Lord Have Mercy!

We arrived home to Michigan yesterday at about 6:00 p.m. with the Mr.'s parents in tow. We drove the twelve hours straight through at their request. Let me just say, it hasn't been easy! I spent just about the entire trip text messaging to T & my sister just to keep myself from going around the bend! It was the high tech version of being talked off of a ledge.

Dean's dad has a very fast progressing form of Alzheimer's (or as he says, "Auld Timesers.") He is very childlike and his short term memory is less than one minute. In other words, you ask him to go to the kitchen for a towel and if he makes it to the kitchen he can't remember why he's there. Those are the good moments. At other times he can't remember what or where the kitchen is. He experiences sun downing as well. If you recall the movie The Notebook you'll remember that the wife was relatively calm throughout the day and then in the evening she became so agitated that she had to be physically managed and sedated. His dad is not at the point of physical management but does require taking his arm and escorting him to where he needs to be. He gets up all night and rifles through drawers, test drawer locks and is more confused and anxious than during the daylight hours. Last evening he became worse yet being out of his familiar environment and Dean & I half carried him to bed where Dean undressed him and literally tucked him in. At 1:00 AM we awoke with him standing in our bedroom telling us his wife was in that other room and he doesn't know where their things are. Again the gentle escort back to bed. This morning he is a little more calm although our lack of his usual grape jelly was another anxious moment.

Dean's mom does not have Auld Timesers although her memory is not as intact as she believes it to be. However, thirty some years of unmanaged health problems and her own stubborn refusal to push herself to do anything she doesn't care to do has taken a horrific toll. She is unable to walk more than three feet even with the use of a walker. She refuses to use the walker properly so she bends over like a question mark and lays her forearms against it for support so she can no longer stand straight. She is legally blind as a result of uncontrolled sugar. She needs knee and hip replacement but because of her extreme weight and poor diabetes control no one will operate on her. As a result, she cannot climb any stairs including the short stoop up into the house, cannot get herself into bed, neither into nor our of the tub and cannot get into the car. Dean, his father and I have to lift her. When she gets up at night for the bathroom we all get up with her to assist.

Dean is trying to help them realize that they need to move into assisted living quarters as they still live in their own home and it has become dangerous. He'd like to see them move back to Michigan, we'll see. Having moved to Alabama when Dean's sister was a child, she now lives there with her family, including three small boys, so they have to choose between their children regarding their living arrangements. With more resources here as well as the fact that I am a nurse and our kids our grown; I wonder if it would not be better here. But it's a decision for their family. As you recall, I'm being proactive and forcing my parents to move across the street!

The Mr. is a wonderful guy and no less so with this situation. He's sad and stressed. But he's quickly learning to deal with them which includes that special transition to caretaker of parents. It takes great tenderness and wisdom to take control without taking their dignity and to remember they are still the parents. He's doing so with grace and humor. Of course, he also gets into bed at night and holds his head in his hands and whispers, "Lord have mercy!" But always with a grin.

Donny is also experiencing some Sun downing. Every night he gets into bed with me while I read and falls asleep. Well, the folks are occupying our queen sized bed and the Mr. and I are in the guest room full size. This is causing no small amount of anxiety for the dog who keeps pacing into "their" room and crying. He also peeked over the side of the bed to see if those strangers were still there in the middle of the night. I know this because I heard the father-in-law say, "Marty (the M-I-L), there's a strange dog here in the house." So we locked that strange dog here in the guest room causing much whining and over the bed peeking. He finally got up into the bed with us and there we were, the Mr., the dog in the middle and myself trying to listen for the 'rents and soothe each other to sleep at the same time.

I'll write about the road trip in another post. It'll be more light hearted although if you were experiencing it you would've kept waiting for Chevy Chase to show up with a map to Wally World. Thank you again to T & Amy for spending 12 hours with me via cell phone.

Until tomorrow...

LORD HAVE MERCY!