Sunday, March 15, 2009

Mustard Seeds

This past week of sick leave from work and daily visits to doctors and tests hasn't left me overly concerned. I would like a name for this condition but if it suddenly disappears unnamed, that's fine too. I've had much worse feeling days that did have a name...the flu, sinus infection, bronchitis. And the worst of all...depressed, anxious, hopeless, lost. In the grand scheme of things this has been a minor blip on the wellness radar. That is, of course, speaking from the perspective that it gets better not worse. Yes, my legs still hurt. No, not as badly. As for the unidentified pelvic object (and no, it is not a third ovary as some people have hypothesized); we'll follow up with that over the next month.
Putting aches and pains and medical leaves aside, I have been more interested in the enormity of my blessings. Each evening as I take a long hot shower and feel those aches ease I feel God's favor in the healing spray of water. As I turn back my bed and warm up my blankets I look forward to sliding into clean, fresh smelling sheets where I will read for a little while under the warm glow of my bedside lamp on my pistachio green walls. I pamper myself every night with lotions and smell-goods and choose my wardrobe for sleep; night gown? flannel pajamas? Every little nuance reminds me to take note of the comfort that surrounds me.
These are my thoughts as I drift off to sleep. Goodness and healing. Provision. Abundance. I am not a spiritual giant. I awaken every morning and take a moment to discover if this is the morning when I'll be better; as promised by the doctor. And there is a twinge of disappointment when my legs still hurt. There have been fleeting moments when satan has filled my mind with threats of chronic illness and debilitating diseases. But giants are not what is needed. After all, Goliath fell and Zacchias saw Jesus.
The update for today is that I still have pain but I have stopped taking my medicine and the level is much lower than it was a week ago. As always, life is about gathering mustard seeds against moments of heart ache.
My dad came over with Tim Horton's coffee...mustard seed. Dean happened to be laid off this week so he has been with me watching movies, cooking dinners and keeping me company...mustard seed. There was a robin on my backyard fence and we grilled chicken for dinner and I watched an old Shirley Temple movie and I am wearing a warm old sweatshirt and my legs do feel better and there's a big basket of fruit on my kitchen table and we had dinner with friends and I only got sick from my medicine once and my linen closet is full of fresh towels and linens and Dean bought Fresca at the grocery store and I just had a bagel with peanut butter and my peach tea smells wonderful and I have plates with lemons on them and there's always something fabulous on HGTV and Donny is snoring away in his kennel.
And a thousand other mustard seeds that are much more powerful than any giant.
So instead of worry or frustration, I'll be gathering mustard seeds. From there will grow the faith that we all need every morning. Even if your legs don't hurt.

Mark 4:30-32 And he said, Whereunto shall we liken the kingdom of God? or with what comparison shall we compare it? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown in the earth, is less than all the seeds that be in the earth: But when it is sown, it groweth up, and becometh greater than all herbs, and shooteth out great branches; so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it.


Mrs. Mac said...

You have once again, sara, 'painted' a lovely picture of coziness in you world. All blessings! May the Lord relieve you of your not knowing what is causing your leg pain ... by having you rise tomorrow remembering not from whence it came. I'm happy you are gainfully employed as Dean gets some 'rest'. May the Lord see fit to find him the exact work that your dear hubby was created to do. I hope too he knows how to make something other than pbj's :) Wouldn't it be grand if he was a chef and had scrumptious meals waiting for you after a long hard day at work? Well, a person can hope :) Give Donny a nice little belly scratch for me, OK. Hugs & Love,

Deb said...

I have gleaned much from your post.

You are your mustard seed faith!

Praying for you still!

Constance said...

It's amazing how much stronger we are when we take the focus off of ourselves or our struggles and instead, focus on our blessings. Our Pastor reminded us recently that the best way to get through your own struggle is to reach out to someone else who is hurting. Not so you can comiserate together but rather, to yourself something else to focus on! Sometimes mustard seeds are all we can manage but God is the expert at taking little and turning it into extravagant overabundance!

Margie said...

I'm glad you are feeling better! Gotta figure out what that UPO is... yikes!

Great post... mustard seeds are in abundance, we just have to look for them!

Louise said...

I thank you for this beautiful post my sweet Thara. I have been so busy with other things that I've not even looked at blogs the past week or so and was so surprised to read of your issues. Pain is a problem indeed ... may yours subside quickly and completely! I loveth you.