Eye Cookies, I mean Candy

Yes it's Wednesday and no, I am not back to work yet. Tomorrow! Tomorrow for sure!

Today let's talk about one of my favorite favorites. Homemaking. I know, you had no idea. Although I'm not a tech fan, I have found my own little niche on the internet and it is that of those similarly minded. No, I'm not connected to nurses or middle-agers or Republicans or conservatives or even shared faith sites. I find myself, through no particularly intentional design, friends with women I've never met who all comment furiously when one of us mentions a new recipe or paint color decision.

So in between dramatic sighs of boredom and philosophical discussions with Donny about forsythia hedges I've done a bit of internetting the last few days to various blogs or sites to admire homes, decorating, gardening, etc. Although I spend lots of time thinking and blogging about bread recipes, soup and gardens; I have another homey weak spot. Eye candy.

I'm not all about function, although living in a very small bungalow requires the marriage of form and function if one is to avoid living in Grey Gardens minus the charming insanity. (We don't lack insanity so much as charm.)

I like old stuff. Stuff that I can either imagine in its former life in some other woman's kitchen or stuff that I specifically remember from my childhood. I'm more likely to make an impulse antique purchase than one at a department store. I believe in using my olde time treasures although admittedly, I can get a little worried that a break or a chip of a platter that is 40 years old cannot be easily replaced. Something I've realized about old stuff, it almost can't be ugly. It's like there is a line in time when an item goes from out-dated to charming. I like to think I too, have crossed that line. Wink.

For instance, I have this ugly platter. I bought it at an antique shop in Lewiston, where my parents cottage is located. Every year I buy a little something at that shop and rarely pay more than $10. This platter brings to mind late 1960s. It may be older, it might be a school project from 1998. But it's funky and I have decided it's old and probably worth a million dollars. Maybe not the million dollars part but it's funky and old. It's not pretty. But it's interesting, you gotta admit it's interesting.

I have a green candy dish on my desk I bought at the same shop. I am pretty sure it is simply a dish garden container from Thrifty Florist and I paid $1 for it. It's worth much less than $1. However, it's pretty on my desk and it reminds me of Up North and if it breaks, well, I can live with that.

I have other items that were on The Farm or belonged to my mom or grandmothers. Those I treat with a bit more caution but I still love to use them and enjoy them.

But eye candy can be more than antique glassware or vintage platters. Eye candy is a slice of lemon in my water and the forsythias along my fence and the blue souvenir goblet on my bathroom vanity where I put my face cloth.

It's the giant basket of books next to my bed. This is eye candy because it's something that I love, not because it's pretty.

Eye candy is family photographs all over that exceed the number that would be considered decorative and old afghans on my couch. It's the old rooster from The Farm and bird feeders.

It's the sock monkey night light in my kitchen.

So tell me, what are you loving looking at today?

Pic: Ugly valuable Up North cookie dish.

Public Service Announcement!

When you're home sick but just enough better not to sleep constantly, there are a limited number of things that you can do to pass the time. Having a first floor laundry, I got some wash done. That was fun.

Not really up to standing in the kitchen kneading dough or making cookies, and not entirely sure anyone would want to eat goodies baked by a sneezing snotting chef.

Reading would be number one except I returned my library books but didn't get any new ones and it kind of hurts my eyes and head after a few minutes.

Television is...ridiculous.

On the bright side, I come to you with a product endorsement.

I'm sure I'm not alone in realizing that flip flop weather is soon upon us and further realize that one must take foot care seriously if one is going to ask the world to look at one's feet. There are far too many people running around with their feet all hanging out who should be wearing thick socks and a pair of construction boots. All of this to say that I gave myself a pedicure in preparation for warm weather, you mustn't wait until May to begin this process. That done it was time to pay attention to my hands as well. Being a nurse, it's really quite impossible to keep nail polish in good repair and chippy nail polish is second only to pedicure-needing feet in terms of grossness. So I rarely wear polish on my fingers. However, that does not mean a manicure is not in order, even if it is polish free. So I discovered the above product at the Target. Actually I purchased "Trim" brand for about $2. It's a four-sided block that shapes, buffs, smooths and shines the nails.

Ladies, this is the product of the day!

Follow the directions, each side of the block is numbered 1-4. The final result is smooth shiny perfect nails without polish. Natural yet manicured nails.

This might not seem blog worthy to you but three days into sitting on the couch drinking tea, it's the most exciting thing in my world after putting on a bra.

And seriously, do not neglect the mani-pedi!

This is one of those days that makes me go grrrrrrrrr. It's a called-in-sick day. I truly despise calling in to work. I started feeling cruddy on Saturday night but I was working the weekend so I pushed through knowing on Monday I could recoup and presuming that by Tuesday I'd be back in business. Sigh. Nope. Here I am at home. Boyohboyohboy. My bread & cookie baking Monday didn't happen, nor did the errand running I planned.
It's so pretty outside and here I sit in my robe with my tissues and tea at my side feeling grumpy. This would be a great day for a million things except being home sick!
Now it's Plan C, surely on Wednesday I will be back in business!

Sweet Dreams

Another weekend of working just came to a close, 25 minutes ago to be exact. My allergies eyes have become sore throat and body aches. Spring cold or allergy?

So here's my plan for the evening, sipping warm tea and lounging until bedtime. No matter how old I get, there are still these wonderful moments of peaceful sleepiness that are just so lovely. Even if you do have an allergy or a spring cold.

When the bed feels so welcoming and the sheets are so soft and the pillows just ease all the tension out of your muscles.

That's the kind of sleep I'm expecting tonight.

So sweet dreams to you. And a very sleepy evening.

Isaiah 51:3
For the LORD shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.

Proposed Outdoor Project List

1. Patio or deck extension.

2. Water feature.

3. Herb garden.

4. Veggie garden.

5. Berry garden.

6. Sunflower garden.

7. Perennials.

8. Privacy fence phase one.

9. Forsythia hedge phase one.

10. Gardening shed.

How I spend my day off or How women's lib has imprisoned me.

I'm sure I've talked about this before so feel free to move along if you're not a fan of reruns.

Am I the only working woman who feels that there's not enough time in your time off to do things right? If I really attend to the home front the way that I want to, there is very little leisure time for leisure. It's more like paid or unpaid time. I am fortunate to be able to report that I really do enjoy the homemaking part of my life so in some ways, this is leisure for me. At least it's time to pay attention to what really gives me the most satisfaction. But there still isn't enough of it.

A few weeks ago my mom and I spent the day bumming around in search of cookware for our new whole & homemade lifestyle. That was a fun day, out to lunch and being like a couple of 1954 housewives. But I can't do that on a regular basis because there are so many other housewife duties to tend to.

I need to do some baking, some cleaning, some organizing, some yard work, some shopping for food, produce, garden supplies...And there is a secret about shopping, you spend more if you've got less time for it. I don't even like to shop but I realize that if I am going to conserve time with one-stop-shopping, I'm not getting many bargains. Not to mention the utter luxury of antiquing or thrifting where I know treasures await-but I haven't an entire day to devote.

So here I sit on the morning of my day off already on the clock. I need to do many things and know already they can't all be done. I'm prioritizing so I'll get enough accomplished to keep the home front moving forward.

Sadly, what is lost along the way are the things that we have to decide are least productive. Sitting on the deck on a cool morning lingering over coffee. Bumming around with your mom or a friend just exploring what kind of stuff is out there-to buy or just admire. Long drives with no particular destination. Leisurely walks around the neighborhood. Hours in the library. Talking to neighbors over the fence.

Sure, all of these things get their time here and there, but so often they are too far down the list to be reached in a day off.

Today I will clean house, bake, do laundry and go to the grocery store. I will probably drop off my library books but to have time to linger and choose some new ones; not sure. I'll need to iron work clothes for the next few days. That will fill up this day off. And probably leave me pretty tired. That's another thing that falls off the list, rest. At least I've learned a lesson there. This is the very reason I retire to bed fairly early with a book. I know that rest cannot be taken off of the list.

Somehow, I don't feel very liberated.

Lazy

Here we are, Thursday evening. The evening designated to bathroom cleaning and linen changing. To straightening up the house while the Mr. is at practice.

Alas, I fear I am succumbing to laziness.

Here I sit, home from work for an hour and having eaten dinner with absolutely no desire to do the Thursday chores. In fact, worse yet, I have a shameful temptation to do NOTHING whatsoever except paint my toenails and lay in bed listening to the birds through the open window. Shocking!

I haven't had such a busy day. It was a good day actually, got all the to-dos done. I'm not really tired. I'm almost just ridiculously relaxed. And! And I am seriously considering doing absolutely no housework at all and telling myself, "Let somebody else do it!" I never tell myself that! I usually rather enjoy it. What's my deal tonight?

The Mr. is off on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Friday is chock full of doctor's appointments and errands with his parents. But this weekend I'm working and I am feeling very much like he can just take care of the place this week.

What to do, what to do?

What's that? Nothing? I should do nothing?

Well, I just can't do nothing. I'm going to paint my toenails.

I scream

So here I sit in pajamas with no dinner. I ate some trail mix late in the day which took the edge off of my hunger. I texted Dean that we should go out but now I don't want to. Here's what I want. I want to eat ice cream for dinner.

Is that really so wrong?

Dream, Dream, Dream

On Saturday we went to the Novi Home & Garden Show. There were a few stands with fresh flowers and plants; this friends, is my strongest weakness. Seriously, where did this little problem of mine come from? I could spend every penny we have on plants and not be done. Veggies, herbs, flowers, ground cover, succulents, ferns, berries, shrubbery, evergreen...I love it all! I even took several minutes to talk myself out of a tiny tiny topiary.

I wanted to buy some blueberry bushes & forsythias but despite the guy's reassurance, I know it's too early in Michigan to put those tender little roots into the ground. I'll wait until late April, make my purchases and probably keep them potted on the deck until May. But I can't hardly wait! In the Little House books there were passages about the Ingalls family sitting in front of the fire during snowstorms looking at seed catalogs and planning their gardens. That's how I am minus the pioneer spirit and lack of cable!

On the short list...forsythias to plant along my southern fence. I love love love forsythias! They are so farm housy and mid century suburbia. I love unfussy landscaping and every spring when I see the yellow blooms I am amazed all over again. Then it's berry plants. I planted two raspberry bushes last year. No fruit the first fall which is to be expected, keeping fingers crossed that they come back. This year I'll add blueberry. I understand that in order to really get good results I'll have to pay attention to the soil acidity. I never understand that. These things used to grow wild!

Ahhh, just a few more weeks and I can satisfy my urges!

This is what happened.

The Mr. & I had reservations at a bed & breakfast in Irish Hills on Friday night but ended up in a hotel. We've gone to a few B&Bs, which offer a variety of experiences. We don't want the true B&B experience of shared bathrooms and one big breakfast table. Many people choose B&Bs to meet other people and spend hours together getting to know one another. That's lovely, but it's not us. We choose the lodgings that offer private bathrooms. We like the older homes and the ambiance with a few modern amenities. So we had reservations at this old manor that was absolutely beautiful. No doubt about it, one of the prettiest settings I've ever seen. An old white mansion on a lake, what could be better?

The room we requested was the most expensive, $139/night. This was for a room with a jacuzzi tub. Like I said, older home with modern amenities.

When we arrived we were escorted through the owner's living quarters and up a flight of stairs from their kitchen to our room. A room directly above their kitchen and in fact, we could very clearly hear them speaking downstairs after we shut the door. There was a jacuzzi tub with a sign that said no use after midnight. This reaffirmed by theory that there was a sound issue. The cable was out, only a few local channels. Seems like not a big deal but spending the night out in the country with no restaurants nearby and a pretty cold wind blowing, we expected to snuggle in and watch a little TV. We were a bit disappointed with the room itself. Water stains on the ceiling, it seemed drab and in need a little freshening. The bed pillows were flat and the quilt was dingy. And then the straw that broke the camel's back; no shower. What? The website stated private baths in each room, I never thought to ask specifically for a shower!

We weren't there half an hour when we concluded that we didn't care to stay. Especially not at the $139/night rate, which is high by B&B standards.

We went downstairs to the owners to let them know that the room wasn't what we had hoped for and told them exactly what our concerns were and Dean offered them $20 or so for the cancellation. Well, that wasn't going to do. No, we were being charged $139. Despite the information half an hour earlier that we were the only guests during a very slow season, the hostess now informed us that they had refused two other requests for that room for us. Hmm. Well, we felt there was no privacy for our romantic get-away in a room situated directly above their apartment. If we can hear them, they can hear us. And we didn't know there was no shower. Her response was that they never had a complaint before and we could "use the shower down the hallway." No, not for $139 am I going to wander through the house looking for a shower and trying to keep my voice quiet so as not to disturb the people directly under us.

Finally she relented and changed the rate to $135. Wow. I informed her that we were very disappointed not only in the accommodation which was not clearly described on their website but moreso that she was insisting on the entire room rate. This is not typical of B&B experiences and her attitude was devoid of customer service altogether. There was no offer of a reduced rate, the option of choosing another room, nothing.
Dean gave her the cash and as we turned to go saying we were so disappointed in the entire experience the host said, "Yeah, and you're leaving a whole lot poorer too."

Well, that did it.

This woman was a nurse, I had learned while making reservations on the phone. I turned back and said I would think that in the interest of professional courtesy and good business there should be some effort for us to try to meet one another halfway. Additionally, although I would not necessarily criticize the house itself, as I said B&Bs come in many styles; I would expect any inn keeper would want to please their guests and her response to our displeasure would be noted in a review I would add to the website that had referred us to their establishment.

At this point the woman shoved $60 at me without a word and shut the door.

In short, we spent $75 not to stay.

I am willing to accept that there are B&B guests who would not have had a problem with the accommodations and so I really didn't think that the hosts were entirely in the wrong at first. I believed that the lack of a shower should have been disclosed and that the utter lack of privacy should be acknowledged if it bothers the guest. However, the incredibly rude response was the source of my anger.

Ultimately, we left and checked into a hotel with a jacuzzi tub in the room. We went out for a wonderful dinner and had a great evening. I did post a review of our experience. Of course, I'm thankful that we could still afford a hotel room having lost $75. And I'm grateful for the great time we ended up having. Most of all, I find myself most peaceful about the fact that this didn't ruin our weekend. What a wonderful gift from God to have the ministry of the Holy Spirit to allow us to put the unpleasantness behind us and just enjoy one another. This could have put a damper on everything sending us home in anger.

The moral for us?

Never check in without first seeing the room.

Never presume that what you see is what you get.

When in doubt, choose Holiday Inn over B&Bs!

Even if things go wrong, let it go and move forward. Your joy comes from God and never from your wallet or your surroundings. Give anger no place in your heart.

Psalm 72:5-7
They shall fear thee as long as the sun and moon endure, throughout all generations. He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass: as showers that water the earth. In his days shall the righteous flourish; and abundance of peace so long as the moon endureth.

What's so good about it?

Some years ago the Mr. and I started a habit. Every evening when we come home from work, even if it's 4:00 p.m., we put on our pajamas immediately. Once pajamaed we make dinner and most evenings, we pop in a DVD of whatever old television show we're currently watching. Ahh.
I was inspired with this tradition when watching the old Hepburn & Tracy movie, Adam's Rib. In the movie, the two are lawyer spouses who end up on opposite sides of a case. They spend the day in court battling one another but come home at night, change into their pajamas and settle back into their life together, in love, with the day behind them. Every time I watched the film I would think how lovely that seemed, Tracy & Hepburn sitting together in their pajamas at their kitchen table eating dinner together. And then I thought, well I've got pajamas & a kitchen table!
Ever since then Dean & I have immediately put on pajamas when we get home. I'm quite sure he's got no idea that's why, but it is.
Today it's pretty cold around these parts, especially considering the almost-Spring weather we've been having. There's lots of grousing about the chilly winds and the typical degree of irritation that accompanies most work days.
It might make me wonder what's good about a dreary cold day like today. Well, I will tell ya what's so good about it. Having a way to switch gears and come back to my real life. Sure, tonight it's flannel pajamas and slippers but that's ok. As soon as my scrubs hit the clothes hamper and I slid into my fleece robe, it was a good day.
So; what do you do to put away the day?

Today right now...

Easter weekend brings with it huge moments of awe and gratitude for amazing sacrifice of Christ on behalf of the very humanity that rejected him. The Bible tells of the temple veil being torn in two when Jesus died signifying our entrance into the presence of God. I think the tearing of the temple also gave those who accept his sacrifice new eyes to see all that this abundant life means. This morning I find myself quietly grateful for-
The rainy (but not stormy) night that just passed, windows open and almost too lovely to sleep through. In fact, I didn't sleep all the way through but somehow, laying quietly and experiencing the night seemed almost more restful.
Hot coffee (you had to see that coming!) and pretty coffee cups.
Donny laying with his head in my lap as I enjoy aforementioned coffee.
Text messages that I receive when I turn on my cell phone in the morning, sent by the Mr. while I was still sleeping.
My truck with a full tank of gas that makes the drive to work almost fun!
Coconut lime verbena body spray from Bath & Body Works, smells like springtime!
The sound of birds singing as I awaken.
This isn't the unabridged list, it only represents the things that right now, I am thankful for.

This Easter

How life changes. As I write this it is Easter Sunday morning at 9:30. The Mr. left for church almost 2 hours ago, he'll be there until about 3:00 and then he'll go spend some time with his parents. Mac is still asleep, I suspect Jay is too but he sleeps in his own home now. It's just me with my second cup of coffee and Shirley Temple on AMC. It's one of those beautiful crisp and sunny Michigan Spring mornings, mmm. Windows open just a crack because it's not exactly warm but I am inhaling the fresh air like the sweetest perfume.
I just put my croissants in the oven to rise for a few hours before baking. Once my coffee is finished I'll make pilaf to take to Amy's for dinner, transfer it to a crockpot to keep it warm. My chocolate bundt cake is done and I'm deciding how to complete it; glaze, chocolate drizzle, powdered sugar or an experimental strawberry glaze? Decisions decisions decisions. Then if I'm really adventurous I'll go out to the garage where a good portion of my housewares still reside in boxes to try to find my fancy pedestal cake plate with lid. Wow, I got that at my wedding shower in 1986!
Since then we've had such lovely Easter Sundays with little boys in new clothes and sunrise services and Easter baskets and if it wasn't snowing, the occasional egg hunt. The only grands, my kids were the recipients of Easter baskets on top of Easter baskets from grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents. Their childhoods were filled with "Up From The Grave He Arose!" and Sunday School teachers in bright dresses and corsages. It was good, it was the best way to grow up.
Today my grandparents who spent all of those years eating ham with those little boys are spending Easter with Jesus. Dean is playing bass for all five of our church's Easter services, starting last night and continuing through this afternoon. Jay and I went last night to church, Mac will go today with his girl Lexi. At 2:00 we'll meet at my sisters for dinner. Well, most of us. Dean will go to his parent's after church to spend some time with them because they aren't well enough to join us for dinner. Then he'll install the new door alarm we hope will stop his dad's wandering. I made some craisin bread to take over and his grandmother will be sharing dinner with them. The quiet and small celebration is a change from 40 years of 20 guests around a formal table for them. Still holding on to what is left, his mom wanted to make their own dinner with a Honeybaked Ham and her special sweet potatoes.
How life has changed. Dean and I are spending Easter apart because his service to church and his parents require that this is how it is this year. No Easter baskets wait on our kitchen table for little boys. I won't say there isn't some sadness for the time that is truly gone. But it's a small sadness. Much smaller than the happiness of memories for a lifetime done right. Not perfectly! But right, with Jesus and family at the center and no missed opportunities.
This year we're doing it right too. Different, but right. Jesus and family remain at the center and we have grown up enough to know that Christ brings blessing after blessing. I'm going to finish up this coffee and make that pilaf now. The Mr. just texted during a break at church that he loves me and he'll see me this evening. I don't have a new Easter dress, but I did buy a pink t-shirt from Old Navy! I don't mourn but sit with a silly smile on my face all alone in my kitchen.
Oh how lovely this life has been, handed to me with such extravagance! And oh how lovely this life is, today.
There is no "Up From The Grave He Arose" with an entire pew of grandparents and little boys this morning.
But in my quiet house a chorus swells...Great is they faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Happy Easter.

Pic: Easter 1991, Grampa Gerhardstein & Daboyz

Coming Back From The Dead!

Psalm 20:7-9
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God. They are brought down and fallen: but WE ARE RISEN, and stand upright.

Easter Saturday...

...always feels like the earth is holding its breath.

Good Friday

There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.
Lose all their guilty stains, lose all their guilty stains;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.
The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.
Washed all my sins away, washed all my sins away;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.
Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood shall never lose its power
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.
Be saved, to sin no more, be saved, to sin no more;
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.
E’er since, by faith, I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.
And shall be till I die, and shall be till I die;
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.
Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I’ll sing Thy power to save,
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.
Lies silent in the grave, lies silent in the grave;
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.
Lord, I believe Thou hast prepared, unworthy though I be,
For me a blood bought free reward, a golden harp for me!
’Tis strung and tuned for endless years, and formed by power divine,
To sound in God the Father’s ears no other name but Thine.

William Cowper

He Never Lets Go

Well this long week is finally coming to an end. And not a minute too soon! The last week has had some highs and lows but most of all left me so thankful for the anchor of Christ that holds us steady, although sometimes it feels pretty rocky in the moment! Perhaps most of all I find myself in awe of the perfect provision of God. If we had faced the challenges in our lives a few years ago, our rebound time might have been much longer. It can only be the love of God that makes sure the good always outweighs the bad.
For instance, last Friday I was off because I worked the weekend. Somehow a few hours of errand running with Dean's parents turned into about 9 hours which meant we had no time together at all. Saturday I worked and he played at church in the evening. Sunday I worked and by Sunday night I was exhausted and to top it off, injured myself at work. Of course, what else could I do at this point except have insomnia? And Dean back to work on Monday despite the fact that it was my day off.
And here the Holy Spirit makes up for the large and the small that we lose, Dean got up and decided to take a vacation day to make up for our lost Friday. Such a simple thing but by midnight Sunday my non-sleeping self was feeling pretty bereft and pitiful.
Wednesday evening Dean's dad had an MRI appointment which had us out until 9:30 and tonight Dean is at practice. I'm hoping to get off of work around 3:00 and maybe have a little date night? But it's the Friday errands with The Folks so...Lord give me a patient heart and remind me that you give back more than we can give up.
Saturday will be spent cooking and cleaning house. Sunday is Easter which means joy, celebration, family and a long day at church. The Mr. will be there from about 8-3:00. And then Monday and then Tuesday and then another whole week.
It's ok because we have learned to always find our way back to one another and to rest and it is in that spirit that we are going here next weekend.
So color me tired and happy and inpatient and grateful and exhausted and energized and overwhelmed and confidant.
Sleep tight my friends!

A Fully Empty Day

Yesterday the Mr. and I both took a secret day off and stayed home in our jammies all day. This morning I feel 200% better than I did on Sunday. Rested, refreshed and looking forward to what the new day brings.
If we push and push using up all of our awakeness with things...fun or work; eventually we'll lose the joy in all of it. And yes, there should be joy in work too!
Listen to your heart when you feel like saying, "Stop the world, I wanna get off!"
On Monday we actually had to take ourselves off the radar. We shut the computer off early, turned off the cell phones and stayed home home home. Yes, there were things we could've done that would've been productive. But we didn't. Guilt-free and shameless we laid around reading and watching DVDs.
My advice to you is that if you cannot remember the last day where all you accomplished with soul refreshing, you're over due.
Don't be one of the majority who have lost the talent for quietness.

The Nature Of Satan

1 Peter 5:7-9 (King James Version)
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.

Maya Angelou once said when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Yet, I spend much time feeling caught unawares when the enemy comes against me. I'm embarrassed to say that it can take me some time to find the hand of satan pushing pain in my direction, it so often feels out of the blue. This then is why it is so much the utter demand of the Christian to be slow to respond to the hurt and disappointment delivered on us by those with faces. They are only the courier of the one who keeps his face hidden. For myself, I am often my own courier.
I had a week with one or two or ten blows to my feelings, offenses against my sense of honor as well as my heart. I so wanted to speak to the offenses, if not the offenders, but found myself with only emotional words that felt weightless in my mouth. My speeches were without substance even before they were spoken and I wanted satisfaction, so I continued to wrestle with my responses trying to form words that would bear weight. Like trying to write a poem, no two sentences would link.
By this morning I found myself with a heavy but very quiet spirit. Even the emotional weightless words had deserted me. In the miraculous way of the Holy Spirit, he was found where I did not expect him. On a rainy Sunday when I could find no benefit to being at work, God awaited me.
There was no word of wisdom spoken to me today, in fact I had very few conversations at all. I did my usual routine of rounds and settled into my office, popping in a gospel CD. A tiny flicker sparked in my spirit, a hunger began to grow until the noise of it drowned out the noise of my weightless words. For no reason other than the prompting of the Spirit of God, I googled a local church (Second Ebenezer) and linked to You Tube to listen to their choir while I worked.
And here, with a choir of worshipers, battle was done on my behalf by strangers. No answers came. No speeches to right the injustices were inspired. Instead I sat at my desk losing track of time for 2 hours with tears washing away my make-up.
There is great beauty in recognizing the face of satan, for he cannot exist in the absence of the Face of God. When I turned to point my finger at my attacker, heaven shifted and my enemy was defeated. Satan was brought down in the spirit, the weapons of Christ were launched when I was broken into a courier of worship.
Like Jacob who wrestled with the angel, you must insist of God, I will not let go until you bless me. In the presence of God, there is no desire to bless myself with my own justice.
May God bless you with brokenness.

John 10:10The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Psalm 90:17
And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.

Worth The Work

1. Homemade dinners.

2. Organized office.

3. Clean house.

4. Stocked pantry.

5. Losing weight.

6. Exercising (or so I've heard.)

7. Education.

8. Gardens.

9. Children.

10. Grace.

Home Therapy

Today I am doing home therapy. The Mr. is on his way to take his dad for some tests, Mac's at school and I am sipping coffee and watching "Hello Dolly" with Barbra Streisand. That is one of the foundations of home therapy; good coffee, a quiet house and if the television is on it must be only gentle and sweet programs. Health reform & mortgage adjustments are counter-productive.
Shortly I am going to the second phase, house keeping. In a few hours the washer will be humming along and one by one the rooms will sparkle and smell fresh and clean.
Phase three, grocery store. Don't like grocery shopping very much but I am more than aware and grateful to have a place a few minutes away with everything I need to feed my family and a car to drive me there and back. And the list-making is fun, menu planning and always a few surprises for my guys. This week, peanut butter cookies!
Home to an organized and waiting house and then banana bread baking. The staff have put in their request for this weekend's treat. Going to try another buttermilk bread recipe too.
Finally dinner plans, I am thinking about lasagna although being Friday we may opt for a dinner out to wrap up what is going to be a busy day for us.
I'm thankful today to have been raised by generations of women who practiced and taught me home therapy. It seems such a simple thing but I think there are many who have lost the desire for it. That's because they don't know the real secret.
Home therapy isn't for the sake of the home, it's for the homemaker. From the quiet morning when I close our proverbial doors to the outside world to the room by room reclaiming of the house to the preparations to nourish my family every step of home therapy smooths out my rough edges and gives me real purpose and pleasure. Putting things right around me gives me pause to realize just how much I have and even when I have to walk out the door tomorrow, I will have prepared a place to return and rest.
Time for another cup of coffee.

The Week That Was

With every intention of doing some blog writing this week, here we are on Thursday with no updates since Sunday. It's all inside my head, I promise! Hmm, I think I heard that from a few patients. It's been a less than easy week at Smith Care U.S.A. The players, Ben (f-i-l), Marty (m-i-l), the Mr. and a few who won't be named have been busy.
Ben was seen by the behavioral neurologist for the second phase of his assessment at the Henry Ford Memory Clinic. It was about three hours long, this following a 2 hour assessment by the nurse practitioner the week prior. He did very poorly on all of the testing, by the finish Ben was crying and paranoid; asking what "they" had done to him to cause him to be so confused. In short, it seems he was unsuccessful pretty much across the board. Finally he has a diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia which is something of a crossbred Alzheimer's Disease and Parkinson's Disease. Ironically, Parkinson's meds makes Alzheimer's worse and vice versa. After this appointment Dean took his mom to an appointment at the pain clinic which was not pleasant either, he had to help her disrobe. By the time he got home literally 12 hours later he was wrung out. I've never seen him quite so low. Until...
Sunday evening he called his mom to check in and was told that his dad took two falls on Sunday afternoon. Which was very worrisome until...
Monday evening he called to check in and was informed that in the middle of the night his dad had gotten up, dressed and left the apartment while his mom slept. A neighbor found him and brought him back and shortly thereafter, the police stopped in to check on them. Dean had installed door alarms which mysteriously are broken. We ordered new ones online. This was almost more than he could stand until...
Starting on the guardianship process we are informed that some family members may decide to challenge him. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be anyone who wants to take the job; only want to contest him doing it.
So you can see that the Mr. has had a rough several days. Haven't we all had those times when it seems like you can't quite dust yourself off from something before something else knocks you down? Tomorrow he has a 6:30 a.m. MRI for his dad at Wyandotte Hospital and a 9:00 a.m. EMG in West Bloomfield.
Please pray for Dean? Strength and wisdom of course. But also, as a great fan of laughter and ridiculousness, pray for joy.

2 Thessalonians 2:13-17

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth: Whereunto he called you by our gospel, to the obtaining of the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, brethren, stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught, whether by word, or our epistle. Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work.

Good Old-Fashioned...

1. Birthday cards (or letters or anything personal) in the snail mail. I sent a co-worker a card in the mail and it made his day when he opened it up! Worth the stamp!
2. Butter. Real butter.
3. Shopping all day with my mom for baking supplies! Hello 1956, we've missed you!
4. Taking home made goodies to work, why not use your co-workers as a test kitchen?
5. Plain wedding bands.
6. All white linens washed in bleach (& lined dried.)
7. Wooden spoons.
8. Aprons.
9. Libraries.
10. King James Bible.

Bonus Day!

Such a silly day today.
I scheduled a vacation day to accompany the Mr. & the folks to a few doctor's appointments. Yesterday I realized that taking the day off would result in one manager covering for three of us due to multiple days off & off-site conferences so I decided to go ahead and work. I wasn't really needed as an escort and with the nice weather and recent acquisition of a handicap sticker, it's a little easier to get around with ma & pa. So I slept in, taking advantage of not being expected at work, as the Mr. left for the day with his parents. When I finally awakened and checked my e mail I dropped a line to the manager on duty that I would be in shortly to help out. She immediately responded that I was not to come in, she had it covered and the day was too pretty to come to work on a scheduled vacation day. So here I am, Mr. already gone and no one wanting me at work.
Bonus day! Did I say that out loud?
I'm going to update my photo blog, maybe change up the header on this one. Already took a few pictures of the yard waking up. I made two loaves of bread last night for the staff, think I'll freeze them until Monday. Every week I make a batch of cookies so today I'm thinking oatmeal raisin.
I have a few things I need to purchase online and a few things I need to pick up from the store.
Did I mention I am finding myself on a bonus day?
Not sure what I'll get done, maybe nothing. But it sure is a nice day to do nothing.

On Saturday we threw caution to the wind, skipped our usual errands and had a day-long date. That's the upside to the Mr.'s lay-off, he'll be able to do the groceries and laundry next week while I'm at work so we could take advantage of all day Saturday with wild abandon! A few days earlier in the week I was driving down the freeway on a lovely spring morning and thought about how much fun it is to get in the car and just head out. When I got to work I texted the Mr. with my plan...DIA & lunch on Saturday!

We slept in Saturday morning, had a light breakfast and headed down to the Detroit Institute of Arts. The last time we went a few years ago the exhibits were all squeezed into a few small galleries but now the renovation is done. Wow! What a great day! Since the museum is so nearby, we didn't feel the need to push through and see every little item since we can go back any time. We just wandered from room to room, talking about the art or just standing quietly by ourselves taking it in. For me there is another bonus, I'm as enthralled by the architecture of the museum as I am the exhibits! We spent about three hours walking around, took a break half-way through to stop in the courtyard for a cold drink. Had one moment of revealing our lack of culture as we caught one anothers eye in the modern art gallery and got the giggles. You see, there was this shelf with three soup pots and three basket balls and a lengthy explanation about the bleak excess of the society of the blah blah blah. So the Mr. threw his keys on a bench and started this monologue about one key pointing away from him and the remote start button being facing down signifying that no matter what he tries he cannot start his car...Well, it seemed funny to me. But other than that, we acted like grown-ups.

After the DIA we headed in the opposite direction from home to find a restaurant that we'd never been to before. Stopped at an Italian restaurant called Pasquale's, shared a deep dish and a salad and headed home around 6:00.I made some chocolate chip cookies, we put in a DVD of The Practice season 7 and wrapped up a wonderful day trip in front of our fireplace with cookies & a blanket.

As the Michigan winter starts to withdraw making room for sunshine and clear skies, we are definitely going to make day trips a part of our weekends. Life is too short to go no farther than Kroger's on the weekend. Even if that does mean you have to grocery shop on Monday night.

Birthday Gift Suggestions (For your convenience.)

1. Stand mixer

2. Bread maker? (not sold on this, will it make my life easier?)

3. Cement garden bench

4. Coffee grinder.

5. Aprons (just love 'em!)

6. Freezer.

7. Blender.

8. Loaf pans.

9. Baking stone.

10. Gift certificate to Home Depot.

Psalm 50:2
From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.

Bread Of Life~Wheat, French, Punkin & Heavenly

As promised last week, I remain low(er) tech around here. I've found a new pass time that I hope will become an ongoing source of satisfaction for me and that is made-from-scratch cooking. You might think it would be fairly simple to make the switch but it's turning out to be a fascinating learning experience for me. And good for me in more than one way.
As for my weight, I continue to play with the same five pounds up and down but this week I am noticing that hoped-for change of being physically satisfied and without cravings. I am surprised sometimes to find myself at bedtime not having thought about snacking. The next step for me is to maintain this accomplishment and move forward to portion control that will bring my weight into a healthier range. I'm no longer striving for a size or a number, just a body that is leaner and smaller and that feels healthy. Now I still feel the extra fat and that this weight is too much.
I'm happy to say that I am 99% headache free! I have always been a headachy person and most days I have needed at least one dose of Motrin. I have stress headaches, cluster headaches, sinus headaches, hormonal headaches, bad hair headaches and possibly headaches that predict earthquakes. It's been at least two weeks since I've experienced my usual headache pain. I did still experience the PMS headache but it was much shorter in duration and required just a few Motrin as opposed to the usual 48 hours and 800 mg every 4. Also my infamous insomnia? Greatly improved. No sleepless nights in a few weeks. AND! Finally, my energy level is better than it's been in years; maybe ever. I am staying awake easily until....9:00 p.m.! And by that I mean I'm going to bed to read at 9 and usually not turning off the lights until after 10! Last night in fact, the Mr. went to bed at 8 because he's been pretty sick all weekend. I however, stayed up until 11:00 and made pumpkin wheat bread while I visited with Jay and watched television. Waking up more rested too!
It has been about three weeks since I've indulged in my strongest weakness which is potato chips. We have them in the house but I'm not experiencing any cravings. This is nothing short of miraculous I tells ya. What I do notice is that my 1% remaining headaches are usually within a few hours of drinking pop or eating "junk."
So that's where I've been. Not all that interesting but important to me. The Mr. is laid off and I am off today (worked the weekend.) I have a loaf of French bread rising at the moment. I'm going to do a little housework and get myself together, bake my bread and maybe just hit a matinee or the library. Or both. That might not seem significant but for me, a day off after the weekend at work would be a day of recovery with no thoughts of leaving the house. The warm sunshine (well it is warm even if we can't yet feel it!), the bright Spring-promising days and a content heart are keeping me busy. Not to mention the experimental Smith kitchen!
Love you guys & see you here & there!

Psalm 35:28
My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long.

The Best Parts Of The Day

1. Turning off my blackberry.

2. My first sip of coffee in the morning.

3. The first laugh of the day.

4. When Donny hops into bed.

5. When Dean kisses me good night.

6. After my hair and make-up are done, I hate doing my hair and make-up.

7. Watching The Practice on DVD.

8. When Mac shares his day with me.

9. When Jay shares his day with me.

10. When I'm laying in bed reading.

The Season of Thursdays

Ahh, Thursday night. I like Thursdays. The Mr. has band practice and it's my evening to go at my own pace, turn off the television and do a few housekeeping chores. I usually crawl into bed early to spend an extra hour reading. I never leave the house, I just sort of nestle in.
I used to hate Thursdays. For our entire relationship (28 years!), the Mr. has been in a "group." A gospel group that traveled or the church worship band, usually both. Somehow practice has always been on Thursdays since 1983.
I hated Thursdays in high school because it interrupted our usual evening telephone chat.
I hated Thursdays early in our marriage because it took him away from me.
I hated Thursdays after daboyz were born because after all day with two little ones I was faced with all evening without a break.
I hated Thursdays because on Thursdays, something else took precedence over me. Or so I believed.
You could say that Thursdays no longer upset me because after almost thirty years, I don't need to chat every single evening. Or because I'm glad to have a break from the guy or because the kids are grown and I don't need any help. But you'd be wrong. I no longer dread Thursdays because a dark season in my life is behind me.
This dark season used every single Thursday to taunt me with lies that I was unimportant. Lies from satan whispering that Dean had some great life away from me where he would go and completely forget about me. People would tell me all the time how very blessed I was to have this guy who had devoted his music to the Lord but I couldn't appreciate the wonder of it. All I knew was that it didn't matter if I was sick or the kids were puking or I'd had a terrible day and was crying on the couch, he left for practice without a look back.
I felt that he should take a break from practicing every Thursday while the kids were small because we needed him. I really wasn't altogether out in left field on it. He did use practice to escape our ugly marriage and the general stress of life. But that wasn't really my problem. My problem was the season of lies.
Now I like Thursdays. I enjoy Thursdays evenings when I clean the bathroom and change the sheets on our bed. I like 7:00 bed time with a book. I don't feel alone anymore on Thursdays. What I realize now was that somehow those few hours once a week had me utterly convinced that this separate life of his was just a tiny portrait of how easily he could separate his life from mine altogether. I could never be reassured, I could only stand there every Thursday evening being hurt all over again as Dean drove away.
Thank God the season of lies has passed into the Season of Truth. I no longer need to throw down a gauntlet (after gauntlet after gauntlet) to see if he'd stay or go. And this really isn't about our love story but about the love story of Christ & me. There is no love outside of Jesus, there is only a frail humanity grasping at shadows, peering through a dirty window...seeing through a glass darkly. When I found my way into the light of God and allowed myself total immersion in Him and foolishly threw aside the ideas that I was unworthy, I no longer chased after proof of love. Many say there is a gift of loving others. I'm not terribly impressed with that gift. I am convinced that there is a greater gift, that of receiving love. Being able to let the people in my life fall short of my needs without the darkness descending back into my spirit came only when God's love was truly revealed in me and in that, every crevice, crack and fissure caused by disappointment was filled with peace and joy. Filled with Christ.
Have you ever seen a volcano? The mountain shakes and explodes causing huge cracks down its surface and then the lava streams over the top filling every gap. The volcano quiets and the lava cools and the mountainside becomes whole and smooth again.
God's love is not a gentle cloud that descends on us with angel's song. It is a mighty force, it is magnificent and unimaginable. It's surprising but more than that, it's shocking. It trembles the earth and breaks out of ground and dominates the landscape.
I have crawled through the season of lies. I have danced in the Season of Truth.
The landscape of my life trembles at the fury of His love.

Being home with, ahem, female issues for a few days has sidelined my work calendar but given me an opportunity to move a little more slowly at home. As the whole food/additive-free diet continues I am continuing to learn how to cook things differently. One of my promised goals this week was baking bread from scratch.

Having read every book in the house and done as much housework as I feel up to, it was time to face the bread. I used the honey wheat recipe off of the Gold Medal Whole Wheat flour bag only I used all whole wheat instead of adding white flour per the recipe. This was not entirely due to a health commitment so much as that I had no white flour in the house! Lesson learned, most whole wheat-using recipes still require some white flour. According to my disorganized research, even replacing half of the flour used with whole wheat is of great benefit. I'll let you know what the vote is on the bread although I can't blame Mr. Gold Medal if it's not a winner this time since I didn't exactly follow the directions.

For dinner, chicken & rice casserole. I even made a roux from the chicken juices instead of the traditional can of cream of ______ soup! Once again, we'll see what the masses think.

Either it'll be a wonderfully wholesome meal of chicken casserole with rice & fresh veggies, home made honey wheat bread and spinach salad OR, it'll be back to the drawing board.

Maybe it's a good thing I am usually at work instead of experimenting!

Update: The bread was a success! Yumalicious! The casserole was good too, although the Mr. didn't like it. Oh well, can't win 'em all!

Little House In The Suburbs

Yes, I'm still out here! I'm definitely on a blog reduction right now. Actually you could call it a low-tech streak altogether. I'm working longer hours just by virtue of no longer working hourly but salary and the Mr.'s schedule has changed to 4 ten hour days a week which means we're both getting home at 6 p.m. or so. We used to both get home around 4. Add to this the winter weather which doesn't make me blue but does make me want to hunker in with a blanket in front of the fire reading, watching old DVDs or dozing. And finally our new dietary lifestyle which means eating home a lot more and making meals that are a bit more time-consuming (all from scratch.) So there you have where I've been!
Every one in a while I seem to go through a computer-free phase. I use a computer quite a lot at work so when I come home, I'm less than enthralled with it. Lately I'm enjoying more of a Little House On The Prairie existence here in the suburbs. Even the books I'm reading are all gentle and sweet, none of the usual crime & mystery I usually enjoy. When I have those pockets of down time I'm experimenting with making homemade snacks (like oatmeal honey cookies.) I'm planning on making bread this week. It's not that I'm busy, I'm just otherwise occupied.
Does it ever feel like just a little too much tech in your life?
I'm still here but if you notice a lack of current posts you can presume I'm just contentedly nesting, enjoying the occasional sunshine and tracking the earlier and earlier morning sunrises as Spring approaches. I may suddenly snap back to daily posts or maybe not. But I will be sure to let you know how that bread turns out!

Isaiah 48:17-19 17

his is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Your descendants would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains; their name would never be cut off nor destroyed from before me."

Matthew 6:26-28

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.

Things That Bother Me

1. Gossip
2. The medical community insisting that vaccinations don't contribute to autism.
3. How blindly I've fed my family junk for years and years.
4. Waking up to a messy kitchen.
5. Going to bed in a bed that wasn't made.
6. Not having coffee in the morning.
7. Bad hair.
8. Video/computer games.
9. Not having a book to read.
10. My weight.

Home Away From Home

This is where I spend 40 or so hours a week. Well not necessarily in this room for all of those hours. I am a psychiatric nurse supervisor. I work at an inpatient mental health facility, 3 units/100 beds. Specifically I manage Mod C, a 30 bed unit for the pervasive and persistently mentally ill. Our patients are people who have had a serious mental illness for many years, mostly schizophrenia. This is the unit of the hospital where people are admitted who are most likely to be violent or unpredictable.

I love my job.

That said, I usually groan a little every morning when the alarm sounds and I really love days off. But I am grateful to have a job, and furthermore to have a job over which I have some control as to how I spend my days. Last weekend I walked into my office and it was a mess. I wasn't surprised as it had been a mess for several weeks. It seems like all of the stuff that we aren't sure where to store, ends up on my office floor. Just like home, it gets away from you and you don't know where to start cleaning and so; you don't. Well I had had all I could stand so I dealt with the mess. Two of the large boxes that had been on my floor and I had been stepping around were empty. Why were they in my office? They had been delivered in December containing Christmas gifts and after the gifts were distributed I just never got rid of the boxes. I was going to use them for something. I was going to take them to the dumpster on my way out. I was going to ask around if anyone else needed two largish boxes.

Then there were the stacks and stacks of papers. Toss, toss, toss. Only ended up actually filing about 20% of the stacks I had kept on my desk.

But you know what, that slowly accumulating pile of stuff was getting to me in ways I didn't realize. I cleaned my office thoroughly on Saturday and on Sunday morning when I walked in I found myself happy to be there. I put a disc into my CD player and settled in for a great day. Not a day that was so much easier than the days prior, but a great one nonetheless.

I was sure that as people stopped by my office they'd comment on the beautiful job I'd done straightening. Not one comment! But that's ok because I am the one who has to "live" in that space. It only has to work for me and now it does.

In a time when we face lay-offs, wage freezes, home life stress...whatever the case may be, we sometimes forget to make life a little brighter in the spaces we can control. But what an impact it can have to look around and know that you have done all you can and now you can settle in and do what needs doing one day at a time. We underestimate things like the pleasure of a cheerful clean kitchen on a day when we are clipping coupons to try to afford groceries. So we can let life go haywire and suffer all the more than if we'd kept our hands on the wheel.

It doesn't cost any money to wake up early enough to enjoy the morning sun. To get yourself together in neat clothes and do your hair even if you've no where to go (does anyone else save their "good" sweaters indefinitely?) Go ahead and scrub that floor, open wide the blinds and make your space in life beautiful. Not only will it bring joy to your soul, it is a message to the enemy that Life still shines in the darkest of days.

Don't be overwhelmed today. Do what you can. It'll accomplish more than you realize.

Thursday

Today being Thursday I go in to work a few hours late and work into afternoon shift for a few hours. That means I move a little more slowly and sip my coffee for a bit longer before the daily dreaded task of hair management.
This week Ford announced that the Mr.'s plant (Auto Alliance Flatrock) is laying off 950 employees and reducing to one shift. Dean's job is safe although obviously, with the elimination of 950 positions his seniority shifts down. Most of the people in his plant were hired at the same time when it opened so there are a lot of people with higher seniority by just a matter of days or weeks. He is now praying about whether to remain at this plant or move to another local plant that is running three shifts. Please pray with us for wisdom and guidance in this decision.
Tomorrow we are taking Dean's dad to the V.A. Hospital in Ann Arbor. We applied for V.A. benefits the week after Christmas and we received an appointment within a few weeks. What a surprise considering the stigma that applying for benefits and getting assistance is nearly impossible. I had people tell me we would need a lawyer to get an appointment. We are hopeful that he can get some assistance and maybe even drop the medical insurance they pay for out of pocket for him. In March we will be taking him to a behavioral neurologist for further assessment as his dementia is not typical and his MRI did not explain what's going on.
In other news Donny was brought home by strangers the other night for about the fourth time! Our gate does not close tightly and it looks like he pushed through it chasing a rabbit (judging by the dog/bunny prints.) He has NEVER done that before. So the Mr. and Jay were out at 10:30 at night looking frantically for him when a lovely couple in a minivan pulled up with him happily riding in their back seat. So we've bunjied (yes that's a word) the gate shut pending warmer weather when it can be properly repaired.
I think that's the update for us. Have a good Friday!

TRUTH

For who is God besides the Lord?

And who is the Rock except our God?

It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;

He enables me to stand on the heights.

Psalm 18:31-33

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

I love

1. His smile.
2. His voice.
3. His kindness.
4. That he always puts gas in my truck.
5. How much he loves our boys.
6. His laugh.
7. His patience.
8. How he worships.
9. That he grocery shops every week.
10. How he loves me.

You're on my side, right?

Well, if we're not talking about what I eat or my bowel movements, what is left except my sleep habits? You all know that I am not exactly a gifted sleeper. I can remember as a little girl, before my sister was born, being unable to nap. I would lay down in the little yellow back room of our house in my single brass bed with the white chenille spread and...stare. And think and make up stories in my head. Pretty much everything but actually sleep.
I have all the of the basic sleep disabilities-take forever to fall asleep, can't stay asleep, awaken too early, awaken if there's too much noise or light or a full moon or a butterfly flaps its wings in Hong Kong. I don't snore, that's something, right? So I try really hard to exercise really healthy sleep habits like no caffeine in the afternoons or evenings and I don't watch anything disturbing on television right before bed. Our bedroom is painted in a soothing color and there is no television in there. No heavy snacks right before bed. I read something peaceful before I turn out the lights. And still there's no guarantee of a restful night.
So this is where you are on my side, right?
Mac. Mac!
He's a night owl. He's on the computer (tap tap tap), on the phone (talk talk talk), making a snack (clank clunk bang.) Not particularly loud but at night time everything seems just a little louder. It takes me about an hour to fall asleep, always has. So on average, I'm falling asleep just about 10:00. Most of the time before midnight I'm awakened by Captain No Sleep. His opinion is that I am unreasonably sensitive. My opinion is be that as it may, it is what it is. If I need the house dark and silent by 10:00 or so, I think that is what should happen! I can pretty much tune out the white noise of the television and conversation as long as it is not conducted at the Mr.'s usual megaphone volume. So after 10, I'm just asking that the phone and computer and sushi bar shuts down. I agree that it's bizarre that the tapping of a keyboard can both awaken me and keep me awake however, it does! Mac goes to school full time but has a large chunk of time with no one home to tap, talk and clank away. He can tap, talk and clank until 10.
Weigh in. It has come to this after yet another night last night when I fell into a deep and restful sleep around 10:30 and was wide awake at 11:36 exactly to the tune of Mac on the phone. When did I fall back to sleep? Last time I checked the clock it was 1:43 a.m. Admitting that my sleep needs are extraordinary, am I crazy to say that I get up early for work therefore my needs come first?

Redeemed Hunger

I am on day 5 of my lifestyle change of choosing whole foods. My head tells me it's too soon to feel a difference but then again, the spirit man responds long before the body catches up. I feel good, energetic. I slept really well last night although not the night before. I have a sense of peace with this that I've not had with prior diet programs. Not that the other systems didn't work, I will forever be a WeightWatcher & credit them with changing my life. But I don't feel that struggling uphill feeling. It's so much easier to say, "I don't eat chips" than it is to say, "I can have 11 chips." Yesterday it was blizzarding so on my way home I stopped at our farm market and bought preservative/dye-free cheese (Havarti, cheddar, Colby) & bakery fresh whole grain bread (sour dough & multi grain) without bleached flour. We made good old fashioned simple grilled cheese. I also took advantage of their food counter to buy a small container of tortellini salad, curry chicken salad and grape leaves-all fresh and natural ingredients. We enjoyed a little of this and little of that with our grilled cheese. Low calorie? No. But we're not focusing entirely on that right now. It's ingredients and portion control. One sandwich and a small scoop of tortellini. And 4 grape leaves. Just before bed I had a cup of licorice & chamomile tea which promised to help me sleep.
Understanding that the novelty of this process is new and even exciting; I am hopeful and happy with our decision. We are feeling more satisfied with smaller portions. We are doing less rummaging for snacks because the strawberries or pineapple or raw veggies are already on the schedule and at our fingertips.
My absolute worst time of day is immediately after work and before dinner. I think it's a combination of wanting to de-stress and being ready for dinner but I'm a hog at that time of day. Well, today I came home hungry for a very good reason, I didn't have a lunch break. It happens sometimes. When I got home I had a few slices of pineapple and finished the three left over cheese tortellinis. And I'm fine. Satisfied, shaky feeling subsided and comfortable waiting for dinner.
I know there will be times when it isn't all so positive and times when I say, "Yes I do eat chips and especially with dip!" That's ok because it's not an error it's a deviation off course. It won't destroy the good my body gains by whole food consumption if it doesn't replace the good choices all together.
Today I am down one pound since the weekend and feeling good. Oh, and Jay is still consuming gluten with no reaction! It was like a party over here making him a grilled cheese!
In everything, I am giving thanks!

Made Whole

For a few years I've given a good deal thought to the whole food movement. I've never doubted the wisdom of the idea, just lacked the gumption to research, convince the Mr. and do it. Debra often shares her efforts to eat healthy and simply and Mrs. Mac will likely be raising chickens any moment now. It's probably the thread that runs amongst our little blog klatch; the homemaker and the woman who longs for simpler times. Times when life and families and food was more...whole. So I am not surprised that here and there we all seem to comment on getting back to basics in one way or another.

As you know, I am a Weight Watcher Lifetime Member not in good standing. Ugh. I remember when I was within a few pounds of my goal weight my mom asked me if I thought I was capable of ever being fat again. I said yes. I'm not back where I was but heaven knows that I'm not where I need to be. I said yes to the question because like the alcoholic, I know my weakness very very well. As my friend Lisa and I have often said, it's the cellular fat girl (CFG.) She never rests!

Why haven't I just jumped into whole foods and healthy living? Lazy and undisciplined would pretty much explain it. Didn't feel like the uphill battle with my guys. Expensive. Blah, blah, blah. Then this week I was listening to Doctor Radio and a nutritionist was talking about healthy eating and the part that preservatives and processed foods likely play in our current health as a society. In case you haven't heard about whole foods, it's really pretty simple. It's doing your best to eat food as close as possible to its original form in nature. Apples, not apple sauce. Eggs, not Egg Beaters. Whole grains not processed white bread and avoiding refined sugar to choose molasses, honey, maple syrup. Oatmeal, not granola bars with oatmeal. Sliced roast beef not lunch meat on your sandwich. It takes some effort because grabbing KFC at the end of a long day is not an option. And remember, I am married to a guy that chooses Arby's instead of McDonald's when he feels like eating healthy.

So this nutritionist just pushed me a few steps along the path I've been eyeing for a while now. Today the Mr. and I went to the Westborn Market because I wanted fresh fruit and had a hankering for grape leaves, which they sell. When we got home I made us each a snack of pineapples and strawberries. And believe it or not, for the first time since I became aware of the concept, I admitted that I would like to learn more about eating whole. It's been quite easy to push the idea aside by blaming his likely lack of support to keep eating the wonderfully delicious fattening food I love. As always, there is a season. Much to my surprise, the guy muted the television (!) and engaged in an insightful conversation with me about eating fresh and whole! I really feel that God planted a seed in my heart and that today was the right season to harvest the idea. Dean was excited to hear about the concept and readily agreed with me that this was something we needed to start doing. Praise the Lord! I mean, seriously; praise the Lord! I have not only felt this was something that would help me with my food struggles but I have been certain of the benefit to our entire family. With diabetes and hypertension in our families and the shocking fact that we seem to be getting older; there is no time like the present to begin guarding our bodies.

I read quite a bit online about whole food diets and one of the things I have most appreciated is that most of the articles advised to take this on as a process. It's ok to be less than 100%. That's something I really struggle with, the concept that less than 100% success with anything is not worth doing. But I feel a true peace in my spirit that for now, we can take each step toward a healthier lifestyle as we are ready. I am asking the Lord to prepare our hearts to receive this change with joy and not with dread or the condemnation that has always accompanied my slips away from complying with my diet.

Today we began our journey. It will be one of baby steps and discipline not to mention learning. I'll ask you to please pray for us that God will guide our hearts as we try to surrender our very bodies to his wisdom. I'll also ask you please, with all the love in my heart, not to become our Whole Food Police. It's probably just me but I have a pet peeve of people pointing at my plate to inform me that I am not allowed this or should have chosen that. We are going to try this one day at a time.

Dear Lord, I give my body and the bodies of my family to you. I ask you to give me wisdom with my food choices and to focus my thoughts not on a dress size or number on the scale but on the belief that a healthy body will reflect beauty in its own way. I yield my cravings and habits to you and confess that I have not honored my responsibility to guard my health. Father, I know that I have created my own battle by allowing myself to live in a way that I know is harmful to me. I'm sorry Lord. I thank you for the bounty that you have given us and that you have allowed me the privilege to live in a country where I am able to choose what I want to eat everyday. Right now I ask you to extend your favor to the farmers and workers who continue to work to provide the same food that you created at the beginning of time. I ask you to bless the crops of this country and prosper us, allowing us to receive your harvest with gratitude. I continue to thank you for the work you are doing in Jay's body as he reintroduces gluten into his diet and I pray you would guard his health and allow him to continue his life free of Celiac disease. Although I have surrendered and taken my appetite back many times before, I surrender again. Give me a redeemed hunger. Thank you. Amen.

Psalm 27:13-14

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD

10 Items of Varying Interest

1. Week one of Jay's Gluten Challenge-no reactions!
2. The FIL has a kidney stone, praying it passes easily.
3. Slept really well last night, wide awake at 5:00 a.m.
4. Going to the library this afternoon.
5. Had popcorn for dinner yesterday.
6. Superbowl party tomorrow!
7. Planning a quiet day today.
8. Sipping my Starbuck's coffee and sitting in front of the fire this morning. Everyone else is still asleep.
9. Still trying to get my diet rolling consistently. I WILL do this!
10. Happy.

The Long Night

Hello friends, it's been a longish few days around here. On Wednesday evening my father-in-law reported that he had "some blood" in his urine. The Mr. checked to find a pretty large amount of clots. My mother-in-law tells us that the exact same thing happened a few years ago, a urologist was consulted who "couldn't really find anything but gave him some pills and it cleared right up." What cleared up? No idea.
Thursday morning when I left for work I advised the Mr. to take his dad to the doctor. Meanwhile at work I called Wal Mart and got a medication history and lo and behold; he had been taking Proscara (for enlarged prostate) as of last spring. The folks fell into the dreaded Medicare Donut Hole around summertime and most of their medications were stopped due to lack of money at that time. However, neither Dean nor I had ever heard of the urologist consultation or the blood or the medication before now. I called the folk's new doctor here in Michigan and he sent the FIL straight to the emergency department. By this time it was Thursday evening after much back and forth about what to do. You see, the MIL felt that the trick was to get those pills again; whatever they were. That would surely clear it up. I felt that he hadn't seen a urologist in heaven knows how long nor taken the mystery med since July so I was very uncomfortable playing around with the situation. After several hours in the E.R. we got our answer; kidney stone. The FIL was discharged home and is following up this afternoon with the doctor and has orders for lots of clear fluids.
This was another one of a few situations since the Folks have moved here to Michigan when caregiver becomes Care Giver. Dean sees that his parents don't always make the right decisions and is still struggling sometimes with stepping in and taking control. But that is our responsibility now. It's easy enough to stand around saying someone must do something. However, once you become the someone; it goes from just a lovely idea of what is right to a sometimes overwhelming daily burden. Yes, I said burden.
In fact, as the MIL was insisting there was no need to go to the doctor, I was on this side of the Mr. telling him that he has no choice. Their lives are in our hands. And often, they are the ones causing us the greatest difficulty in keeping them safe and healthy!
By 2:00 this morning, Dean was home and had talked himself out enough to fall asleep. Does it sometimes make us wonder if we shouldn't have just left things as they were? Sure. For a moment or two at least. We also look to the future and wonder what in the world will be next and next and next. And what if, what if, what if.
But this time another day is passing and drawing to a close. This morning the Mr. took the Folks to Wal Mart to grocery shop and get out a bit. Now he's with them at the doctor. I hope that they realize, as I do, how extraordinary their son is. After several days with them this week taking them to visit family or run errands and last night's very long and stressful events; he was awake this morning and taking them to Wal Mart. I suggested that he just call and tell them he'd pick up their list and save himself the trouble of dealing with his demented dad and blind mom who cannot walk. Just get the groceries and leave the Folks at home. His response? A weary but sweet smile. No, they like to get out of the apartment and they look forward to grocery shopping day.
That's my guy.
Dear Lord, I ask you today to show yourself in relationships of adult children and their parents. Some have wonderful relationships that have not yet changed into that of caretaker; let them feel the fullness of this time in their lives. Others wish for something more that cannot be demanded and will not be offered; God be all that they are not for one another. And allow that to be enough. Father, bridge disappointment, cover despair, grant wisdom and most of all; let our love for one another be holy and right. Families splinter in so many directions. Teach us to hold tight. Amen.

Low Tech & A Little Bit French

I picked up some extra time over the weekend so yesterday I was off and had a no tech day! Well, a low tech day anyway. No cell phone, no computer for me. Just felt that I wanted a little break from constant contact. The Mr. and I went out to lunch, did some housework stuff and watched reruns on television. I made a French vanilla cake and French press coffee (we were very French!) It was a nice day and today I feel rested, relaxed and ready for work.
Jay is doing well with his gluten challenge. He went off his g/f diet Friday evening and so far no reaction. We continue to pray for God's will and feel peaceful about the whole thing regardless of the ultimate outcome.
Well, I better get moving and start the day officially. I'd rather be off again but it's nice to feel refreshed and energized! Maybe we should low tech ourselves on a regular basis, huh?

Happy Tuesday!