Spahhh

I'm having me a mini spa day! Going to the salon where I get my hairs did and my shellac manicure, Sakora, and getting this package CLICK. My sister is going with me. My mom has a situation with her tailbone which prevents partaking in spa activities but she promises to come next time. I have never had a spa day and I'm not sure I'll like it but I'm going to try. I'm not one who enjoys pampering kinds of things but I'm working on learning to change that about myself. I'm doing some introspection to ask God to show me if this is really a matter of pride with me although it seems like it would be the opposite. When I say I don't do spa stuff, people always tell me I should because I'm worth it. I don't really disagree with that. But I'm still uncomfortable with it, with being "waited on." There is something vulnerable and needy in it that sticks in my craw. As Mac used to say, "My do it myself!" I'll do it myself! I'll walk on my broken foot, I'll work with my broken finger, I'll get up and get my own coffee after my surgery last year. It really is pride, take my word for it.
I am choosing a massage, facial and eye brightening treatment as my spa day. Amy will be having a pedicure instead of eye brightening. Her eyes are bright enough as it is. I have not yet matured in my attitude enough to have a pedi. Still doing my own partly because I just can't seem to pay money for it but mostly because I am not comfortable. But still, I'm doing the rest. I've never had a professional facial and only had one massage which I was dragged to kicking and screaming, admitted enjoying it at the time and have never since felt that I needed one bad enough to get another.
I think I might have a secret martyr complex or something. I don't know. I'm not saying everyone should have spa days, they are certainly nothing but extravagance and luxury but this proud person inside of me has entirely too much enjoyed pointing my nose up at such extravagance and being a little proud at never succumbing to it. I am sure this is sounding ridiculous but it makes sense, trust me.
My 2011 unofficial resolution was to take time and effort on myself, to value myself as God does and to see myself as the bride of Christ. To imagine myself an Esther, who cares for herself to prepare herself for her calling. I've done a good job keeping my resolution, although how hard can it be to treat yourself nicely? Well, it can be very hard actually.
I have purchased new scrubs and work shoes because for too long, I've been inwardly proud of not spending the money and wearing scrubs that have become faded and shoes that have become worn out. Stupid.
I have even had a few shellac manicures which for now, I am really enjoying. Maybe not forever, but for now they are a source of pleasure just for me.
And tomorrow, spa day. Work has been pretty demanding lately and as I looked at my puffy dark circled eyes in the mirror and rolled my stiff shoulders I decided quite impulsive to do a little maintenance on the old girl. The old girl being me.
I'm actively working on relaxing into the experience as we speak. The completely inward self-ward focus of it doesn't come naturally but again, I now see some pride in that.
So I'll let you know how it goes or if I go running out the door with the facial goop still on my face, eyes unbrightened and muscles un-massaged. And if I figure out a less crazy way of explaining why this is a step away from pride and toward a healthy approach to myself, I'll update you. For now, take my word for it.
Breathing deeply and going in...

Image: Pedi room at Sakora where Amy will be getting pedi'd tomorrow.