Friday, January 13, 2006

Grown-Up Child

Read me another story. Sing it again. Peek-a-boo. I’m taking lots of strolls down memory lane lately because my kids are suddenly grown. I’m not sure when that happened. I’m looking at old pictures with teary eyes and wondering if I really understood how precious the time was and how blessed I was to be their mom. I do know that they have always been a better teacher than I. I’ve never had to tell them to be kind, it seems to have come naturally. I never had to tell them to give grandma a hug or a grandpa a kiss, they just do. Maybe it’s normal, when your kids grow up, to look back in amazement at the time gone by and what they are becoming.
I have good kids. No, I have great kids. I say that taking no particular credit myself because it is a mystery to me how the Mr. and I pulled it off. All I can attribute this miracle to is that with all our fumbling through life, we kept Jesus at the center of our almost constant storms. It appears that He kept our kids in the eye of the hurricane with Him. Of course, this isn’t all; it’s everything.
I’ll admit that when my boys were little I would grow weary of reading the same stories “one more time.” I’d wish for quiet and extended naps. It just seemed like they needed so much more than I could give. Now Mac will take my small hand in his large one and I’m slammed with the imprint on my heart of his tiny fat hand in mine. I run my hand through Jay’s hair to push it out of his eyes and can feel like yesterday his baby soft head cradled in my hands. I thought they would be snuggled on my lap forever. Forever was not as long as I thought it would be. Lately I’ve been longing for one more cuddle with a little boy drifting to sleep in my arms.
I wonder if that is how God feels about me. Does He look down from heaven and long for my tiny hand in His? When was the last time He rocked me to sleep? When the wind is blowing, is He running His fingers through my hair and remembering my tiny baby form, now all grown up? Does He look at me with joy at how I’m turning out? Does God get lonely for me, like I get lonely for my boys, when I’m too busy with life to give Him a few minutes of time?
I said that my boys are my teachers and they are. When I’m ranting about the latest unimportant issue they always tell me it’s no big deal. They laugh loud and easily and often. I sometimes lay in bed and listen to them talk about important things and then immediately switch to the ridiculous and how easy they are together. I learn that I need to be more at ease with those I love. I need to learn to deal with the important but to switch to the ridiculous before I’m overwhelmed.
I’m learning from my children to be a child. My nostalgia has made me realize that there is a Father with more love for me than even I have for those boys. A Father who has never wished I’d quiet down or go to sleep or grow up and stop needing Him so much. A Father with abundant supply just waiting to extend His hand to me. I have great kids. I have a great Father.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the gift of life and of these children. Remind me that I am the child of the Most High who longs for His child to rest in His embrace. Let my family serve You, love You and glorify You. Keep my kids in Your hands, be the calm in their storms. Write your name on their hearts and teach them to always abide in You. Thank you. Amen.

1 comment:

SunnySusan said...

Hi Sara

This is just the reminder I need. My dd is 8 an is growing up so fast. Of course, I want her to be a perfect little neatnik but alas, not to be yet. Now I will look at her thru different eyes.