But Not A Real Green Dress,That's Cruel

Tax season is upon us and we have not yet filed our taxes as we generally have to pay which is simply because satan hates our guts and blinds the Turbo Tax to the truth of the matter which is that we need some dollars please.

Anyway, I thought I would take today to daydream and pretend that satan did not live inside of the Turbo Tax and think about if I had a million dollars, give or take.

I would redo my family room/kitchen. Antique white cabinets, black granite counter tops and hardwood floors. Check this out, I want to put in a floor made of a bunch of different kinds of remnant hardwood planks in all different finishes. Cool, huh? Overstuffed chenille couches x 2 in dark brown and antique white paneling on the walls. Mahogany plantation blinds.

I would get me some plastic surgery and relocate the sisters north of my belly button. And why not a tummy tuck? And some lasik please. Perhaps some dental veneers. Is there such a thing as a facial veneer?

I'd knock off the top of my house and build a bedroom suite/office that extends over the first floor including the addition. Oh, and I'd put a breakfast nook off my kitchen in that weird little zone that really should have been added on to when the family room was built, I assume grampa's thriftiness was involved in the decision to stop short. He was once called a "Cheapa da skata" by a Tijuana vendor. I'd put in a privacy fence all the way around my yard and then plant various flora and fauna in front of it on my side. I'd build a potting shed type thing on the south side of my garage. I'd put on new siding in a taupey olivy color with white shutters and black trim and replace the wrought iron porch railing with some arts & crafts Frank Lloyd Wright kind of something or other. I'd put in a stained glass window somewhere, maybe the front door. I'd put in a paver patio and take the railing off the east side of the deck and put in stairs leading to the patio. And a fire pit in the middle.

I'd buy 5 pairs of the exact same Levis. And a bunch of Gold Toe socks. And hats of various types including a raspberry beret, the kind you'd find in a second hand store.

I'd redo my basement.

I'd send Mac to school somewhere far aware forcing him to live in a dorm or at least somewhere that wasn't my house. I'd even buy him a new truck to drive there.

I'd buy hair extensions and lots of smell-goods.

I'd replace the batteries in the many watches I have that don't work.

I'd find the perfect purse.

I'd install a river in my back yard and buy goats to keep the lawn trimmed and build a petting zoo.

I'd find somewhere to store the Mr.'s bass where I couldn't see it.

I think that's all for now. Can I buy you anything?

Haven't you always wanted a mon'key?