Right now...

Right now we're having a busy and not-too-easy week. On Sunday we had to call 911 for the Mr.'s dad and it seems he's had a slight stroke. He was admitted to ICU and will be moved to a general medical floor shortly and then to the rehab unit for a few more days. His success there will dictate what comes next.
In the meantime, their care team, the Mr. and I are working at convincing his mother that the expense of assisted living is a necessity to guard their safety and ensure a greater quality of life for whatever time remains to them. We don't know at what point returning home will no longer be an option for him. Please pray that the right living situation would be made clear.
Pray also, of course for my father-in-law and mother-in-law and finally, please pray for the Mr. It's harder than one imagines it will be when the turns for the worse finally come. Working 10 hour days, spending the rest of his time at the hospital and being a comfort and help to his disabled mom getting her back and forth to visit is quickly exhausting and leaves little opportunity to take care of himself and deal with his own emotions. I convinced him to apply for an FMLA so at least when these times come again (and they will), he will not have the worry of work to add to the load.
Thanks for the love and intercession. Will keep you updated.
P.S. Pray for Mac too, he is serving on a jury for a murder trial. He's asking for wisdom and insight and he is honored to be a part of such an important moment for so many people.
Update: The F-I-L has been moved to a general medical floor and the hope is to move him on to the rehab floor next. Tomorrow he is have a cystoscope done because he has blood in his urine (seems like it's always coming and going and really, he's not able to report accurately.) He'll be checked for bladder cancer. The best news of the day? He was admitted to my sister, Amy's, floor!

The Season of Praying

I don't know for certain that today's world is scarier than what my grandmothers experienced, or their mothers before them. I think a little perspective is in order now and again. My great great grandparents, for example, were murdered in Armenia during the Turkish holocaust. In fact, their entire family except for two sons died at bayonet point and the entire town lost their homes and farms fleeing for their lives. Dare I say my world is more frightening? What is of concern is that I wonder if we pray like the generations before us prayed or do we sit by shaking our heads at the CNN crawl while we watch the gulf become thick with oil. Maybe there's too much breaking news to watch to have time for a prayer closet.

Do you remember prayer closets? I don't have one. Do you?

A prayer closet is a place where someone, often the woman of the house, went and closed one's self in with God. Children knew that the prayer closet was sacred and not to be disturbed. If you were very very blessed as a child, you have stood in the hallway and listened to weeping and calling out to God from within. And lots of times, the weeping gave way to singing.

I think the prayer closet being usually the territory of women makes sense. They did have jobs, as homemakers and mothers, true. But they also considered it their job to do spiritual warfare having the time at home. And then you know what they did? It's utterly wonderfully simple. Every time you saw those women, Sunday School teachers or grandmas or distant relatives, they would hug you very hard and look you in the eye before they let you go and say quietly, "I pray for you every single day." What more fantastic thing can be given to anyone? To be prayed for every single day. The Mr.'s grandmother is 92 years old. She has five children, 11 grandchildren and lots of great grands. She is nearly deaf and now losing her sight. She has terrible arthritis. And every time she sees any of the four of us she hugs us hard, looks us in the eye before she lets go and says, "I pray for you every single day."

Maybe we are so disturbed not because of the state of the world but for lack of a prayer closet. And maybe our children are so confused for lack of hearing mom or grandma calling out to God from behind a door. And Jesus forgive us, do we still tell our children that we pray for them every single day?

Do we?

We need to. We need to pray quietly and earnestly and out loud for so long that it ends with worship and song. And we need to tell them that we have prayed for them and they need to know it's true because they have heard the weeping and seen the tearfully joyous face that emerges from the prayer closet.

Listen to me, Ladies. Don't let the generation of praying women end with you.

Or we really will live in a world worthy of fear.

I am Natasha (in a Russian accent)

It's been just about a week since I de-Facedbooked myself. I have missed it a little bit. But just a little bit, and I'm quickly over it.

I'm surprised at the number of people who have commented (in person of course) on my de-Facebookification. And, get this; the most commonly used word? Brave! Brave? As in, "Man, I wish I was brave enough to get off of Facebook." "Good for you, you're braver than me." Seriously? Brave? I feel like I should set the record straight that it took zero bravery. Bravery would seem to indicate facing something one is afraid of and I am not afraid of the Facebook. Although I kind of want to ask, what do you think Facebook is going to do to me? Is there something I should know?

Oh! And I discovered another tidbit. You probably already know this but I find it fascinating in a I-thought-about-this-twice-today kind of fascinating. People are now creating...

FAKE FACEBOOK IDENTITIES!!!

That's right! People who Facebooked and then didn't like being so easily found (which is the very reason for which Facebook gets out of bed in the morning) are in the Facebook Witness Protection Program. I've had three people suggest I create a secret identity and then send them a Friend Request with a note explaining who I really am. I am thinking of calling myself Natasha Boop but you have to say it with a Russian accent or it's ridiculous. And then, what, do you use a real picture since you're under an assumed name so it won't identify you? Do you use a picture off of Google? A pencil drawing of a stick figure? A silhouette like Alfred Hitchcock?

Now you're destined to feverishly fire up the Facebook daily to see if you have a Friend Request from Natasha Boop (in a Russian accent) and then when you don't, wondering, is Natasha dis'ing you?

Or was she never out there in the first place?

Bwahahahahahahahahha!

(In a Russian accent dah'ling.)

Psalm 37:4

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

I like

1. The smell of freshly mowed grass and tomato plant leaves and dirt.
2. Dogs.
3. Being home alone.
4. Old movies in general or new movies with fabulous houses. 5. To read blogs every morning, books every night and the Old Testament.
6. Sitting on my deck.
7. Making plans for now, in a little while and someday.
8. Road trips with the Mr.
9. Rivers more than lakes, lakes more than oceans.
10. Lemonade.

God shed His grace on thee

I miss the old America. I'm not exactly sure what that means. I would say I miss the simpler and more innocent time of my childhood, but were the 1970s really that innocent and simple? Post Vietnam, surging drug culture, oil shortage, unemployment? I think what I actually miss is the being a child itself. When I was a little kid, for instance, summer was years and years long. I had no concept of 6 more weeks, one more month...it wasn't about a calendar, it was about living full on without dread of school because school was gone for a moment. And then a week before school, time to start the back-to-school schedule, time for heavier clothes and long jeans on the bed from K-Marts to try on. Can't imagine it'll ever be cold enough to wear those tights but, ok, whatever.

So maybe I miss something else. Do I miss the 1950s? I never actually lived during the 1950s, but according to Happy Days, it looks pretty awesome. Intact families, poodle skirts and sodas at Arnold's. Bomb shelters, air raid sirens and nuclear bomb drills notwithstanding, I think it must be the 1950s I miss.

Or maybe the 1940s? Carey Grant and Irene Dunne were fabulously happy then! Everyone lived in a white sided colonial with a privacy hedge and roses bushes. And the ladies of the house wore flowing organza robes over satin nightgowns and high-heeled feather slippers. That was when they were not strolling with their fat happy babies wearing high heals, a hat and pearls. Yes, I miss the 1940s. What's that? What about World War II? Shut up.

My Grandma Trent was a wife and mother of all of those decades. And you know what I remember most about her? Patriotism. I think I might miss patriotism. There is patriotism now, but it's an angry sort. It's right vs. left; conservative vs. liberal, democrat vs. republican patriotism. It's the wonderfulness of a black president against a background of fear; don't you dare criticize that black president or you are a racist. It's not you and me against the world any longer. It's you and me against each other.

I don't like politics. I'm grateful for the people who are called to a passion for politics because we need you. But I don't like politics in the way someone else might not like hound dogs or being a nurse. It's about how God wired us to do his will in specific areas of life. But patriotism? I think that's different. And it's becoming frighteningly admirable to hate the United States. I'll venture off into political incorrectness and sneak in my opinion on that. If you hate the United States, you're an idiot and you need to move to a country that you can love and support and be...patriotic...there.

My Grandma had eagles, flags and red, white and blue everywhere. Bicentennial year? 1776 wall paper in the kitchen. Liberty bell lamp? I'll take one to match my bald eagle lamp. Sofa? Red, white & blue with the eagle motif to match the wallpaper and the lamps. Red, white and blue scarves around her neck and Time magazine on the end table. American flag on the house? Nope. That's for the average citizen. She had a 25 foot tall flag pole in her yard. Like a school! With a giant heavy flag that we raised and lowered with this rope and pulley thing. And if it got cloudy you bet we were sent out to lower that flag! That's what a miss. National pride. Love of country. Gratitude that the immigrants who came before you came here to this wonderful miraculous place. Ancestors who told you that it was terrible there (the truth) and who believed and trusted that things were better here and they could work hard for something wonderful (justice) and that living here while maintaining ethnic traditions was perfection (the American Way.)

I think the things I miss are things that people stopped doing. Adults truly celebrating Memorial Day and Fourth of July as moments of courage and patriotism instead of a day off. That's what I miss. American flags not only flown every day, but respectfully taken down during rain and properly destroyed when they aged. Thinking any symbol of America was the prettiest thing a person could could imagine and surrounding yourself with bald eagles. That's what I miss.

Refusing to pray for and respect a leader we dislike is stupidity. Compromising the borders that keep us safe and free is lunacy. Shooting off our mouths against our home instead of working and voting and influencing this nation in a dignified and loyal way is disgraceful.

I am an American.

Spoiled, privileged, honored, grateful, lazy, smart, foolish, determined...Hungarian, German, Armenian, English...Female, mother, wife, daughter, sister, nurse...Religious, Christian, supporter of Israel, wary of the Middle East....

I am an American.

It's time we stop making fools of ourselves and fly the flag that represents who we are supposed to be.

The Season of Building

What is a wise woman?

Proverbs 14:1 says this; The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down...

This, I think, could be the scripture that could save this country. The United States of America has very little applause for the woman who is building her own house. However, you may see a standing ovation for the one who proclaims that making her self happy will make her a better mother or she deserves better than______________and she is demanding her due. We have made womanhood so complicated and in the process, we've lost the value that God placed on our heads when he created us.

We've almost become worthless.

What if we all lived life with one goal and every decision we make was in pursuit of that one goal. Just one. Choose your goal. But be forewarned that anything that does not build our house tears it down. Imagine a house, a neighborhood, a city, a nation of women with a singular passion I WILL BUILD MY HOUSE.

Her career choice is the one that will build her house. For the single woman, she will only date (even a single cup of coffee date) a man who will build her house. A married woman will deal with her husband only in a manner that will build her house. She will manage her finances, her body and her spirit only in ways that will build her house. Wow.

All of this house building reveals a scary question. Does this wonderful, kind and good-intentioned woman even know what kind of house she wants to build? Any architect must first sketch his plan. Who wants to live in a house built by moment to moment impulse? "I don't feel like doing plumbing today. If it turns out that we need plumbing, I can just build an outhouse later. I won't mind." Silly and yet, how many women have compromised, avoided the harder work, done the thing that seemed most pleasant for the moment or pursued the thing that seemed to reflect their own belief in their worth only to find themselves living in a house built without indoor plumbing?

Don't just agree with me. Oh yes, let's build a house! Hooray, I am going to build a house! Be the architect if you're serious about it. Sketch the plan the Holy Spirit reveals to you and let that blueprint guide your life.

And then, go build your house.

Tuesday

Good morning friends! Hoping your Memorial Day was peaceful but more than that, praying that it was a day of gratitude. We had the Mr.'s folks over for brunch and after they left we planned on yard work. However, 'round here the rain rolled in and we ended up catnapping.
Today I'm off of work and planning on doing some weeding, which really should be called un-weeding, shouldn't it?
I have a few errands to run and some photographs to transfer and that will likely be the day for me. Days off generally contain less hours than the working ones. It's true.
Oh, I forgot! I deactivated my Facebook account. Glad that's done and the process reinforced my feeling. First they require a specific reason you are deactivating with a little drop down once you choose as to why you shouldn't deactivate just for that! Then you can deactivate, however, you are not deleted. I'm sure that there was note about that in the process of starting my Facebook that I ignored but now it kind of bothers me. All of my information remains in the Facebook universe. The good news is that the FB people tell me I can reactivate any moment by simply signing in!
Well, lesson learned for me that will make me think twice about future social networking sites.
And now, on to a day of hot coffee, yard work and general enjoyment.
Grace!

Psalm 27:3
Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

Weekend & Yard Stuffs

1. My neglected garden has bloomed! Strawberries, raspberry bushes, herbs everywhere!
2. Bought a new AMERICAN flag for the house, the only flag I will fly on the front of the house.
3. Working this weekend, hoping for enough staff to work short days.
4. Bought some new pots to plant container garden veggies.
5. Anxious to clean out the flower beds and plant my summer yard.
6. Bird baths, such a simple pleasure.
7. Big green ferns hung on my deck.
8. Hanging outdoor blinds on the deck too.
9. Year by year a few more perennials.
10. I could sit in my backyard and never need a vacation; lame or lucky?

Perfume

So here's the thing, you might not get this. But do you know that particular scent of an attic during the summertime? Kind of warm and wood and baked somehow? If you do, that'll help.

So.

I can smell my gramma today.

I should probably explain, in case you're just joining us, that I live in my grandparent's house. They moved here when I was about six years old. When my gramma passed away in 2008 we decided to buy this house from my mom and uncle and moved in in 2009. I'm sure I'd have survived the grieving process either way, but at the time I thought it would break me into pieces if this house was emptied out and strangers moved in. So we bought it. Furnished with all of her things and feeling very much like the house has always felt. It soothed me.

And also, it smelled very much like it always smelled. There was a particular scent to my grandparents' house. Talcum powder, clean and crisp and a little citrusy. Oh, I can't correctly describe it but her sister, my Aunt Elizabeth's, house smelled the same. Even their cheeks had that sweet scent when you kissed them hello or good-bye.

The changing of my gramma's house into ours has been gradual and gentle. Also, something my heart needed. The ugly dark paneling and blue carpet in the family room didn't seem the least bit unpleasant to me for many many months. It was like spending the night when I was little only I never had to go home, because this was home. Which it always kind of was anyway. We even inherited my gramma's bedroom furniture, which I'd have never have purchased on my own by the way. Early American cherry it is, pencil posts and matching highboy. Oh, very beautiful but entirely too formal for my particular taste. Except for now, it is our bedroom furniture and that's that.

Back to the point. I can smell my grandma today. The house smelled the same for a very long time but slowly and surely it has smelled less and less like my grandparent's house and more like ours. Our particular bouquet being a mix of Citrus & Sage Yankee candles, gym shoes and hound dog. Oh Lord, the place never smelled of hound dog before we took up residence! But now the dark paneling is gingery cream and the blue carpet is a memory and the cherry furnitured bedroom has pistachio green walls (very un-gramma like paint.) And most of the time, no more gramma & grampa sweet talcum powder baked wood citrusy smell. Except for sometimes.

I'm sure it could be attributed to change of season, humidity, barometric pressure or what have you. I don't really care. I just know that every once in a while, there it is. Mmmm. Gramma & Grampa's house again. Warm and love-filled and memory soaked. Their house, my house, our house, The Family House.

Maybe this house held so much love it was absorbed into the plaster and wood?

But it's pretty wonderful, days like today. When I can smell my gramma.

The Open Book

Ah yes, satan has noticed me. Of course with my declaration of abundance this has been a week at work that has felt a little too abundant with all the wrong stuff. In our hospital usually staffed with three day shift managers it was just me yesterday and me covering 2 out of 3 units today. Oh, and my boss? Off yesterday and today. It's been pretty much just me and my shadow the last two days.
Naturally, this is about the point when multiple staff decide their multiple issues must be dealt with. Everything for the last two days has been NOW. I'll be honest, I'm whipped. I got home yesterday at 6:00 and was in bed by 7:30. God bless the Mr. who not only made dinner but cleaned up. And then didn't fuss when I was wide awake at 11:00, turned on a light and read for an hour. I love that guy.
Today more of the same but with my heart newly tuned to the Holy Spirit's presence, it was me that was changed and not the circumstance. I opened a Bible and put it on my desk. Did I read it? Nope. No time. Even lunch consisted of 4 strawberries and a banana at my desk. But the simple act of opening the Word and putting it in front of me left the door to my mind open to wisdom. A visual reminder of the path I've chosen and that it is me who is to bring abundance into oppression.
I could've gotten involved in refereeing two staff who are constantly going at it. I referred them to human resources. I could've pitched in on the floor but I realized that the staff was adequate and I didn't need to take on more work that I'd resent (isn't that a lesson? It takes a humbled spirit not to need to be the hero.) I put on my Ipod and walked past my staff telling them I was going to walk off some frustration. They got the message. Back off, she's not playing.
A good day? Well, not a bad one anyway. I thought it was going to be but the presence of that little green Bible sent a message to me and frankly, sent one to the enemy.
Finally the Lord being a loving God who gives good things wrapped the day up before I needed a second walk around the parking lot. By 3:30 afternoon shift was there and running smoothly. My work for the day was, miraculously, done. At 4:00 p.m. I was out the door.
It was an eight hour day without a lunch but I did take that walk that very likely saved several lives from my wrath. I'm home in my quiet little house with the air conditioning and the ceiling fans blowing on me and I am relaxed. Another bonus of abundance. The ability to let moments fall away behind you and a spirit that doesn't allow aggravation to linger.
Ahhh.
Abundance.

Bearing Abundance

It is often remarkable to me where God is, and what He is planning for me. The remarkable part is how off base I am pretty much always. Even more remarkable is that my ignorance, pride, foolishness, stubborness doesn't get in the way. Let me modify that, God uses my bad as much as He does my good to accomplish His work.
I've been at my current job since January 2008. It hasn't been complete joy. It's been more not joyful as a matter of fact. I love my former position in a way that I didn't love my new one. Things changed from knowing I was good, really good at what I did to trying to figure out just exactly what it was I was supposed to be doing. It changed from an atmosphere of eight hours a day with friends who laughed and worked through the day with me to one of feeling isolated much of the time.
I suddenly found myself in a job that seemed to be completely void of vision. The lack of vision will make you feel exhausted after a while. Yet I know that God has placed me here. I knew every day that God had a purpose for me but it was like I was in a dark and unfamiliar room stumbling around for a light switch. It felt like all the things that made me great at my last position were worthless in this new one, and I couldn't even put my finger on what skills I needed now. Dont' get me wrong, I haven't hated my job for three years. I just hadn't felt like I had quite clicked, quite figured it all out. I didn't feel like I was as good at it as I wanted to be and as God expected me to be.
As the Christmas holidays approached I started to truly bottom out. I heard myself being pessimistic and argumentative instead of encouraging and energetic. I couldn't find the creativity that had been there before. I was clocking my time and that was it. But I knew that God gives abundant life and despite a paycheck and a nice office, my work life didn't feel abundant. Have a week of vacation scheduled between Christmas and New Year, I knew I had to get my groove back. I had to find the work the Holy Spirit was doing at the hospital so that I could get into His wake. So I prayed. I prayed about myself and thanked God for the job and worshiped for power and gave Him glory for the opportunity and claimed it all for Christ.
And I decided to stop speaking anything but life. Life Life Life. I returned in January with restored joy and peace. I asked for revelation and got it. Then I had to ask for courage to be a vessel for revelation. And I got it.
I asked for creativity to see past all of the agendas and ideas into the heart of Jesus. And I got it.
Now I find myself on Sunday evening looking forward to work tomorrow. I know not only what needs doing but God has given me a spirit that can tolerate nothing short of His will so I feel energized.
There's nothing about my work that would be very interesting to you. I don't even talk much about it at home. But I share this to tell you that all areas of your life are destined for abundance. That doesn't mean prosperity by man's measure. It means fullness, completeness, purpose, confidence, peace, joy, optimism, energy, laughter, focus. We must not divide our lives into tiny pieces taking good things here and lesser things there. I encourage you to examine your home, marriage, kids, friends, church, job, whatever the pieces are the build your life and seek God in every area.
Abundance is for every Christian to take with them into the world, sharing the supernatural edge to life that the unbeliever cannot create. Where there is not abundance, there is oppression. There is nothing between. It is the work of the Follower to bind oppression and make the path for miracles to show forth Christ.
Be the bearer of abundance.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8

Recipe for a good day...

1. Don't try to solve other people's problems.
2. Guard your health.
3. Take the high road.
4. Don't gossip.
5. Talk to God.
6. Know scripture.
7. Know yourself well enough to know what matters most.
8. Manage your money.
9. Take responsibility.
10. Be an encourager.

Not yet...

I've decided that the first part of my detecherizing will involve my Facebook account. I don't feel that my blog is the problem and in fact, it is more often enriching to share and receive these "letters" between friends. The continual updates on Facebook tend to draw me in to check what's new during my quiet moments instead of the daily blog check-in. Also, Facebook just creeps beyond its own borders too much for my comfort. I'm going to pull back from that whole thing for a while and then will likely delete the entire account.
Having given much thought and prayer to what this overhaul of my virtual life needs to look like, I think I'm figuring out what to do with it. I'm going to organize my home office and make it a nicer place than it presently is, which is a spare room/catcher of all stuff without a home/computer room/ironing board room/dog kennel room. I will pack up the laptop and store it and hopefully, remove it from the center of the family room thereby making myself have computer time and time that is NOT.
I will continue in my decision not to trade up to a blackberry i phone such thing. My personal cell will always be a phone only and that for limited purpose. So if you're someone who chats on your cell in the car, please don't be offended if I don't chit chat during my drive time.
Hopefully, making a home office space will also encourage me to upload my photographs and use them on my blog. Right now they all live inside of my camera and I usually sit on the couch on the lap top.
Finally, I will continue in my determination that this blog will be, if not always brilliant, at least pleasing to God. A place to exchange prayer and encouragement and to share what's going on. I will always be honest but will also respect the privacy of others so you won't find the inside scoop here. I won't use it as a forum for revenge, attention-seeking or veiled references at people I'm angry with. No profanity. Lots of home & hearth.
Consider this a renewed invitation to join me if you're so inclined.
Facebook, your days are numbered.

Good-bye?

I'm seriously considering going computer-free. I know that in 2010, you can't really be 100% computer-free (at least not have a job and do so.) And I wouldn't want to lose all contact with my friends and sisters who are connected by internet only. So not computer-free, but let's say, computer minimal.

I want to be a computer minimalist.
This consideration has a few different origins. One is that the right cushion of our couch in the family room is permanently smooshed from all of us sitting there using the laptop, including myself right now. Another is that I am becoming aware of the first signs of carpal tunnel. And there's the time, time, time I spend unnecessarily online. It's a bit of a pacifier sometimes, I am embarrassed to tell you.

And there's another thing. Is this politically incorrect? Probably. There is the intrusive nature of the internet. I know, it's nasty sounding of me. But we all know I'm anti-social, right? I feel like I am in a fishbowl. Someone at work said to me the other day, having tried to reach me and failing, that I should NEVER be unreachable what with e mail, blackberry, personal cell, home phone, voice mail, facebook. That terrifies me. And kind of makes me angry. I told this individual that I am unreachable when I choose to be. The problem is that with all of the aforementioned, now other people can take it personally whereas in the good old days we had the option of assuming that someone just wasn't home or at their desk. I am 43 years too old for an umbilical cord.

Facebook pushed me over the edge. It seemed lovely really, reconnect with people you don't often see. Enjoy pictures of their families and their homes. Let's just call it what it is, I want the right to voyeurism but don't want anyone else to have that right. Have you ever gotten a friend request and thought A. who the heck is this person? and then you look through their friends to try to find the common thread. Church? Work? Family? High school? or B. great, there is a reason we lost touch and now they found me! It's insulting to decline/ignore a friend request. I know this, having felt the sting.

It's wonderful in so many ways, that's why this is a decision I am struggling with. I so love checking in and seeing what's up with friends I attended Sunday School with but never see. I treasure the connection to family who live far away or even those who live near but our busy lives interfere with lots of personal contact. And those of you who are my online friends? I honestly fear and dread pulling back and losing you.

And yet, anti-social Sara doesn't want her worlds colliding. People at work want to "friend" me and now it's accept or insult. But there are perfectly lovely people at work who I wouldn't choose to invite into my daily life. And I don't like the guardedness I feel when sharing my heart because there are windows into my life now.

Summertime is here and I am ready for flower planting and reading in a hammock and growing my own salad. Maybe it's a good time to figure this out. And so, my online friends (who have become some of the dearest people in my life); will you still be my friend if we use snail mail? Because I still need you. But I need...

I need a life I can hold in my hands and save for my grandchildren.

Psalm 149:3-5
Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp. For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds.

Feels wasteful...

1. Sleeping really late on my day off.
2. Throwing away veggies that went bad.
3. Buying clothes outside my usual style, I never wear 'em.
4. Purchasing coffee every morning.
5. Bottled water.
6. Channel surfing.
7. Purchasing books.
8. Dieting another day.
9. Most meetings.
10. The amount of time I spend on the computer.

Friday at last! I have been so tired all week long but I'm hoping for a little bit of sunshine and energy to come my way! So far, the sky looks promising!
And with all this rain? My yard looks like Ireland for goodness sake! I'm itching to walk around the neighborhood, work in the yard and do some baking. I am going to need an extended weekend.
Anyway, the sooner I get going the sooner (theoretically) I get home so have a great day. I'll be in Ireland if you need me:)

The Way-Maker

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 3:18
The Holy Spirit brought this scripture to my mind today as I was getting ready for work. It seems like a verse that might come to mind on a bad day, when you're dreading something. But today it came to me with the sweetest thought. I imagined Christ in my office.
I pictured my empty office, just as I left it last night. I thought of Jesus standing at my window waiting for me to pull into the parking lot. Of peace, favor and joy emanating from Him to fill every corner of the room. Of creativity, energy and wisdom settling into every task I will put my hand to today.
It may be a dreary, cold and rainy week but today I'm happy to follow the Way-Maker into work!

Mother's Day 2010

Stretch! Good morning! It's the Monday after working the weekend off. I never sleep in because that would make my day off shorter! However, on work days, I don't have the same approach.
Had a wonderful Mother's Day, hope you did as well. Although I worked I had lots of hugs and well wishes from patients and staff; all of which meant a great deal to me. So many patients whose children did not visit or whose mom didn't come to see them. I can't say I pass judgement on those families, their journeys have been something I have not experienced. But it is my honor to stand in as daughter or mom on a day when everyone is forced to be aware of their place in the world. One young and very ill young man seemed to be there every time I turned around to say "Happy Mother's Day Sara. Can I hug you?" or to just want to hold my hand for a minute while I was speaking to someone else. He's going to be 19 soon, he wanted me to know that. In fact, he was waiting in the hallway when I arrived because he woke up thinking about Mother's Day. No visit for him. Don't know where his mom is, passed away? Ill herself? Just too overwhelmed to deal with him? Heaven forbid, just doesn't care?
There were lots of women understandably frustrated to be at work on Mother's Day but it felt a little like a very important assignment to me. Because I wasn't the only one playing mom or child to a patient. The entire staff was hugging, holding, talking...Every time I turned around some female staff person was talking to someone and telling them how proud they were of the progress they were making, how handsome or pretty they looked, how funny or smart or sweet they are. In other words, every patient at Kingswood from 6 to 90 had a mom for a minute yesterday.
One of our male employees had a wonderful idea, to have the cafeteria treat our staff moms to a free meal. How lovely the way people are so willing to extend themselves to find ways to celebrate one another.
After work my sister brought over cake and my parents came by for dessert and coffee. We exchanged Mother's Days gifts and spent a few hours together enjoying the last of Mother's Day. I am so thankful for all of the parts of my life that come together to make it whole.
It isn't about sitting in a church hearing the virtues of motherhood extolled or wearing a corsage. It's not about beautiful cards or dinners out, all of which are surely lovely. The real celebration should be from the mother and not of her; for the sacred place to which Christ has appointed her.

Psalm 113:9

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD!

I think a good mom...

1. Knows for certain her kids are not perfect.
2. Learns to do things she doesn't want to do.
3. Prays out loud.
4. Sets limits.
5. Has high expectations that are not unreachable.
6. Laughs with her kids.
7. Is relaxed.
8. Makes a home, makes a home, makes a home.
9. Becomes her best self.
10. Drinks coffee. Wink.

Pictured: My Mother's Day gift!

Today I reviewed the public health code, completed the April Infection Control report & talked to an angry family. I challenged a doctor, hugged a patient and delegated a task to someone who wanted to argue about my authority.
I helped someone use the internet and answered a patient complaint. I left for lunch 4 times before I actually got there. I got out my car keys and spent 45 minutes trying to actually exit the building. I cleaned up spilled coffee off the floor and still haven't figured out where that urine smell is coming from.
Today I got offended when someone mocked nurse's week & set the record straight on just what it is we do. I demanded the respect due me and gave myself credit when no one noticed me.
Today I believed in myself and doubted myself in the same heartbeat. I acted braver than I felt and gave big credit for a small accomplishment.
I am a nurse.
If you know a nurse, allow me to inform you that every single one of us push through bad days on the fuel of moments of thank you.
And if you are a nurse, hold you head up and represent the rest of us with poise & dignity. We will hold our own to high standards and tolerate little foolishness.
Today I laughed until I cried, danced like Beyonce and finally finished a month's worth of chart audits.
I am a nurse.

David & Jonathon

At the hospital, we have two adult units with one manager each. Myself and Natosha. Natosha started in July 2009. She's become not just a co-worker or even a friend, but a sister. Natosha and I have tissues stationed next to each of our chairs because we regularly ending up crying sharing our hearts, praising God and encouraging one another. We both have gospel music on our computers so a few times a day we'll hear a favorite song in the other person's office (our offices are side by side) and end up in one of the offices dancing and praising. We quote scripture to one another and share our requests for prayer coverage. We pray for our staff, our patients and our community. And we have come to serve another purpose in one another's lives, we check each other.

Natosha and I are both relatively new to management, both graduated nursing school in the same year and both love Jesus. That's where the similarities end. I'm a 43 year old Caucasian, married almost 24 years, two grown boys and have parents who are still married. Natosha is a 33 year old African American single mom of 3 daughters. She was raised by a single mom. You wouldn't think there would be enough in common for us to check each other, but we do. And not necessarily about nursing.

We check one another's attitudes. We check tempers and when we are crossing over the line of disrespect toward our leadership. We check one another's language when the infamous foul mouths of nurses starts to rub off. When we're getting discouraged we speak life into each others careers and lives. This has created an amazingly honest, open and surprisingly nonjudgmental relationship. One that is safe enough to ask to be checked.

"Am I wrong in my thoughts on this?"

"Do I need to confront this?"

"I am making this commitment, hold me to it."

"Help me to put this in a positive light."

Everyone, everyone, everyone has foibles and flaws. And when you are in a truly God-inspired friendship; the Jonathon and David kind of friendship, it becomes an act of sacred love to tell someone to knock it off. This can be as simple & silly and "Step away from the bagel chubs!" to "Do you realize that you are acting like a victim?" We are even sure enough of one another's hearts to call each other out on sin.

I pray that God would give me a heart to receive the truth about myself, regardless of the source. That when anyone points out some issue they see I am willing to stop and examine my life to see if there is some truth in the criticism rather than to become defensive. It isn't always those who love us most who can teach us about ourselves. In fact, it may be the ones who love us most who can hesitate to hurt our feelings. I want to be a person who is willing to recognize anything about myself that reflects Sara more than Christ.

Natosha and I are learning together to speak and hear truth, both the kind that builds us up and the kind that stops us in our tracks.

Psalm 72:5-7
They shall fear thee as long as the sun and moon endure, throughout all generations. He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass: as showers that water the earth. In his days shall the righteous flourish; and abundance of peace so long as the moon endureth.

Birthday Audit

1. Baking stone-love it!
2. Ipod gift cards-love 'em!
3. Electric coffee grinder, already used it &-love it!
4. Bag of Caribou coffee-love it!
5. Ipod-love it!
6. 2 aprons-love 'em!
7. Bible-love it!
8. Lunch at Chang's last week-love it!
9. Dinner with the fam at Golden Feather last night-love it!
10. Birthday cards, notes, e mails, texts, Facebooks, etc.-love you!

Healthy Whole & Hopeful

Time for the whole & healthy food update. We started earlier in the year attempting to eliminat processed & refined foods from our diet and replacing them with whole, fresh & organic. In short, as close to the natural form of food as possible. Learning to eat and cook this way hasn't been terribly difficult so much as time-consuming as we slow down and give up the convenience of ready-made.

We are right on track with our initial round of changes. We purchase very few baked goods any more. I make most of our bread and all of our goodies. The bread is time consuming and challenging considering our full time jobs. The weekly goal is two loaves of whole wheat bread, a batch of cookies and one loaf of quick bread. So far, I'm about 80% on track & consider that success. The only baked good we still tend to purchase is bread and we always buy fresh whole grain now.

Pretty much every weekend I make a pot of homemade soup which we have for one weekend meal and then use the rest of the week for lunch. Throughout the week we plan ahead to cook our meals from scratch and often cook more than one meal at a time with common ingredients so they can be easily reheated at the end of a work day.

I have eliminated pop from my diet except for the occasional out to dinner drink and found that with its elimination, my tendency toward headaches is gone as well. I have also cut out artificial sweeteners. In place of refined sugar I usually opt for honey or raw sugar cane. I tried molasses but didn't care for it.

Most of my research indicated that number one, this is a way of life that doesn't have to be 100% to be beneficial. I'd say I hit the mark around 75%-80% of the time and I'm very satisfied with that. I also learned that it takes about six months for one's body to detox and rebalance metabolism and cravings. I have found that to be pretty accurate as well. At this point, unless I let myself become overly hungry, I have virtually no cravings. I haven't had potato chips in a few months and this was a huge weakness for me. It's not that I'm successfully fighting temptation, I simply don't crave them. I don't know the science of it but the theory is that if your body is getting what it needs, it will not send out those craving signals. I have also noticed that I am not feeling hungry as often. And speaking of hunger...
No, I have not lost weight. I decided to concentrate on healthy and once that was mastered, take the lessons learned and apply to them weight loss through portion control and careful choices. This is going to be a change from my former weight loss experience through Weight Watchers. In my WW days, I was eating fewer calories but not necessarily less volume; if that makes sense. I depended heavily on low fat/low sugar prepared foods & snacks. I ate frozen entrees every day for lunch. I did a tremendous amount of supplementing my intake of healthy food by adding processed food. Now I'm learning a new way of life and those low calorie snacks and foods are no longer an option. This leaves a pretty simple formula; portion control, whole grain/high fiber, veggies & fruit. Seems simple but I know it's not going to be easy.

With warm weather around the corner, I think it's a great time to take this to the next level and benefit from outdoor grilling and fresh produce. I know this is possible and I'm feeling very encouraged that all that I hoped would be accomplished has so far been successful. I have about 35 pounds to lose and believe that this is doable with both whole and healthy food and portion control without chemicals, preservatives or additives.

So that's the update! With good decisions and the right attitude I believe that in the Autumn I can submit the next installment on our journey with a smaller number on the scale to celebrate!

Here's to our health!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Everything on earth has its own time and its own season. There is a time for birth and death, for planting and reaping, For killing and healing, destroying and building, for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing, for throwing stones and gathering stones, embracing and parting. There is a time for finding and losing, keeping and giving, for tearing and sewing,
listening and speaking. There is also a time for love and hate, for war and peace.

And birthday cake.

Unearned Favor

1. My husband.
2. My home.
3. My children.
4. My family.
5. My job.
6. My health.
7. My car(s).
8. Coffee.
9. My friends.
10. My Jesus, my Savior, my Redeemer.

Grace & Cookies

I have a friend who is a very successful business woman. Her Facebook status is often about flying here for a meeting or there for a spa retreat or somewhere else for a seminar. And she has fabulous hair and eyebrows. This is my goal for today-make all of my Nestle Toll house cookies come out the same size. My status, so far unsuccessful.

I have another friend who has just begun her doctorate program. Then there's the one with the perfect little face. The one with the flawless skin. The one with the amazing body. The one with the pretty hands. The one with the incredible house. The one who is never grouchy. The one who is constantly making meals for others. The one who prays for hours everyday.

What is the deal with these cookies? Anyway.

There was a time when I was unable to celebrate wonderful things like these in other people. I could be happy for them but I mean celebrate them. To stand back and just applaud the creative miracle of God made flesh in their lives and minds and bodies. To just admire them without comparing myself.

How can 12 rounded tablespoons result in 12 different size and shaped cookies?

I don't know what has changed in me other than the passage of years. To say I've undergone some kind of internal self-improvement plan of prayer and meditation wouldn't be all that true. I think what has happened is just another whisper of grace across my heart. Peace and contentedness come must easier to me than they used to. Sure, I also have the advantage of having grown up kids and a little more money on my side. A settled and happy marriage helps. Still, I credit grace. Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come. Without Christ, I might not (would not) have come this far, this whole. This peaceful. Grace smooths out the mistakes and the rough edges whether you specifically recognize you need it or not. Grace puts a soft focus on painful memories and makes me able to walk through life with hands stretched open; letting anger fall away and collecting joy and laughter in its place.

Now I can look at these successful, beautiful, sweet, kind, sexy, determined, smart women with the same eyes that admire a waterfall, a summer sky or a perfect lilac. I see through the same eyes that look into the mirror every morning and the same thought comes to mind for all of it.

Look what God has done.

Eye Cookies, I mean Candy

Yes it's Wednesday and no, I am not back to work yet. Tomorrow! Tomorrow for sure!

Today let's talk about one of my favorite favorites. Homemaking. I know, you had no idea. Although I'm not a tech fan, I have found my own little niche on the internet and it is that of those similarly minded. No, I'm not connected to nurses or middle-agers or Republicans or conservatives or even shared faith sites. I find myself, through no particularly intentional design, friends with women I've never met who all comment furiously when one of us mentions a new recipe or paint color decision.

So in between dramatic sighs of boredom and philosophical discussions with Donny about forsythia hedges I've done a bit of internetting the last few days to various blogs or sites to admire homes, decorating, gardening, etc. Although I spend lots of time thinking and blogging about bread recipes, soup and gardens; I have another homey weak spot. Eye candy.

I'm not all about function, although living in a very small bungalow requires the marriage of form and function if one is to avoid living in Grey Gardens minus the charming insanity. (We don't lack insanity so much as charm.)

I like old stuff. Stuff that I can either imagine in its former life in some other woman's kitchen or stuff that I specifically remember from my childhood. I'm more likely to make an impulse antique purchase than one at a department store. I believe in using my olde time treasures although admittedly, I can get a little worried that a break or a chip of a platter that is 40 years old cannot be easily replaced. Something I've realized about old stuff, it almost can't be ugly. It's like there is a line in time when an item goes from out-dated to charming. I like to think I too, have crossed that line. Wink.

For instance, I have this ugly platter. I bought it at an antique shop in Lewiston, where my parents cottage is located. Every year I buy a little something at that shop and rarely pay more than $10. This platter brings to mind late 1960s. It may be older, it might be a school project from 1998. But it's funky and I have decided it's old and probably worth a million dollars. Maybe not the million dollars part but it's funky and old. It's not pretty. But it's interesting, you gotta admit it's interesting.

I have a green candy dish on my desk I bought at the same shop. I am pretty sure it is simply a dish garden container from Thrifty Florist and I paid $1 for it. It's worth much less than $1. However, it's pretty on my desk and it reminds me of Up North and if it breaks, well, I can live with that.

I have other items that were on The Farm or belonged to my mom or grandmothers. Those I treat with a bit more caution but I still love to use them and enjoy them.

But eye candy can be more than antique glassware or vintage platters. Eye candy is a slice of lemon in my water and the forsythias along my fence and the blue souvenir goblet on my bathroom vanity where I put my face cloth.

It's the giant basket of books next to my bed. This is eye candy because it's something that I love, not because it's pretty.

Eye candy is family photographs all over that exceed the number that would be considered decorative and old afghans on my couch. It's the old rooster from The Farm and bird feeders.

It's the sock monkey night light in my kitchen.

So tell me, what are you loving looking at today?

Pic: Ugly valuable Up North cookie dish.

Public Service Announcement!

When you're home sick but just enough better not to sleep constantly, there are a limited number of things that you can do to pass the time. Having a first floor laundry, I got some wash done. That was fun.

Not really up to standing in the kitchen kneading dough or making cookies, and not entirely sure anyone would want to eat goodies baked by a sneezing snotting chef.

Reading would be number one except I returned my library books but didn't get any new ones and it kind of hurts my eyes and head after a few minutes.

Television is...ridiculous.

On the bright side, I come to you with a product endorsement.

I'm sure I'm not alone in realizing that flip flop weather is soon upon us and further realize that one must take foot care seriously if one is going to ask the world to look at one's feet. There are far too many people running around with their feet all hanging out who should be wearing thick socks and a pair of construction boots. All of this to say that I gave myself a pedicure in preparation for warm weather, you mustn't wait until May to begin this process. That done it was time to pay attention to my hands as well. Being a nurse, it's really quite impossible to keep nail polish in good repair and chippy nail polish is second only to pedicure-needing feet in terms of grossness. So I rarely wear polish on my fingers. However, that does not mean a manicure is not in order, even if it is polish free. So I discovered the above product at the Target. Actually I purchased "Trim" brand for about $2. It's a four-sided block that shapes, buffs, smooths and shines the nails.

Ladies, this is the product of the day!

Follow the directions, each side of the block is numbered 1-4. The final result is smooth shiny perfect nails without polish. Natural yet manicured nails.

This might not seem blog worthy to you but three days into sitting on the couch drinking tea, it's the most exciting thing in my world after putting on a bra.

And seriously, do not neglect the mani-pedi!

This is one of those days that makes me go grrrrrrrrr. It's a called-in-sick day. I truly despise calling in to work. I started feeling cruddy on Saturday night but I was working the weekend so I pushed through knowing on Monday I could recoup and presuming that by Tuesday I'd be back in business. Sigh. Nope. Here I am at home. Boyohboyohboy. My bread & cookie baking Monday didn't happen, nor did the errand running I planned.
It's so pretty outside and here I sit in my robe with my tissues and tea at my side feeling grumpy. This would be a great day for a million things except being home sick!
Now it's Plan C, surely on Wednesday I will be back in business!

Sweet Dreams

Another weekend of working just came to a close, 25 minutes ago to be exact. My allergies eyes have become sore throat and body aches. Spring cold or allergy?

So here's my plan for the evening, sipping warm tea and lounging until bedtime. No matter how old I get, there are still these wonderful moments of peaceful sleepiness that are just so lovely. Even if you do have an allergy or a spring cold.

When the bed feels so welcoming and the sheets are so soft and the pillows just ease all the tension out of your muscles.

That's the kind of sleep I'm expecting tonight.

So sweet dreams to you. And a very sleepy evening.

Isaiah 51:3
For the LORD shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.

Proposed Outdoor Project List

1. Patio or deck extension.

2. Water feature.

3. Herb garden.

4. Veggie garden.

5. Berry garden.

6. Sunflower garden.

7. Perennials.

8. Privacy fence phase one.

9. Forsythia hedge phase one.

10. Gardening shed.

How I spend my day off or How women's lib has imprisoned me.

I'm sure I've talked about this before so feel free to move along if you're not a fan of reruns.

Am I the only working woman who feels that there's not enough time in your time off to do things right? If I really attend to the home front the way that I want to, there is very little leisure time for leisure. It's more like paid or unpaid time. I am fortunate to be able to report that I really do enjoy the homemaking part of my life so in some ways, this is leisure for me. At least it's time to pay attention to what really gives me the most satisfaction. But there still isn't enough of it.

A few weeks ago my mom and I spent the day bumming around in search of cookware for our new whole & homemade lifestyle. That was a fun day, out to lunch and being like a couple of 1954 housewives. But I can't do that on a regular basis because there are so many other housewife duties to tend to.

I need to do some baking, some cleaning, some organizing, some yard work, some shopping for food, produce, garden supplies...And there is a secret about shopping, you spend more if you've got less time for it. I don't even like to shop but I realize that if I am going to conserve time with one-stop-shopping, I'm not getting many bargains. Not to mention the utter luxury of antiquing or thrifting where I know treasures await-but I haven't an entire day to devote.

So here I sit on the morning of my day off already on the clock. I need to do many things and know already they can't all be done. I'm prioritizing so I'll get enough accomplished to keep the home front moving forward.

Sadly, what is lost along the way are the things that we have to decide are least productive. Sitting on the deck on a cool morning lingering over coffee. Bumming around with your mom or a friend just exploring what kind of stuff is out there-to buy or just admire. Long drives with no particular destination. Leisurely walks around the neighborhood. Hours in the library. Talking to neighbors over the fence.

Sure, all of these things get their time here and there, but so often they are too far down the list to be reached in a day off.

Today I will clean house, bake, do laundry and go to the grocery store. I will probably drop off my library books but to have time to linger and choose some new ones; not sure. I'll need to iron work clothes for the next few days. That will fill up this day off. And probably leave me pretty tired. That's another thing that falls off the list, rest. At least I've learned a lesson there. This is the very reason I retire to bed fairly early with a book. I know that rest cannot be taken off of the list.

Somehow, I don't feel very liberated.

Lazy

Here we are, Thursday evening. The evening designated to bathroom cleaning and linen changing. To straightening up the house while the Mr. is at practice.

Alas, I fear I am succumbing to laziness.

Here I sit, home from work for an hour and having eaten dinner with absolutely no desire to do the Thursday chores. In fact, worse yet, I have a shameful temptation to do NOTHING whatsoever except paint my toenails and lay in bed listening to the birds through the open window. Shocking!

I haven't had such a busy day. It was a good day actually, got all the to-dos done. I'm not really tired. I'm almost just ridiculously relaxed. And! And I am seriously considering doing absolutely no housework at all and telling myself, "Let somebody else do it!" I never tell myself that! I usually rather enjoy it. What's my deal tonight?

The Mr. is off on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Friday is chock full of doctor's appointments and errands with his parents. But this weekend I'm working and I am feeling very much like he can just take care of the place this week.

What to do, what to do?

What's that? Nothing? I should do nothing?

Well, I just can't do nothing. I'm going to paint my toenails.

I scream

So here I sit in pajamas with no dinner. I ate some trail mix late in the day which took the edge off of my hunger. I texted Dean that we should go out but now I don't want to. Here's what I want. I want to eat ice cream for dinner.

Is that really so wrong?

Dream, Dream, Dream

On Saturday we went to the Novi Home & Garden Show. There were a few stands with fresh flowers and plants; this friends, is my strongest weakness. Seriously, where did this little problem of mine come from? I could spend every penny we have on plants and not be done. Veggies, herbs, flowers, ground cover, succulents, ferns, berries, shrubbery, evergreen...I love it all! I even took several minutes to talk myself out of a tiny tiny topiary.

I wanted to buy some blueberry bushes & forsythias but despite the guy's reassurance, I know it's too early in Michigan to put those tender little roots into the ground. I'll wait until late April, make my purchases and probably keep them potted on the deck until May. But I can't hardly wait! In the Little House books there were passages about the Ingalls family sitting in front of the fire during snowstorms looking at seed catalogs and planning their gardens. That's how I am minus the pioneer spirit and lack of cable!

On the short list...forsythias to plant along my southern fence. I love love love forsythias! They are so farm housy and mid century suburbia. I love unfussy landscaping and every spring when I see the yellow blooms I am amazed all over again. Then it's berry plants. I planted two raspberry bushes last year. No fruit the first fall which is to be expected, keeping fingers crossed that they come back. This year I'll add blueberry. I understand that in order to really get good results I'll have to pay attention to the soil acidity. I never understand that. These things used to grow wild!

Ahhh, just a few more weeks and I can satisfy my urges!

This is what happened.

The Mr. & I had reservations at a bed & breakfast in Irish Hills on Friday night but ended up in a hotel. We've gone to a few B&Bs, which offer a variety of experiences. We don't want the true B&B experience of shared bathrooms and one big breakfast table. Many people choose B&Bs to meet other people and spend hours together getting to know one another. That's lovely, but it's not us. We choose the lodgings that offer private bathrooms. We like the older homes and the ambiance with a few modern amenities. So we had reservations at this old manor that was absolutely beautiful. No doubt about it, one of the prettiest settings I've ever seen. An old white mansion on a lake, what could be better?

The room we requested was the most expensive, $139/night. This was for a room with a jacuzzi tub. Like I said, older home with modern amenities.

When we arrived we were escorted through the owner's living quarters and up a flight of stairs from their kitchen to our room. A room directly above their kitchen and in fact, we could very clearly hear them speaking downstairs after we shut the door. There was a jacuzzi tub with a sign that said no use after midnight. This reaffirmed by theory that there was a sound issue. The cable was out, only a few local channels. Seems like not a big deal but spending the night out in the country with no restaurants nearby and a pretty cold wind blowing, we expected to snuggle in and watch a little TV. We were a bit disappointed with the room itself. Water stains on the ceiling, it seemed drab and in need a little freshening. The bed pillows were flat and the quilt was dingy. And then the straw that broke the camel's back; no shower. What? The website stated private baths in each room, I never thought to ask specifically for a shower!

We weren't there half an hour when we concluded that we didn't care to stay. Especially not at the $139/night rate, which is high by B&B standards.

We went downstairs to the owners to let them know that the room wasn't what we had hoped for and told them exactly what our concerns were and Dean offered them $20 or so for the cancellation. Well, that wasn't going to do. No, we were being charged $139. Despite the information half an hour earlier that we were the only guests during a very slow season, the hostess now informed us that they had refused two other requests for that room for us. Hmm. Well, we felt there was no privacy for our romantic get-away in a room situated directly above their apartment. If we can hear them, they can hear us. And we didn't know there was no shower. Her response was that they never had a complaint before and we could "use the shower down the hallway." No, not for $139 am I going to wander through the house looking for a shower and trying to keep my voice quiet so as not to disturb the people directly under us.

Finally she relented and changed the rate to $135. Wow. I informed her that we were very disappointed not only in the accommodation which was not clearly described on their website but moreso that she was insisting on the entire room rate. This is not typical of B&B experiences and her attitude was devoid of customer service altogether. There was no offer of a reduced rate, the option of choosing another room, nothing.
Dean gave her the cash and as we turned to go saying we were so disappointed in the entire experience the host said, "Yeah, and you're leaving a whole lot poorer too."

Well, that did it.

This woman was a nurse, I had learned while making reservations on the phone. I turned back and said I would think that in the interest of professional courtesy and good business there should be some effort for us to try to meet one another halfway. Additionally, although I would not necessarily criticize the house itself, as I said B&Bs come in many styles; I would expect any inn keeper would want to please their guests and her response to our displeasure would be noted in a review I would add to the website that had referred us to their establishment.

At this point the woman shoved $60 at me without a word and shut the door.

In short, we spent $75 not to stay.

I am willing to accept that there are B&B guests who would not have had a problem with the accommodations and so I really didn't think that the hosts were entirely in the wrong at first. I believed that the lack of a shower should have been disclosed and that the utter lack of privacy should be acknowledged if it bothers the guest. However, the incredibly rude response was the source of my anger.

Ultimately, we left and checked into a hotel with a jacuzzi tub in the room. We went out for a wonderful dinner and had a great evening. I did post a review of our experience. Of course, I'm thankful that we could still afford a hotel room having lost $75. And I'm grateful for the great time we ended up having. Most of all, I find myself most peaceful about the fact that this didn't ruin our weekend. What a wonderful gift from God to have the ministry of the Holy Spirit to allow us to put the unpleasantness behind us and just enjoy one another. This could have put a damper on everything sending us home in anger.

The moral for us?

Never check in without first seeing the room.

Never presume that what you see is what you get.

When in doubt, choose Holiday Inn over B&Bs!

Even if things go wrong, let it go and move forward. Your joy comes from God and never from your wallet or your surroundings. Give anger no place in your heart.

Psalm 72:5-7
They shall fear thee as long as the sun and moon endure, throughout all generations. He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass: as showers that water the earth. In his days shall the righteous flourish; and abundance of peace so long as the moon endureth.

What's so good about it?

Some years ago the Mr. and I started a habit. Every evening when we come home from work, even if it's 4:00 p.m., we put on our pajamas immediately. Once pajamaed we make dinner and most evenings, we pop in a DVD of whatever old television show we're currently watching. Ahh.
I was inspired with this tradition when watching the old Hepburn & Tracy movie, Adam's Rib. In the movie, the two are lawyer spouses who end up on opposite sides of a case. They spend the day in court battling one another but come home at night, change into their pajamas and settle back into their life together, in love, with the day behind them. Every time I watched the film I would think how lovely that seemed, Tracy & Hepburn sitting together in their pajamas at their kitchen table eating dinner together. And then I thought, well I've got pajamas & a kitchen table!
Ever since then Dean & I have immediately put on pajamas when we get home. I'm quite sure he's got no idea that's why, but it is.
Today it's pretty cold around these parts, especially considering the almost-Spring weather we've been having. There's lots of grousing about the chilly winds and the typical degree of irritation that accompanies most work days.
It might make me wonder what's good about a dreary cold day like today. Well, I will tell ya what's so good about it. Having a way to switch gears and come back to my real life. Sure, tonight it's flannel pajamas and slippers but that's ok. As soon as my scrubs hit the clothes hamper and I slid into my fleece robe, it was a good day.
So; what do you do to put away the day?

Today right now...

Easter weekend brings with it huge moments of awe and gratitude for amazing sacrifice of Christ on behalf of the very humanity that rejected him. The Bible tells of the temple veil being torn in two when Jesus died signifying our entrance into the presence of God. I think the tearing of the temple also gave those who accept his sacrifice new eyes to see all that this abundant life means. This morning I find myself quietly grateful for-
The rainy (but not stormy) night that just passed, windows open and almost too lovely to sleep through. In fact, I didn't sleep all the way through but somehow, laying quietly and experiencing the night seemed almost more restful.
Hot coffee (you had to see that coming!) and pretty coffee cups.
Donny laying with his head in my lap as I enjoy aforementioned coffee.
Text messages that I receive when I turn on my cell phone in the morning, sent by the Mr. while I was still sleeping.
My truck with a full tank of gas that makes the drive to work almost fun!
Coconut lime verbena body spray from Bath & Body Works, smells like springtime!
The sound of birds singing as I awaken.
This isn't the unabridged list, it only represents the things that right now, I am thankful for.

This Easter

How life changes. As I write this it is Easter Sunday morning at 9:30. The Mr. left for church almost 2 hours ago, he'll be there until about 3:00 and then he'll go spend some time with his parents. Mac is still asleep, I suspect Jay is too but he sleeps in his own home now. It's just me with my second cup of coffee and Shirley Temple on AMC. It's one of those beautiful crisp and sunny Michigan Spring mornings, mmm. Windows open just a crack because it's not exactly warm but I am inhaling the fresh air like the sweetest perfume.
I just put my croissants in the oven to rise for a few hours before baking. Once my coffee is finished I'll make pilaf to take to Amy's for dinner, transfer it to a crockpot to keep it warm. My chocolate bundt cake is done and I'm deciding how to complete it; glaze, chocolate drizzle, powdered sugar or an experimental strawberry glaze? Decisions decisions decisions. Then if I'm really adventurous I'll go out to the garage where a good portion of my housewares still reside in boxes to try to find my fancy pedestal cake plate with lid. Wow, I got that at my wedding shower in 1986!
Since then we've had such lovely Easter Sundays with little boys in new clothes and sunrise services and Easter baskets and if it wasn't snowing, the occasional egg hunt. The only grands, my kids were the recipients of Easter baskets on top of Easter baskets from grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents. Their childhoods were filled with "Up From The Grave He Arose!" and Sunday School teachers in bright dresses and corsages. It was good, it was the best way to grow up.
Today my grandparents who spent all of those years eating ham with those little boys are spending Easter with Jesus. Dean is playing bass for all five of our church's Easter services, starting last night and continuing through this afternoon. Jay and I went last night to church, Mac will go today with his girl Lexi. At 2:00 we'll meet at my sisters for dinner. Well, most of us. Dean will go to his parent's after church to spend some time with them because they aren't well enough to join us for dinner. Then he'll install the new door alarm we hope will stop his dad's wandering. I made some craisin bread to take over and his grandmother will be sharing dinner with them. The quiet and small celebration is a change from 40 years of 20 guests around a formal table for them. Still holding on to what is left, his mom wanted to make their own dinner with a Honeybaked Ham and her special sweet potatoes.
How life has changed. Dean and I are spending Easter apart because his service to church and his parents require that this is how it is this year. No Easter baskets wait on our kitchen table for little boys. I won't say there isn't some sadness for the time that is truly gone. But it's a small sadness. Much smaller than the happiness of memories for a lifetime done right. Not perfectly! But right, with Jesus and family at the center and no missed opportunities.
This year we're doing it right too. Different, but right. Jesus and family remain at the center and we have grown up enough to know that Christ brings blessing after blessing. I'm going to finish up this coffee and make that pilaf now. The Mr. just texted during a break at church that he loves me and he'll see me this evening. I don't have a new Easter dress, but I did buy a pink t-shirt from Old Navy! I don't mourn but sit with a silly smile on my face all alone in my kitchen.
Oh how lovely this life has been, handed to me with such extravagance! And oh how lovely this life is, today.
There is no "Up From The Grave He Arose" with an entire pew of grandparents and little boys this morning.
But in my quiet house a chorus swells...Great is they faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Happy Easter.

Pic: Easter 1991, Grampa Gerhardstein & Daboyz

Coming Back From The Dead!

Psalm 20:7-9
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God. They are brought down and fallen: but WE ARE RISEN, and stand upright.

Easter Saturday...

...always feels like the earth is holding its breath.

Good Friday

There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.
Lose all their guilty stains, lose all their guilty stains;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.
The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.
Washed all my sins away, washed all my sins away;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.
Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood shall never lose its power
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.
Be saved, to sin no more, be saved, to sin no more;
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.
E’er since, by faith, I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.
And shall be till I die, and shall be till I die;
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.
Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I’ll sing Thy power to save,
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.
Lies silent in the grave, lies silent in the grave;
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.
Lord, I believe Thou hast prepared, unworthy though I be,
For me a blood bought free reward, a golden harp for me!
’Tis strung and tuned for endless years, and formed by power divine,
To sound in God the Father’s ears no other name but Thine.

William Cowper

He Never Lets Go

Well this long week is finally coming to an end. And not a minute too soon! The last week has had some highs and lows but most of all left me so thankful for the anchor of Christ that holds us steady, although sometimes it feels pretty rocky in the moment! Perhaps most of all I find myself in awe of the perfect provision of God. If we had faced the challenges in our lives a few years ago, our rebound time might have been much longer. It can only be the love of God that makes sure the good always outweighs the bad.
For instance, last Friday I was off because I worked the weekend. Somehow a few hours of errand running with Dean's parents turned into about 9 hours which meant we had no time together at all. Saturday I worked and he played at church in the evening. Sunday I worked and by Sunday night I was exhausted and to top it off, injured myself at work. Of course, what else could I do at this point except have insomnia? And Dean back to work on Monday despite the fact that it was my day off.
And here the Holy Spirit makes up for the large and the small that we lose, Dean got up and decided to take a vacation day to make up for our lost Friday. Such a simple thing but by midnight Sunday my non-sleeping self was feeling pretty bereft and pitiful.
Wednesday evening Dean's dad had an MRI appointment which had us out until 9:30 and tonight Dean is at practice. I'm hoping to get off of work around 3:00 and maybe have a little date night? But it's the Friday errands with The Folks so...Lord give me a patient heart and remind me that you give back more than we can give up.
Saturday will be spent cooking and cleaning house. Sunday is Easter which means joy, celebration, family and a long day at church. The Mr. will be there from about 8-3:00. And then Monday and then Tuesday and then another whole week.
It's ok because we have learned to always find our way back to one another and to rest and it is in that spirit that we are going here next weekend.
So color me tired and happy and inpatient and grateful and exhausted and energized and overwhelmed and confidant.
Sleep tight my friends!