Mrs. Refocus

Are you a relaxer or a refocuser?

The Mr. is a relaxer. After a long day he has visions of a DVD and ordering in. Or going out if there's just enough energy left for a restaurant. Vacations for him stretch into late nights watching television or playing games with dayboyz and sleeping in a little later each day. He's a sound sleeper and this can include putting his head back on the couch and cat-napping.

I, on the other hand, am a refocuser. After a long day I need to regain my equilibrium with order, switching gears and moving my mind from point A to point B. I certainly have nights when I'm too tired to make dinner, but the order-ins or restaurants are always a little dissatisfying to me. I'd take a bologna sandwich and tomato soup over pizza any day. Vacations don't affect my schedule and I'm awake no later than 7:00 a.m. In fact, I'm often up before 6:00 on days off. Why waste time sleeping? To recharge my batteries I cook meals that are too time-consuming for work nights, bake a little something, clean the house, change the sheets. I work outside after enjoying my coffee on the back porch just breathing in the freedom. Cat-napping? Ha! I'm doing well to sleep at night. But this isn't a matter of a Type A personality running wild, this is how I recharge. Closing the door on work for me, requires opening the door on home. I love my home, my private life and my down time. So it's nurturing the best part of my heart to make a pot of soup and loaf of bread. It's the "Ahh, this is why I go to work. To have this."

Neither the relaxer nor the refocuser are wrong. And both of us need the other one to impart balance. Mr. Relax would use every moment not on the clock for Ford Motor for fun. The house has never gotten messy enough to compel him to use time off for housework. Vacation day to paint the living room? Unheard of! Still after all these years, I have the twinge of frustration that I, Mrs. Refocus, have to mention the shrubs need trimming or the garage needs cleaning out. My theory is, should I not shoot my refocus beams directly into his relaxed eyeballs; the house would fall down around his happily snoozing body.

Then again, Mrs. Refocus doesn't know when it's time to just relax. Always another item on the list, always something that could be done better or reorganized or spruced up. NEVER time to go to the movies! We have to do____________ and there is always___________to do. Unfortunately, like Mr. Relax would let the house fall down, Mrs. Refocus has her own kryptonite. I refocus myself right into oblivion and the end result is I become Mrs. Refocus-Resentment. I'm the only one running this joint! It must be nice to sleep on the couch never noticing how the toilet gets clean! Mrs. Refocus-Resentment has a little OCD problem. Mr. Relax has no such problem. He has IDNS. I didn't notice syndrome. As in, I didn't notice that I have accumulated 50 pairs of shoes in front of the back door. This is a risk factor for another terrible condition, WDYJSS. Why didn't you just say something? This causes a very annoying look of innocence and confusion as to why Mrs. RR. has awakened him with her shrieking.

It's not a new situation, the Relaxer vs. the Refocuser. Martha and Mary had the same issue.

Luke 10:38-42 (New International Version)
At the Home of Martha and Mary 38As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

"Only one thing is needed..."

I don't think Jesus was belittling Martha. He knew she was a refocuser. And I know he understood that all of her work was for him, in honor of him, it was doing the right thing. Where she went wrong was when the Lord finally arrived, she couldn't stop.

We all need to be purposeful in our lives, balancing the nature of our minds with what is needed. The Relaxer sometimes needs to focus or he will while away his life. The Refocuser needs to relax or she will work hers away.

The Mr. must find the self-discipline to take pleasure in doing what is need. And I must find the wisdom to do the same.

So, how about you? Refocus or relax?