Good-bye?

I'm seriously considering going computer-free. I know that in 2010, you can't really be 100% computer-free (at least not have a job and do so.) And I wouldn't want to lose all contact with my friends and sisters who are connected by internet only. So not computer-free, but let's say, computer minimal.

I want to be a computer minimalist.
This consideration has a few different origins. One is that the right cushion of our couch in the family room is permanently smooshed from all of us sitting there using the laptop, including myself right now. Another is that I am becoming aware of the first signs of carpal tunnel. And there's the time, time, time I spend unnecessarily online. It's a bit of a pacifier sometimes, I am embarrassed to tell you.

And there's another thing. Is this politically incorrect? Probably. There is the intrusive nature of the internet. I know, it's nasty sounding of me. But we all know I'm anti-social, right? I feel like I am in a fishbowl. Someone at work said to me the other day, having tried to reach me and failing, that I should NEVER be unreachable what with e mail, blackberry, personal cell, home phone, voice mail, facebook. That terrifies me. And kind of makes me angry. I told this individual that I am unreachable when I choose to be. The problem is that with all of the aforementioned, now other people can take it personally whereas in the good old days we had the option of assuming that someone just wasn't home or at their desk. I am 43 years too old for an umbilical cord.

Facebook pushed me over the edge. It seemed lovely really, reconnect with people you don't often see. Enjoy pictures of their families and their homes. Let's just call it what it is, I want the right to voyeurism but don't want anyone else to have that right. Have you ever gotten a friend request and thought A. who the heck is this person? and then you look through their friends to try to find the common thread. Church? Work? Family? High school? or B. great, there is a reason we lost touch and now they found me! It's insulting to decline/ignore a friend request. I know this, having felt the sting.

It's wonderful in so many ways, that's why this is a decision I am struggling with. I so love checking in and seeing what's up with friends I attended Sunday School with but never see. I treasure the connection to family who live far away or even those who live near but our busy lives interfere with lots of personal contact. And those of you who are my online friends? I honestly fear and dread pulling back and losing you.

And yet, anti-social Sara doesn't want her worlds colliding. People at work want to "friend" me and now it's accept or insult. But there are perfectly lovely people at work who I wouldn't choose to invite into my daily life. And I don't like the guardedness I feel when sharing my heart because there are windows into my life now.

Summertime is here and I am ready for flower planting and reading in a hammock and growing my own salad. Maybe it's a good time to figure this out. And so, my online friends (who have become some of the dearest people in my life); will you still be my friend if we use snail mail? Because I still need you. But I need...

I need a life I can hold in my hands and save for my grandchildren.