. I was close to each of them in a different way. Grandparents have that special kind of love, the love that you don't ever wonder about. You know, your parents are ruining your life, your siblings are your arch enemies, the teachers hate you, the kids at school don't like you, the cutest boys don't notice you. But your grandma and grandpa...they love you like crazy. None of my grandparents died following lengthy illnesses. It was all with a week or two to start to think about the fact that they were probably going to pass away soon and then they were gone. My Grampa Gerhardstein was first, had a heart attack and his second bypass from which he never recovered. My Grandpa Trent was next; another heart attack in his home. He died before the ambulance arrived. Gramma Gerhardstein looked like she had Alzheimer's but with much pushing from all of us her doctors discovered cancer throughout her body and she died a few weeks later. Grandma Trent went to the hospital with complaints of abdominal pain and was diagnosed almost accidentally with cancer. She was gone within several days. Each of their passings was difficult and yet; not so difficult. There's the mystery of love; a husband in the bed next to you whose love has ended and four people whose funerals you attended and their love survives.

Daboyz have certainly tested the theory of mother's love. From not wanting to even be pregnant to being certain I was entirely unqualified to be someones parent to being sure one more 2 a.m. feeding would send me around the bend to feeling burdened by the weight of children to just the general feeling of wanting to slap them in the head repeatedly...love has found a new description. All of the negative residing within walls of devotion.

I love coffee, jeans, pajamas, my house, clean sheets, the smell of fresh cut grass, my fireplace, my truck, my job, my wedding ring, Christmas trees, weekends, Thanksgiving dinner, music, Donny, old photographs, reading, good hair days, Organza perfume, Gold Toe socks, e mails, the Hustle, laughing, etc.

I don't know which ones of the above would qualify as love that never ends. Parents hurt and abandon their children. Divorces happen. We seem to constantly love and then leave. Then again we also learn to love better in some cases.
The obvious is that the love of God is the only love that never ends. Even my love for him, should I be honest, has its moments of wax and wane.

Love, for me, is like the ocean. I can be miles away and entirely sure of it. I can stand on the shore and admire its beauty and never touch it. I can sail across it and walk away on the other side. I can swim in it and be fully immersed in the power of if, greater than that of myself. Surrendering to the ocean means being swept away in its current and sometimes being pulled into its undertow. It can be glorious and terrifying all at once. In its comparison, I become almost invisible in my smallness.

So much to learn about love it is no wonder that we look to elderly couples after sixty years together and crave their wisdom. I think it takes a lifetime of learning to know love.

No, love doesn't end. It is we who pull ourselves to shore and walk away looking for another place more beautiful.

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 21:13:00 +0000

Job 12:12-13

Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding? To God belong wisdom and power...

I don't understand...

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 13:48:00 +0000

1. Shopping on Black Friday
2. Going to bed with a dirty kitchen
3. People who say, "you know how I feel" but won't say, "I love you."
4. Not drinking coffee
5. Why I overeat
6. Sleeping until noon
7. Christmas specials on DVD, doesn't that make them not special?
8. Having ungroomed nails (gross!)
9. Waiting until the light comes on to put gas in the car
10. People who don't like to read

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 13:03:00 +0000

Forever on Thanksgiving DayThe heart will find the pathway home.

~Wilbur D. Nesbit

Let The Holidays Comence

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:45:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!
As far as I am concerned, we have entered the final 24 hour countdown to the official start of the holiday season. I love this time of year; and I'm all the more thankful in the remembering of years I didn't love the holidays. Years when we were a couple charading as happy, when I knew in September that we'd be choosing Christmas gifts over mortgage payments, when the dread of the bill collector's phone calls were like a giant wall preventing me from seeing any beauty in the season.
How divine is it, as in the birth of Divinity Himself, that such pain can be the seed of greater joy?
Part of that joy is, of course, the simple reality that the financially lean times are less lean now. But the greater portion is the growing up I've done and the peace in my spirit that increases every year not to mention the maturity of my marriage that has outgrown the arguments about money and presents. I have outgrown the propensity for a disappointing holiday season.
Two days ago I was driving home and noticed a neighbor down the block had Christmas lights up and shining, it was so exciting! I wanted to send them a thank you card for ushering in the celebration before us!
All is not perfect in my life (or my body or my bank account!) But all is well with my soul.

Clarification

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:07:00 +0000

Regarding Adam Lambert; whose AMA performance I did not see live...please do not make this a matter of homosexuality and what might be perceived as my bigotry. Smut is smut. I don't want to see this behavior between two men, two women or any combination thereof. I am offended by the cheapening of the passion that was created by God to establish a relationship set apart from all others into a sideshow.
We have become accustomed to sharing that part of our lives that was once hidden. How then, do our children call sacred what we have called common?
No, it isn't that I am unable to acknowledge passion or sexuality. It isn't that I am embarrassed or ashamed of acts of intimacy. It is that you cannot scatter the ground with diamonds and think they will retain their value.
We have scattered the ground with sex and in the process, the value of love is destroyed.

Ramblings

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:19:00 +0000

I just got up and I feel like the day is going to be too short! Days off always are. I am finishing up my last load of laundry, need to run the vacuum and then to the Folks. Dean's back to work after a three week lay-off which is obviously GOOD news. But they need some housework done and a few groceries picked up. I am hoping that will only be a few hours so I can get a little bit of me stuff done this afternoon.
I have had a sinus headache since yesterday that I can't shake and my joints are achy. Yesterday I was freezing until I finally got into bed and so exhausted after work I zonked out on the couch. I am hoping this is just a combination of Michigan weather and work weariness because being sick is not acceptable. Both of the Mr.'s folks are sick, seems like head colds. No fevers and I'm praying that this isn't the start of the flu.
But anyway, isn't it a beautiful cold Autumn morning? I miss the Mr. after having him here for three weeks but then again, I remember how much I like quiet mornings with my cup of coffee and my thoughts. After talking to some people about caring for their parents, the challenge of blended families and just home life stress and disappointment; I am again reminded that having a peaceful home that is a place of respite is not to be taken for granted. There are many people who have no where to run when they need refreshing.
Time for a refill on my coffee. Then I'll fold my towels, vacuum my family room and get this day started.
Happy Monday!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Proverbs 10:25

As the whirlwind passeth, so is the wicked no more: but the righteous is an everlasting foundation.

Wonderfulnesses

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:16:00 +0000

1. Jeans that fit.
2. A clean house.
3. Good hair days.
4. Thanksgiving Day & not working!
5. Going to the movies, eating too much popcorn and hiding for a few hours.
6. A dependable car.
7. Potlucks at work.
8. Sleeping well.
9. Christmas trees (mine goes up next Friday!)
10. COFFEE

A Walk In The Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:09:00 +0000

Inspired by a story I heard on the radio a few years ago during a snow storm. The teller was the now grown little boy...

There was a blizzard in the Metro Detroit area where a little boy lived with his family. Michigan blizzards are nothing to be sneezed at and this one was a whopper by comparison. Everything was closed; schools, businesses and government. The snow had fallen for hours and hours and was several feet high. Knowing there would be a snow day, the caller was happily snuggled into his childhood bed when shortly after midnight he awoke to hear his parents low voices in the kitchen.

The young man went downstairs and asked what they were doing. His mother was packing his father's lunchbox and pouring coffee into a large thermos. His father worked in a steel mill and knew he'd have to leave the house by 1:00 a.m. to make it through the snow for the start of his shift. He had called the man he carpooled with and they had agreed to meet a few blocks away and walk toward the nearest main street hoping that the bus was running. There was no way to dig out their cars and the snowplows were not expected for a few days.

And so the child's father left the house bundled up beyond recognition to begin his long walk to the bus stand. The little boy and his mom watched from the living room window until they couldn't see his dad for the blowing snow. Then they knelt at the couch to pray for he and his friend during their walk and to thank God for the job they were walking to.

The little boy went back to bed and the next morning he and his brothers enjoyed the promised snow day with their mother making cookies and planning a warm supper for their father with the surprise of cookies for dessert.

When his father walked through the front door at 7:00 p.m., he was later than his usual return from work at 4:00. They knew the roads were still covered and snow and so weren't really worried. When dad finally unwrapped his layers of coats and scarves and put away his empty lunch box and rinsed out his empty thermos, he told his family about his day.

He and his friend had walked for five hours to get to the bus stand just in time to catch the bus to their factory. Luckily, they had both had the foresight to take their snow shovels as they had to clear their path the entire way. When they arrived at the bus stand, it was silent and covered in mountains of snow. The main thoroughfare hadn't been cleared. There was no traffic. After standing there for half an hour with fingers crossed, they realized the bus wasn't running.

And so the man and his friend began second leg of the long and cold walk. Not back home, but to the steel mill. They walked for hours and hours clearing the path and stopping to share their thermos of coffee. They walked until almost lunch time but finally arrived to find the factory locked up and silent. The blizzard had even shut down the steel mill, something that had never happened before. The third part of the journey now began; back home the way they had come. The father told his family how this was a much easier walk because the blowing snow had settled and they had already cleared the path. They ate their lunches on the steps of the factory before they started back. They were grateful that they had both brought a thermos of coffee because they enjoyed the warmth of the second one as they walked home.

The little boy added the hours up and realized his father had spend sixteen hours walking for nothing. He said to his dad, "Boy, you must be mad! You should never have even gone to work today!"

The father looked at his family and gently corrected his son. "No, I was scheduled to work today and it was my job to be there. As it was, I would have been terribly late. What if the factory was running? What if I had not showed up and the men who had made their way in through the snow were sent home because of me? God was good enough to build that factory and give me a job to do there. I will be there to work. God will decide the rest. This was a good day. Now I must get to bed because I have to work tomorrow."

That story took place over forty years ago. Today the United States looks around in confusion and wonders what has happened to us.

I look around and see very few people who would've made that walk, myself included.

The answer is clear.

One scone and a fabulous hat please...

noreply@blogger.com (Sara) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:00:00 +0000

I love this little girl, she seems to be having tea and perhaps a scone. If I knew where she was, I'd join her. Although she seems quite content with her snack and fabulous hat. I think we'd all be better off if we, on a regular basis, had tea and a scone while wearing a fabulous hat.

If you know me at all, you are well aware that I am generous with words and stingy with time. So there has been a lot of stretching lately with The Folks to care for and who require that time I so like to hoard. As for stretching, I invite you to envision me on a medieval rack. Since it's just the two of us here, I will even admit to only you that I do not want to stretch. I want to curl up with a book. I do not want to add two more people, I want to be alone. And I am pretty tired of hearing this from myself, "I'm Sara. SARA. Dean's wife. DEAN. Your son, Dean. DEAN. HIM. He is your son. I am married to Dean. SARA. Never mind."

What I have learned is not to be a martyr. Although how satisfying is it, really, to tell everyone (well, just via Facebook, my blog, in person, through e mails and by word of mouth) how much we have done. How haaaarrrrdd it is. How tiiirrreeeedddd I am. How frrruuuussttttrraaating.

Oh poor poor me. Oh, I forgot, I am not supposed to be a martyr.

People are so lovely, they encourage me and tell me what a good thing we're doing. They shake their heads and tell me they couldn't do it. Ahhh. I am such a....never mind.

See, the thing is that most of us are not really martyrs, we're just human beings who on occasion are called upon to act like such. Very few martyrs have cable.

Here's what I know; I am allowed to take care of myself. You know the old lesson; as the airplane is crashing put on your own oxygen mask? That's the trick. I am constantly discovering new ways to feed my spirit the fuel I need to do what I need to do. And I am only recently learning that it is not allowing myself some special luxury to care for myself and to draw boundaries. It's my responsibility to stay in balance so that I can do correctly whatever it is God instructs me to do. Without wailing about my misfortune or seeking out pats on the back; both of which are irritating when other people do it so might be equally so when I do.

I am taking days off from work to sleep in. I'm going to the library to keep a stack of books at bedside. I'm getting the occasional Starbuck's holiday latte. The Mr. and I are talking about what needs doing and planning to do it all without breaking ourselves into pieces. We are reserving time to pop popcorn and watch DVR. And we keep our dates even when it's just to both be home by 8:00 to relax together.

Sometimes it's being a little bad; my jeans are too tight. This is because I'm falling back on comfort food. I need to stop it but I don't need to hate myself. It's not ok but it's understandable.

Sometimes it's not doing. Not checking my e mail, not writing a blog, not posting on Facebook. Not doing more than needs doing and being smart enough to know the difference.

There are probably thousands of things that refresh and renew me. It's not spiritual or even smart to deny myself those things. It's my responsibility to minister to myself so that I can properly minister to others.

And sometimes, you just have to wear a fabulous hat and eat a scone.