Preempted

The other day a sweet sister sent me an e mail asking if the marital problems the Mr. and I suffered were at all connected to pornography.
The answer was no. I don’t think so. I guess I never asked. I’m not going to ask.
When God healed our marriage fourteen years ago it was instantaneous with one condition, that we did the work to receive and protect the redemption offered. One of my specific decisions in this was that I would offer the Mr. preemptive grace. I wasn’t being gracious, it was my only option.
This preemptive grace is the grace that saved my life.
Back to this issue of pornography and whether or not the Mr. struggled with it. As I said, I won’t ask about it. Because preemptive grace means that I give up my right to dig up the bones he tried to bury. I won’t spy on him to find out what he might be hiding or pick the scabs from wounds just starting to heal. I’ll leave the work of his redemption to Christ.
Think about it. Dean can’t prove that he never used porn. Can’t prove he was never unfaithful or snorted cocaine or stopped at a bar when I thought he was working overtime. All we can do is fight about it if he denies it. Or he might come clean on my insistence and admit to something that I thought I was mature enough to forgive, until I have to really do so.
I don’t want another wall between us so I won’t go looking for bricks to collect. I’ll forgive what I know and what might have been that I don’t know.
Christ died for me not only while I was yet a sinner but before my birth. We call it redemption in that we were redeemed from the death we had purchased for ourselves. But it was preemptive as well. Forgiveness offered knowing that I would fall and need grace to catch me.
I know that the Mr. fell a lot back then. I know he stumbles now and will in the future. I have made up my mind to forgive the offenses the same way I was forgiven. Before they happen. Without any proof.
I’m no saint. I’m a sinner redeemed by preemptive grace.
And just like this marriage; it works.

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.