Here I am, checking my FASFA status, requesting transcripts and putting in applications. Here I am because the time has come to once again go back to school. I often wonder if the Lord will ever be quite done squeezing my square self through round holes. When I graduated from nursing school in 2004 with an associates degree I was pretty satisfied with my accomplishment and oh so happy to be a registered nurse. Got my first nursing job in the specialty field I had hoped for and on day shift to boot! Two years in my boss asked me to apply for the position of clinical coordinator (sort of a super charge nurse), and I got the job. Specialty field, day shift, no weekends! Arrived at my goal weight after four years on Weight Watchers with a great job.
Two years later I was recruited for a new position, nurse manager. Same health care organization at a different facility. Managers have at least a bachelor's if not a master's degree. Long shot, impossible, why not give it a try...just for kicks? Well, I got the job. Associates degree and four years total experience I was now running a speciality unit. And frankly, a little less in love with my job. But I couldn't pass up the opportunity and I know it was a blessing from God. Square self, round hole once again.
This new phase of life brought greater stress and new responsibilities as well as a kick in the pants that I really had to get my bachelor's degree. Of course, the best laid plans are often the most difficult. I gained weight with the combination of new stress, desk job, perimenopause and oh did I mention the Mr.'s parents moved here from Alabama needing our care?
Large square self, small round hole.
And I really must go back to school. My career has found its deadend without it and I am in jeopardy of my position should someone start insisting on enforcing the bachelor's/master's degree requirement. Not to mention I make less money than other people doing the exact same work. After a year of chasing my tail...this program or that? This school or that one? I have a new boss who has helped me reach the best decision and used her authority to gently insist I get moving on it. Bachelor's degree of nursing program. University of Detroit Mercy. Roughly 3 years if I take 2-3 classes per semester. The money? Well, God will provide it if it's his will. And sure enough, it's starting to look as if he will be doing just that.
So I transferred my nursing degree from good old Henry Ford Community College to U-D Mercy and applied for FASFA so that I could then apply for scholarships. And as silly as my 33 year old self thought it was to go back to school, my 44 year old self is downright cranky! Oh, I like school and I actually get a lift out of the idea. I feel re energized and yes, even a little proud of myself for diving back in. But seriously, seriously, seriously; when am I gonna be done with trying to figure out the next phase of my life? Can I ever just be where I need to be and be done with it? Apparently not! I'm not only going back to college but I'm going back to college 50 pounds overweight. Which brings me to the next point, I have got to lose weight. Gonna check WW online because getting to meetings just isn't working with my life at the moment. I told myself at 33 that I was on a mission to accomplish certain things by my 40th birthday. I guess we are on the 50th birthday mission plan now.
Once I start the RN BSN (Registered Nurse Bachelor's in the Science of Nursing) program, I must complete it within 6 years. Well look at that, I will absolutely have to be done by my 50th birthday. I'm almost afraid to ask what the 60th birthday goal is. I could venture a guess, master's degree? Does that round hole seem smaller to anyone else than it did a few minutes ago?
I was talking to God about it all and not that I mind going to classes but I just want to be done! You see, I thought that the point was the degree itself. Now it seems I may be in a different school altogether. In the flesh I am going for an advanced nursing degree but in the spirit I think God is doing a different kind of education. Learn to live in the process, to enjoy the moment, to embrace the day. Stop looking for the finish line. Oh how I want to see the finish line! But I will submit to the season and the lesson at hand. Take this class now. No pressure about completion. Do this now. Let the next thing come next.
Let the tension go and live in this day that the Lord has made.
And let the square peg rejoice and be glad in her round hole.