Is there anything worse than being wrong? Yes. It's the utter exhaustion of denying it.
This is going to be one of those "I have a friend who..." posts for the sake of privacy. One of the greatest lessons I've learned in life is to watch closely with judgement held at bay so that I can learn to avoid rather than scoff at the mistakes of others.
So I have a friend...
Who did something quite extraordinarily terrible years and years (and years) ago. Something so terrible that you'd be hard-pressed to find someone inside or outside of Christianity who could come up with a reasonable excuse for her behavior. It was a calculated and well-thought out kind of wrong. It was a knowing exactly what you're doing and doing it anyway kind of wrong. A purposefully hurting other people to get your way kind of wrong. A wrong whose hurt started with a handful and spread to all the people who love those people and hurt them by association.
And still; years and years (and years) later, she claims a hint of responsibility with always the disclaimer..."but the thing is..." As though that makes the wrong less wrong or maybe even a little bit right. In reality, when you're the one with a hole in your heart it hurts the same regardless of the explanation. You just want someone to pull the knife out.
So we hear that yes, she was wrong, but it's too late now to go back and change it. Yes, she was wrong but so was someone else and they maybe had it coming (or at least that's the implication.) Yes she was wrong but it's turned out right in the end and her actions have ultimately resulted in a good outcome in some ways.
I had the unusual opportunity for a short conversation with one of that original handful of people who were on the front lines of this offense years and years (and years) ago. She still cried when she talked about it. She apologized for talking about it and then couldn't stop. The Mr. and I wondered what she wanted or needed now so long after the fact, when it's quite obvious that the pain cannot be reversed and the time lost cannot be recaptured. What could we offer in the way of comfort?
I took my position of watching with judgement held at bay to find my lesson. Not easy for me as judgement comes quite easily in this situation. The lessons I walked away with are these; sometimes are wrongs are so large we cannot make them right. And this inability to fix what we've done makes us run away or try to minimize the damage with our rationalizations. When we do this, we are wrong a thousand times instead of once. How very stupid.
Secondly, God has set life and death before us. The choice of life in the pursuit of holiness saves us from ourselves but also saves others from us and the great damage we can do.
Let me live with the wisdom and purity of heart to do no intentional wrong. But when I do, let me do wrong only once and never for years and years (and years.)
Small grace: My first ripened grape tomato.
This is going to be one of those "I have a friend who..." posts for the sake of privacy. One of the greatest lessons I've learned in life is to watch closely with judgement held at bay so that I can learn to avoid rather than scoff at the mistakes of others.
So I have a friend...
Who did something quite extraordinarily terrible years and years (and years) ago. Something so terrible that you'd be hard-pressed to find someone inside or outside of Christianity who could come up with a reasonable excuse for her behavior. It was a calculated and well-thought out kind of wrong. It was a knowing exactly what you're doing and doing it anyway kind of wrong. A purposefully hurting other people to get your way kind of wrong. A wrong whose hurt started with a handful and spread to all the people who love those people and hurt them by association.
And still; years and years (and years) later, she claims a hint of responsibility with always the disclaimer..."but the thing is..." As though that makes the wrong less wrong or maybe even a little bit right. In reality, when you're the one with a hole in your heart it hurts the same regardless of the explanation. You just want someone to pull the knife out.
So we hear that yes, she was wrong, but it's too late now to go back and change it. Yes, she was wrong but so was someone else and they maybe had it coming (or at least that's the implication.) Yes she was wrong but it's turned out right in the end and her actions have ultimately resulted in a good outcome in some ways.
I had the unusual opportunity for a short conversation with one of that original handful of people who were on the front lines of this offense years and years (and years) ago. She still cried when she talked about it. She apologized for talking about it and then couldn't stop. The Mr. and I wondered what she wanted or needed now so long after the fact, when it's quite obvious that the pain cannot be reversed and the time lost cannot be recaptured. What could we offer in the way of comfort?
I took my position of watching with judgement held at bay to find my lesson. Not easy for me as judgement comes quite easily in this situation. The lessons I walked away with are these; sometimes are wrongs are so large we cannot make them right. And this inability to fix what we've done makes us run away or try to minimize the damage with our rationalizations. When we do this, we are wrong a thousand times instead of once. How very stupid.
Secondly, God has set life and death before us. The choice of life in the pursuit of holiness saves us from ourselves but also saves others from us and the great damage we can do.
Let me live with the wisdom and purity of heart to do no intentional wrong. But when I do, let me do wrong only once and never for years and years (and years.)
Small grace: My first ripened grape tomato.
5 comments:
Bless your heart ... I needed to read this tonight. Thank you.
We can and do SO much damage to one another. it is awful to think of...scars that live forever...pain that runs so deep....HOWEVER...there is Christ. There is a way to live and a place to live from that is NOT pain based...it is NOT from our scars and damage, inflicted or received...it is Christ. We CAN live from Christ. Live from Christ, my sister
...and this is another of the reasons i have missed you, sensei.
you are sooooo wise!
You may never actually read this comment because it is so late in coming...but I once wronged someone - I'm not sure if it was intentional - although I knew at the time that if and when the truth ever came out - others would be hurt. Years and years (and years) later when the truth did come out and someone asked me why....I found myself fumbling for an excuse. A way to explain away my behavior. There are reasons...but none of them good enough or at all able to cover up the wrong. Good thing we have Grace...His Amazing Grace....that covers a mulitude of sin.
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