Sending My Regrets

I find myself no longer living with a list of accomplishments to be obtained before me but with the simple attempt to live without regret. Regrets are much easier to manage than goals. Actually, regrets often accomplish goals by default.

When the offering plate passes or money is being collected for a cause, my goal of money in the bank closes my fist. However, to avoid regret I pry open my fingers. And I never regret the money I've given away.

On Christmas Eve I asked the Mr. if I should make Mexican Wedding Cake (our traditional Eve dessert) since we had baked so much. Then I went ahead and made it, didn't want to regret breaking with tradition or having daboyz ask where it was. I regret it when my jeans won't snap so I avoid pigging out (theoretically). The accomplishment of weight control happens in the process.

I don't want to regret shooting off my mouth, withholding forgiveness or letting an entire summer pass without eating fresh tomatoes. I don't want to regret not taking pictures once it's too late, I'd rather have boxes of a million photographs no one ever looks at. I don't want to regret hanging up the phone with the Mr. or Daboyz and not saying, "I love you." I don't want to regret not picking up the house when someone unexpectedly knocks on the door.

More than worrying about the not-dones on the life list, I hate the feeling of regret. Regret means I cannot change it, I can only try to mend it. And maybe I can't even do that.

With age comes wisdom (I made that up) so if there is an upside to middle age it is that I've made enough blunders to know I don't like the feeling of messing up.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit whispers, "do or don't do...you'll live to regret it."

I am learning to listen.