Monday, July 12, 2010

Dean's Folks

After three weeks in Wyandotte Hospital Dean's dad, Ben, was declined for admission to the nursing home. It's a complicated mix of some of his dad's specific issues making him not a good candidate and the fact that part of his need for extended care was a result of his mom's disabilities. In other words, his current condition would not require a nursing home if his spouse could provide adequate care. Since his parents do not living in assisted living presently, the social worker at the hospital was able to get him short term placement in another facility giving his mom time to arrange assisted living. A week ago Thursday he was accepted to another nursing home for short-term care. This was the Thursday afternoon before we were leaving on Friday for Up North.I was not entirely comfortable with the facility that finally accepted him. There is a reason that only this place had an opening for Ben. It's like the old Groucho Marx quote, "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member."Dean's mom, however, felt it was worth giving it a try so we left on Friday morning for Up North and on that afternoon Ben was transferred. Unfortunately, a few days into his stay my fears were confirmed so Dean's sister Kelly (having arrived from Alabama for a week) and his mom had Ben discharged home. Kelly left Saturday morning for Alabama and Dean spent the night there to keep an eye on things. I do agree with the assessment that it is too early for a nursing home and that Ben can remain at home with proper care. Three weeks of excellent nursing care did him a world of good at the hospital and his condition improved considerably from admission to leaving Wyandotte. It's maintaining that level of care while making adjustments for a steady decline that present a challenge. Dean's mom is disabled with legal blindness, obesity, diabetes and needs a walker to ambulate. Even with a walker she can only make it a few feet and requires a wheel chair for longer distances. Having been completely dependent on Ben, Marty (mother-in-law) has never done any work to deal with her disabilities or to prevent her own condition from deteriorating. This leaves her with greater handicaps, poor coping mechanisms and a deep sense of denial about their situation. Because Ben is doing "well" at the moment, she almost seems to think that the momentary crisis has passed and they are back to "normal." Which results in less than adequate care which will result get the idea.
The Mr. has his work cut out for him and is pushing them toward assisted living despite his mom's reluctance. Although this won't fix everything, it will provide a good deal of support that will hopefully tip things in the right direction. So there you have the update! What will come next is anyone's guess.

These aren't Dean's parents, but aren't they cute?


Amrita said...

Sorry to read about all these challenges your family has to face.

In America there are so many facilities and good care available.Here things are so much more difficult.

Deb said...

Praying for you all!