Friday, February 05, 2010

The Long Night

Hello friends, it's been a longish few days around here. On Wednesday evening my father-in-law reported that he had "some blood" in his urine. The Mr. checked to find a pretty large amount of clots. My mother-in-law tells us that the exact same thing happened a few years ago, a urologist was consulted who "couldn't really find anything but gave him some pills and it cleared right up." What cleared up? No idea.
Thursday morning when I left for work I advised the Mr. to take his dad to the doctor. Meanwhile at work I called Wal Mart and got a medication history and lo and behold; he had been taking Proscara (for enlarged prostate) as of last spring. The folks fell into the dreaded Medicare Donut Hole around summertime and most of their medications were stopped due to lack of money at that time. However, neither Dean nor I had ever heard of the urologist consultation or the blood or the medication before now. I called the folk's new doctor here in Michigan and he sent the FIL straight to the emergency department. By this time it was Thursday evening after much back and forth about what to do. You see, the MIL felt that the trick was to get those pills again; whatever they were. That would surely clear it up. I felt that he hadn't seen a urologist in heaven knows how long nor taken the mystery med since July so I was very uncomfortable playing around with the situation. After several hours in the E.R. we got our answer; kidney stone. The FIL was discharged home and is following up this afternoon with the doctor and has orders for lots of clear fluids.
This was another one of a few situations since the Folks have moved here to Michigan when caregiver becomes Care Giver. Dean sees that his parents don't always make the right decisions and is still struggling sometimes with stepping in and taking control. But that is our responsibility now. It's easy enough to stand around saying someone must do something. However, once you become the someone; it goes from just a lovely idea of what is right to a sometimes overwhelming daily burden. Yes, I said burden.
In fact, as the MIL was insisting there was no need to go to the doctor, I was on this side of the Mr. telling him that he has no choice. Their lives are in our hands. And often, they are the ones causing us the greatest difficulty in keeping them safe and healthy!
By 2:00 this morning, Dean was home and had talked himself out enough to fall asleep. Does it sometimes make us wonder if we shouldn't have just left things as they were? Sure. For a moment or two at least. We also look to the future and wonder what in the world will be next and next and next. And what if, what if, what if.
But this time another day is passing and drawing to a close. This morning the Mr. took the Folks to Wal Mart to grocery shop and get out a bit. Now he's with them at the doctor. I hope that they realize, as I do, how extraordinary their son is. After several days with them this week taking them to visit family or run errands and last night's very long and stressful events; he was awake this morning and taking them to Wal Mart. I suggested that he just call and tell them he'd pick up their list and save himself the trouble of dealing with his demented dad and blind mom who cannot walk. Just get the groceries and leave the Folks at home. His response? A weary but sweet smile. No, they like to get out of the apartment and they look forward to grocery shopping day.
That's my guy.
Dear Lord, I ask you today to show yourself in relationships of adult children and their parents. Some have wonderful relationships that have not yet changed into that of caretaker; let them feel the fullness of this time in their lives. Others wish for something more that cannot be demanded and will not be offered; God be all that they are not for one another. And allow that to be enough. Father, bridge disappointment, cover despair, grant wisdom and most of all; let our love for one another be holy and right. Families splinter in so many directions. Teach us to hold tight. Amen.


Mrs. Mac said...

That last part the Mr. said brought a tear to my eye .. very touching!

Pat said...

Beautiful prayer honey. Your both doing a wonderful job. Stay strong.

Jada's Gigi said...

Amen to this prayer! My mom is still pretty strong and healthy...but sometimes I feel her fragility and her dependence....she loves to get out and she loves to chat with me..even though all I want some days when I get home is to be by myself..still...I chat...or drive her somewhere...right now that is all that is required of me...i am blessed...praying I stay kind through it all. God bless your hubby..and caring for your in laws.