I went back to work this morning. Off my medication. I had pain this morning despite taking 800 mg of Motrin. Then later in the day when the Motrin had worn off; I was feeling better. Now after being home a few hours and just taken a hot shower; my right calf hurts. Ridiculous.
It was good to be back to work despite having crazy legs and a U.P.O. Although no one loves being home more than me, I want more to be healthy. And even though I'm moving a bit slowly I'm able to do what I need to do. So, thank you Jesus.
I have been thinking about the mustard seeds I wrote about in my last post. About how, they are sown in the soil as something so small it seems almost insignificant but grow into a great tree that shelters all the birds of the air. It makes me think of my own life and how the Kingdom of God only shows through me when I allow the insignificance of who I am to be covered over and unseen so that God can become greater. When I let my own agendas and ideas be buried I become the Kingdom of God in flesh. People can come to me and find shelter. This is who I want to be. I want people to be drawn to me not because of anything I am but because they are drawn to Christ in me. And Christ in me is only expressed one way and that is in love. Love spoken in mercy, grace, service, kindness, smiles, forgiveness. All the ways that Christ loves are all the branches that I need to bring into the world. Under these limbs the hurting and lost and unsure and feeble can find soft light and gentle breezes. In the shadow I cast I want comfort to fall over those around me.
It sounds so simple and yet I know I have so far to go. I keep burying the mustard seeds of my flesh but before they can take root I tend to dig them up. I want to hold them in my fist, maybe it's because I know when the mustard tree finally grows up from the seeds I bury it will no longer be me that is seen. It will be the Kingdom Of God. I know, though, that all the seeds in my hand will only die without purpose if I do not cover them over. Hidden in the darkness of the earth life is finally able to take root and push through to daylight.
Like Christ, hidden in darkness for three days, to come out with eternity shining from his fingertips. Or perhaps, with mustard seeds in his hands. Just waiting to be planted.