Going on vacation!

See you next week!

Reduce Me To Love

My home is usually in presentable order. I wouldn't be embarrassed, most days, to get an unexpected visitor. If there is one thing that I insist upon, it is that I awaken to a house that is tidy. It feels, to me, like a set-up for a good day. On the other hand, waking up to a messy house, dirty dishes in the sink, dust on the end tables; is not a good start. It sets me off wrong and I usually don't succeed in getting my mood in good order as efficiently as I set my house in order.

I take this as my own responsibility because it is something only I really care about. So every evening I make the rounds before bed cleaning up and leaving the kitchen ready, including coffee pot at the go, for the morning. Dean (finally!) understands that this is important to me so for the most part, he makes sure the kitchen is clean before bed if he and daboyz are still up and eating after I go to sleep.

The only problem remaining on most days is that daboyz will regularly snack and leave their mess behind. The total time of morning clean-up rarely exceeds five minutes but it just infuriates me! One pop can on the coffee table, no big deal? Yes it is a big deal. The other morning I awoke to Jay's nacho pan in the sink with dried cheese cemented to it, his dinner plate and two drinking glasses. Pop can on the counter. The mess was cleared before my coffee was done brewing but boy oh boy; did it set the tone of my day.

I know that many women would quietly clean the mess and consider themselves blessed that their kids are at home making a mess and not out there somewhere doing much more destructive things than letting cheese dry on a cookie sheet. It isn't that I don't feel that gratitude for good kids who give me few problems. It's just that this is important to me. Period.

I haven't been a regular viewer of Jon, Kate and the eight. Of course, like the rest of America I am now pulled into their lives with the sad announcement of their divorce and like someone gawking at a traffic accident, I tend to stop on TLC when I'm channel surfing to see if they are on. I've made a few observations. Kate is gorgeous. Here's what I've also noticed. There is a relationship that settles between men and women that starts as compromise, becomes survival and finishes as destruction.

Men can act like they are one of the children. The tone for the quality of life is set by the wife and this is because the standard is much higher than dad would set. She does as much as she can to keep the family on the track she has chosen believing that without her influence they will not fare as well. Dad then decides that his wife is a B- and becomes even more passive-aggressive about her pushiness by becoming more child-like. Only this child, she cannot really control. She finds a method to discipline him that is often public humiliation and sarcasm not to mention the private communication that loses all semblance of respect and partnership. So he acts even less responsible so that he can exert punishment on her.

Childish men. Domineering women. I doubt any of us embraced this model in our vows but I see it in the real world almost constantly. I see it in Jon & Kate. I've seen it in my own home.

We've learned to iron out those destructive habits. Then there are mornings when the house that I left in good order at bed time is in need of a pick-up when I awaken. Yes, the example above was the responsibility of the kids. Then again, Dean was up with them after I went to sleep and didn't tell them to clean up after themselves.

So this morning as I cleaned up, my morning turned from pleasant to nasty. The domineering woman rising up to chastise the irresponsible men.

At the end of it all, I think we are quite a sorry lot. The ones who live for themselves by not trying hard enough and the ones who live for themselves by being martyrs. What a bunch of brats we are. How does God not turn his face away?

The dirty nacho pan has already been washed and the kitchen is clean. The daily toothpaste flecks have been windexed from the bathroom mirror and the bed is made. My house is in order.

We women who set ourselves forth to create and maintain a beautiful quality of life do so out of love and then somewhere, we start to do so out of control with a lot of pride in the mix. I don't know how to define the motivation of the men who fight so hard to remain in control by living without control of themselves. I always felt it as a statement against all that I was good at, a mockery of the things that I put my heart into. A way to really hurt me that could be hurled back at me when I called it out. Plausible deniability of intent.

It has taken over twenty years for us to learn not to be these people although the shadows of those bickering children still hover in the background. Human nature requires that blame be placed, that one person be held accountable. I know this is not truth. Love covers a multitude of sins. We must be daily aware that sin means offense. The offensive tone I have used against him. The lack of seriousness about our lives that offended me. So many daily offenses without enough love to restore balance.

I could never make Dean love the "right" way. I tried with all of my might only to arrive exhausted at the conclusion that I had to love in response to Christ. Despite the mornings of messy family rooms, love has procreated and covered a multitude of offenses.

Finally I have learned that if I read bedtime stories, make wholesome meals and keep a beautiful home but do so without love...I have accomplished nothing.

Doing all as an act of worship is the only method by which my hands can accomplish love.

Back

to work tomorrow morning! Everybody is asking me if I'm dreading going back and the answer is...no. A week ago I would've said otherwise but I realize now that I was still feeling badly. Friday I started really feeling markedly better and now I am grateful and ready to resume normal life. After going through surgery and waiting for a diagnosis, I certainly will not be unhappy to be declared healthy and able to go back to work.
So hi ho, hi ho it's back to work I go!
Praise God!

June 28, 2009

Deuteronomy 4:40 Keep his decrees and commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the LORD your God gives you for all time.

1. He says he hates to put up a privacy fence because it would block out our neighbors.
2. I say I wish I could put a roof over the yard while we're at it.
3. He says white lava rocks look great.
4. I say only if it's 1974 and you're my grandpa.
5. He says let's gut the kitchen in the basement and we'll redo it someday.
6. I say past is prologue, step away from the sledge hammer.
7. He says let's listen to the new songs we're learning at church.
8. I say every song we learn sounds like every other song we've ever learned and besides, I'm staying home to watch HGTV
9. He says, "You never cared about money or nice houses so you've always been content, even before we moved."
10. I say, "Content?"
11. He says, "You were happy!"
12. I say nothing.
13. He says, "Well, you're happy now. Right?"
14. I saynothing. Keep him guessing.

Friday Book Review

My last library visit was a bit of a bust. I thought I was all set with a stack of books to read after my surgery but I chose two stinkers; The Stones of Summer by Dow Mossman and Ten Days In The Hills by Jane Smiley. Suffice it to say, I'd leave those on the shelves. I didn't even finish three chapters of either of them. Also didn't finish listening to Crazy In Alabama on CD but that's because I haven't been driving to and from work which is my listening time. I'm returning it unfinished because I've lost steam, although I was enjoying it, and also because I don't want to confuse myself by having multiple sets of books out with different due dates. I'm easily confused.

So I have finished only five books since my last review which I think was two weeks ago. One of them was a little paperback silly book someone at work bought for me about aging. Which might have been enjoyable had not it been written from the perspective of a baby boomer, which I am not. I don't mind owning my age but I'd prefer not to own an entire generation! Maybe it's time to increase the Olay?

Book number one; The Men And The Girls by Trollope. I think I had started this one before my surgery. It was a mediocre read. Enough to keep me engaged but not enough for me to put on the favorites lists. Lots of angst, moments lost, love forsaken, etc. This Heavy Silence by Nicole Mazzarella. Oy, what a downer this was! In the fashion of few books, the main character, Dottie, is not likeable at the start or the finish! Dottie is working her deceased father's farm, the deed of which is held by her uncle. The uncle is a crook who keeps extending the lease with no end in sight. Dottie's best friend dies and as a result she becomes the guardian of the friend's 7 year old daughter, Mattie. So you are hoping and assuming that the presence of this little girl will soften Dottie's heart and give her a new perspective? Nope. She cashes in the kid's inheritance to buy out the uncle and get the deed to the farm. She works the kid like a field hand and refuses to give her over to family who want to raise her as their daughter because she needs the inheritance. She loses the love of her life at twenty when she refuses to marry him believing he will always be there and she is focused on the farm. He returns from Vietnam married to someone else, much to her surprise. She assumes that she has remained his true love throughout the intervening years until twenty years later when her friend dies. The friend also happened to be the sister of this man. She realizes that he loves his wife, is living the life he wanted and that they would make good parents to Mattie who is also his niece. Well, she doesn't care. She needs the money, she needs an extra pair of hands on the farm and the fact that he married someone else doesn't make her especially charitable. Walter (the lost love) and Charlotte (his wife) make due with buying Mattie the pretty dresses she misses from her former life and try to love her from a distance while not estranging Dottie who would then shut the door to the little girl. Dottie's field hand, Stanley, loves her but she can't be bothered and eventually when he sees her treatment of the little girl even he can no longer remain with her.

In the end, Dottie realizes she has nothing human in her life because she has given her all, including the people who loved her, to the farm. She sells off one small parcel at a time sending the money to the now adult Mattie who has moved far away to live her life. Mattie accepts the money, after all it is really her inheritance. But there is no one left in the farm house with Dottie. On a philosophical note, I think there are many of us who hold an ideal for years and years that requires us to feed what is good and true to the very thing that is feeding on us. There's a lesson in there.

The Kingsley House by Arliss Ryan was fabulous and you must read it. It arises from the true story of the Kingsley family, the author being a descendant of Nathan Kingsley who built the house in the title. The book is a work of fiction constructed around the history and stories of the family filled in with details that no one could really know 200 years later. The house was built in what is now Livonia, Michigan by Nathan and Mary who are early settlers. Their lives are chronicled as are the lives of their children and grandchildren to five generations. I loved this book. Romance, slavery, loyalty, shame...it's all there without high drama. It just seems the way a family's history would read if one were sitting in their living room through a few hundred years. Because it is based on the lives of a local family, it was especially interesting in that the landmarks and towns of the area are familiar. A really cool bonus? The house itself was moved from its foundations in the seventies and placed into a small historical area in Livonia called Greenmeade. And I am so going there this summer! Read this book, right now.

All That Lives by Melissa Sanders-Self is a novel based on the Tennessee Bell Witch legend. You may have seen the movie, "An American Haunting"? Same legend. In the early eighteen hundreds the Bell family is allegedly the victim of a "being" that torments their entire household. The various retellings all include the testimony that these events were witnessed by an entire community. If you were to google "Bell Witch" you'd find a ton of hits as it is a well known story. I really liked this book. It is a novel but it is, like The Kingsley House, a novel that finds its roots in truth. I don't mean truth in that I believe in the Bell Witch but truth in that something happened. Family stories, legends, lore; it's all stuff I enjoy. The question is, would it suit everyone's taste? The answer is no. The book details events that could be defined in the realms of evil or demonic. In fact, at one point I put it aside and stopped reading it because I know that this kind of subject matter can ultimately disturb me. However, I went back to it for lack of reading materials and in the end it caused me no discomfort or lost sleep. I took the book in as a commentary on pioneer history and story telling. Believe it or not, the "being" has some truly redeeming qualities which are fascinating. As a Christian, I am naturally drawn to examining the Bell Witch because it is based in a well-known story from the South. So I found myself wondering, is this God? is it evil? What happened?

The book, like the many stories of the Bell Witch, doesn't answer these questions. What I did appreciate is that in this particular version, the "being" is called neither God nor satan but the stronger theme is that all is God's, through God and at his will and control. So tread lightly on this book and take a pass if you are especially sensitive to things in the spiritual realm. This being the case I am not going to officially recommend the book. I'll leave that decision to you. And you can always google if you're slightly curious.

On the nightstand: Breakfast At Tiffany's, Lord of the Flies, When Madeline Was Young (current read), The Dive From Clausen's Pier, The Maytrees, Off Season, The Bay At Midnight. On CD, The Keep

That's the double Friday book review since I missed the 19th. Have a great weekend!

Journal Of A Woman Who Does Nothing

Good steamy Thursday to you. Had plans to sit outside with my coffee which I quickly reconsidered. Oy. I'm going to have to get up before sunrise to sit outside without sweating. I peeked outside and saw 6 squirrels, a couple of chipmunks, a rabbit and a flock of birds. It's a zoo out there! Donny is working on his tracking techniques, he crouches down and sneaks up very slowly and quietly...with a tennis ball in his mouth. He has also taken to putting his tennis balls into the pond in between fetching, makes a juicy little cool-down I guess. And nice & smelly too.
We might get some rain this afternoon which would be nice. It would save me watering the gardens and probably cool things down a bit. The factory gets increasingly hot daily so the Mr. is happy to have a few degrees knocked off the thermometer. He's off tomorrow with the new 4/10 schedule. I might actually venture out for lunch tomorrow. I'm not so much home bound because I'm not well at this point, it's just that there is no where else I would like to be. I am going to the library today but that's a necessity, I'm out of books.
Enjoy your day & if you're at the library, look for me!

Swamps, Possums & We Aren't Even In Louisianna

Wow, I slept until 10:00 this morning! I NEVER sleep that late, and I'm not all that glad I did today either. I took Benadryl last night at around midnight and it always knocks me out so I am not surprised. I just don't like feeling like my day is half over before it starts. Then again, it isn't like I have lots of stuff on my to do list anyway. I stepped outside for a moment or two and it's too warm even for me out there. I might venture out to read on the hammock later on. My swamp flower bloomed with a big yellow flower and it is so beautiful! As you know, Donny makes it his business to rescue the plants out of our pond when he isn't digging for clams. He doesn't chew them up but he does pull them out and carry them to the far corner of the yard and leaves them there. This year he pulled the water mint out but I found it pretty quickly so it survived. This flower thing was purchased with the thought that it was a fairly substantial plant so he might leave it alone, which he has! And it's really taking off, I'm so happy with it. It's so tall I can see it from my family room window over the top of the truck!
My flower seeds aren't sprouting which doesn't shock me given the fact that I planted them so late and I noticed as I sat on the deck the other day that Donny seems to enjoy stretching out on the dirt for a little nap. A dirt nap I suppose. Sigh. I think a few of my sunflowers are peeking through so I'll enjoy what I can. At least I'll have that crab leg bush next year.
My veggie garden looks fabulous. I think the lettuce is ready to be picked and saladed already. Lots of green baby tomatoes too. No berries on the raspberry bush but I think sometimes they do not produce fruit the first year anyway. Not sure when crab legs bloom.
Finally, do you remember that possum whose guts I hated? Well, he crawled behind our front yard hedge and croaked. The Mr. discovered this when he got home last night in the 90+ degree heat and smelled something stinky. And by stinky, I mean S-T-I-N-K-Y. So he and Mac went out and did a CSI body retrieval. Shew! Of course, I was treated to a blow by blow maggot and fly update by Mac. Oy-vey.
Since it's now after 11:00 and I haven't showered, I suppose Ill get moving and maybe today I'll even blow dry my hair. No promises.
Have a great second half of the day!