The break-up of marriages fascinates me. Does that sound morbid? Several years ago a few of the couples we knew divorced. Now we seem to be seeing the cycle repeat itself. It's not in the dishing the dirt sense this fascinates me, but in the sense that I need to know in general; what goes wrong? Our history precludes me from any form of arrogance regarding my marriage. I don't think anybody is bullet-proof. Actually everybody believes they are going to last forever at some point. So I continually ask, where do we step over the line?
You could read books and articles and watch talk shows around the clock and hear a million theories...communication, trust, sex, finances, expectations, boredom, etc. There are the couples who seem to be falling apart for the entire 60 years they remain married. The ones who are open about their frustration and you see them struggling between staying together and walking away. The ones who look like the couple you wish you were; until you hear that one of them moved out.
There are couples who seem to bicker and tease too much but they can because they know there is a solid foundation underneath it. Other ones are affectionate and sweet but only in public. Some never hold hands and some need to get a room. Some people are ugly (you know you've thought about it!) and happily married and others are beautiful and live in a loveless home. Some couples have everything in common and other couples have nothing in common. What is the secret?
I ask out of my own concern that Dean & I recognize the state of things while there is still time to fix what might be broken. And usually; something is broken. It's just a matter of how large or small the broken thing is.
You don't have to be married to chime in. Everybody has seen great marriage and those that don't make it and you have all asked the questions I'm asking.
Reading Good Housekeeping I am advised to have a scheduled date night, fill a jar with advice for the Mr. to keep me happy, learn a new hobby together, tell each other one positive and one negative thing about the other one, buy pretty lingerie (do my sock monkey shorts count?), make a meal that we eat with our hands, thank him for sex and watch how much other women are drawn to him. All in one issue of the magazine.
Maybe it's because we made such a royal mess of things; Dean & I are very purposeful in our relationship. But I think it's worth talking about in general. Marriages fall apart for one reason at the end of it all; satan attacks us at the core of our being in the attempt to destroy us and all that we touch. How do you beat him?