Sunday, August 28, 2011
Through a window pane darkly~
I've always been an early to bed early to rise person. That's one of the reasons I loved my last job, my hours were 6:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Up at 5 and in bed by 8 p.m. and that worked just fine for me. If you've been around here a while you are familiar with my crawling into bed with a book habit and I don't even require the sun to have set to decide it's time to end my day!
Well lately I've been under quite a lot of stress at work (the most in my work life thus far) and feeling like I'm burning the candle at both ends. Naturally, knowing God has my life in his hands I've countered the weariness with prayer. Praying for restful sleep. Praying for more energy. Praying for more insight to do my job better. Praying for patience and peace. All good prayers. But last week God decided to go over my head (ha!) and provide for my needs in a different way. Every night this week I have stayed up until almost 11:00 p.m.! Good grief! Unprecedented! And not awake in bed staring at the ceiling awake, I'm quite familiar with that. No, awake and watching TV or reading or relaxing NOT IN BED awake.
Did you know that was even possible? I didn't. I always though it was if not illegal, immoral! LOL.
After a day or two of this not tired at 8 p.m. business I started to think about the situation. After all, with the increased stress of work I should be more tired earlier, right? Then I realized, with those extra 3 hours an evening I am finding myself less frazzled. This new schedule means when I get in the door at 6:00 p.m., I don't feel like I have an hour and a half to iron clothes for the next day, make dinner, straighten the house and do whatever other stuff needs doing. I can actually sit down for a half hour and unwind and then get up and make dinner. I can iron later in the evening, after I have enjoyed my meal and relaxed a bit.
The Mr. and I are big fans of DVD or DVRed TV series and usually if I make it through a single episode I'm on my way to bed as the credits roll. He's been surprised as I've said, put another one on, and another and let's just finish this disc tonight. In fact, a few times he's gone to bed before me!
I asked God to do a whole list of things to get me through my days and he went and chose a different answer. An answer I'd never thought to have requested because it just isn't who I am. By the way, I'm not more tired in the morning for my later nights. That proves the Holy Spirit is in this.
I'll admit it took me a few nights of laying in bed until after 11 p.m. I finally got up one night and crept through my sleeping house to sit in the family room by the big windows feeling the crisp night breeze and soaking in the secret sights and sounds of my night time back yard. The wind chimes that I often tune out during the noisy day was clear and sweet. Hmm. This is actually kind of nice, this middle of the night. Almost worth being awake for and certainly superior to laying in bed staring at the wall.
Have you ever had to call tech support for your computer? Sometimes in order to fix the problem they will have to take over your computer by remote. As you sit there you'll see your cursor skipping around the screen and clicking here, opening that and minimizing this until everything comes back to your control but now it's fixed and working again. Before the tech guy takes over though he will tell you he's going to do it and sometimes I kind of hesitate to let him. Seems invasive or something. But it's the only way and it works every time.
This 3 hours of evening time reminds me of that. Younger in Christ I would have said I have insomnia from stress, I would have taken something to make me sleep. I would have dragged about day after day more exhausted and more worn out and begging God for sleep. Now, I don't have to make the conscious decision to follow God or even to try to figure out where he is. My spirit has found it's own life, that which is truly me now responds more quickly to the Holy Spirit. Now I am less afraid of change and more apt to wonder, could this be God?
Every evening that I feel the lack of sleepiness I will stay awake. I'll watch another episode of The Closer or I'll sit by my big family room windows and watch the dark corners of my yard as the evening breeze rustles through the leaves. I'll feel less driven to hit the back door running to get everything done because I just learned I will be granted not only energy and strength but time and probably a whole lot of other ways to get through life that I've yet to discover.
When the answer to your problem seems to be in direct opposition to what you know yourself to be; that might be the very moment you will begin to see through the glass a little less darkly.
As for me, the darkness has become light.
1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.