I'll tell you when I'm beautiful.

I go through phases. Moments when I want to try every beauty trick out there-manicures, hair extensions, eye lashes...and moments when I am only interested in the basics-hair color, foundation, eye brow pencil, chapstick. It's only been in the last few years (ah 40, you are so much wiser than 30 or 20!) that I realized I don't have to pigeon-hole myself as either or. I can do it all or none of the above as long as I'm enjoying myself today.

The most wasted of days have been the ones when I spent money on beauty that was for the benefit of other people. New dresses that weren't necessary except to avoid wearing the same one over and over. Blouses that were uncomfortable enough to only get one wearing and then became closeted for years. I think we've all been there.

Some women are in relationships with men who have opinions of what is beautiful, I have no problem with that as long as these ladies feel more beautiful than not. I often lean toward the Mr.'s known preferences...but not always. Because sometimes what he thinks is beautiful doesn't fit inside my skin; and inside my skin is where beautiful lives.

I was in a conversation with some women about aging and how it forces us to redefine ourselves when we look into the mirror. We fear what's around the corner of that next birthday. 40 is ok but 50? I do not look like my younger beautiful self. Fewer and fewer are the comments, "I'd never guess you were_____!" Now when I share my age, people don't seem surprised. Again, I don't have any convictions about the right way to age other than you must understand yourself before you define yourself. I'm not promising anyone that I won't have a breast lift, implants, face lift, lypo or anything else that I decide lends itself to the beautiful me on the inside feeling that I like the me on the outside. For right now, it's weight. I will work on that and then we'll see about the rest. In case you're wondering, I don't ask Dean his opinions on some things. If he finds me less than beautiful for lack of perky breasts, that is understandable but needs to stay inside his head. And ultimately, beautiful is me...not me as seen by someone else.

So on the days I feel beautiful without mascara, that's how you'll see me. On the days I'm in the mood for a manicure...that's what I'll have. I believe that beauty is joy with a face.

Today's joy is what makes me beautiful.