Confession

There is so much of moral decay and shifting principles in American society that it's not difficult to compose of list of that which must grieve the Holy Spirit.  Over the last week of the Christmas season, I was at first offended (yes at God) and then humbled with repentance when my own sin was brought before my eyes.  I come to you sharing this confession as the Bible commands~

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

James 5:16

I have given my mind over into unthankful arrogance. 

I have complained within my spirit and aloud about my job.  I was wrong to have done this, it was sinful and I repent sincerely.  I now understand the truth about my job.  I am either outside of the will of God and need to seek employment elsewhere so that I will find peace and joy in my work; or I am doing God's will and I need to rejoice in the peace of his provision.  I have been like the children of Israel in the wilderness, complaining when God rained food from heaven~

But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes.

Numbers 11:6

Having been put in a position of leadership, I have turned my ear toward people instead of toward God and found myself exhausted in trying to please others.  I have second guessed myself when people complained. 

I have fallen into, perhaps, the most unholy refrain...it's not fair.

Isn't that, after all, what satan said?

It's not fair that I don't have things the way I want them?  Although I live in the very presence of God, I want something different.  I want something that suits me better.  What more repugnant thought is there than the idea of something other than God's presence being better? 

It's not fair that I work hours that I wish to be at home.  It's not fair that I make less money than others whom I feel don't work as hard as I work.  It's not fair that I am held responsible for things that others slip past.  It's not fair that this job interferes with my ideas about what I want my days to be. 

I've only just begun to consider that it is not the stress of my work that has cost me my health this year, it's my management of satan's lies.  I

It's not fair that I work these hours?  Tell that to a soldier.

It's not fair that I make less money than someone else?  Go get an advanced degree, put in ten more years of service and you will have earned it.

It's not fair that I am held responsible when others aren't?  I answer to God, as do others.  He is a righteous judge. 

The 'it's not fairs' are like bile in my mouth upon deeper consideration.  It speaks of entitlement, of pride and arrogance. 

At the moment that Jesus died, the right to complain about my station in life died with him.  Do I erase the gift of grace by demanding my just due?  Oh be careful to do such a thing.  If there is anything I don't want, it's what I deserve.

So I come to you confessing the ugliness of my heart and seeking God's forgiveness.  I ask your forgiveness, also, for the words I have posted here that have expressed self pity and ingratitude when I should have been lifting Christ's name in praise and thankfulness.