Friday, January 05, 2007

The Bonnie Complex

A few years back we attended a different church and with us attended another family with kids roughly the same age as daboyz. Only they had girlz, which they would never, ever call dagirlz.
That’s because that mom and dad were much different than the Mr. and myself.
The mom’s name was Bonnie and she is the kind of woman I think I should be. I always feel loud and unspiritual in Bonnie’s presence. She does nothing to make me feel this way; it’s just the light her presence casts on me.
Bonnie has the sweetest face. Calm and serene at all times. Wears no make up and probably cuts her own natural brown hair. She smiles a gentle small smile and if she laughs; it’s a gentle small laugh. Her clothes are outdated and I don’t recall her wearing jewelry besides her wedding ring and maybe small earrings. Bonnie doesn’t spend money on herself; she has higher financial priorities than I do.
She and her husband had three children biologically and then went on to adopt three more through the foster care system. They are obviously gifted stewards because she has never worked outside their home and yet they have built a large house on some acreage out in the country where Bonnie home schools their children.
I look at Bonnie and wonder just how far off the mark I am from what I could have or should have been. I’m certainly more vain than she by miles.
I keep an every-six-week schedule for hair coloring and cuts and good heavens; I actually posted a blog about how I should cut my hair! I order my mascara from Mary Kay and probably pay roughly twice what drug store mascara costs because I like it best. I wear extended wear lip gloss so it won’t fade away and buy my facial soap from a department store, moisturizer again from Mary Kay. I pluck and then pencil in my eye brows into a superior arch. I indulge myself in new clothes for no good reason whatsoever on a regular basis. I have tennis shoes to match my scrubs and when they get grungy they become bum-around shoes and I buy new ones for work. I have jewelry, albeit costume, to match most of my outfits. I still check the jewelry aisles to see if there’s more out there I want. I have even purchased a necklace and then gone hunting for a sweater to go with.
There’s more to it than just my attention to my appearance, which by the way still doesn’t measure up to Bonnie’s natural beauty. There’s my personality as well. If only Mary Kay could fix that.
I laugh way too loud and usually at something entirely inappropriate. Was recently spotted wearing wax lips at the nurse’s station. I am sarcastic and silly and often stupid. Bonnie would never stoop to my low-brow humor.
I lose my temper and snap at people. I use my gift of communication to cut people down if I get ticked off enough. I roll my eyes. I called my husband “Captain Crack Head” this morning.
I don’t want to give up my multiple luxuries to adopt foster care kids and build them a country home. I don’t want to home school anybody, I wanted my kids to go to school and leave me in peace for a few hours.
The thing is, I want to want to be better. But I’m so far away from it, from being like Bonnie.
Bonnie who stands on tiptoe to whisper in her husband’s ear when it’s time to go. Not Sara who yells across the room, “Hey! I’m outta here!”
I don’t think I’ll ever be a Bonnie. For that matter, I’m quite sure I couldn’t if I tried and doubt seriously I was meant to be.
I do, however, think there is more of Sara to lay on an altar. Maybe God doesn’t want me to spend so much money and attention on my hair. Maybe he doesn’t care. My problem is I don’t ask permission if I don’t want to be told “no.” My suspicion is that God would pull me somewhere to the middle ground of Bonnie vs. Sara if I’d bend myself toward him a little more.
It’s not about Bonnie. It’s not about me. It’s about Christ, him crucified and risen and my submission to him.
So yes, I can learn a lot from Bonnie. I can learn to think twice and discipline myself. I can learn to curb my tongue and soften my rough edges. Most of all I need to learn to check with God that I’m what he wants me to be. And to be that with all my heart, a heart that is completely his.
And a fabulous pair of new shoes in which to walk it out.

Romans 14:12
So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.


Pat said...

Maybe daboyz could marry dagirlz and produce children that would be BonSara's ~ a delightful mix of both of you! If I recall correctly, those girls were very pretty, like their mom.
Each person is gifted differently..Bonnie's ministry is within her home, yours is wearing wax lips at the nurses station...who knows how many that touches. :)

Margie said...

I like the you the way you are. And deep down, she probably wishes she was a little more like you...

tina fabulous said...

i like to think that they are what happened after the von trapps crossed the mountains into switzerland.
she builds her own furniture. who does that?!
shes nice and all but i'm afraid you and i wouldnt be able to continue our friendship under those circumstances. youre my people.

KayMac said...

I am sure Bonnie is wonderful...But I am sure glad God has given me Sara!

(You would never be able to get on tip toe to whisper in Dean's ear...he would probably take off cuz he would think you were after that cookie that he keeps there when he is playing guitar!)

KayMac said...

BTW, I wonder how many women compare themselves to YOU and wish they were more like Sara?!!! I know a few!

Margie said...

I wish i was more like Sara. It sucks being the little sis of sara... sara, sara, sara!!

Deb said...

There's a Bonnie in my life too. Her name is Pami. She has three biological children and two adopted twin girls from China. She homeschools and makes her own furniture and grows her own vegetables and her kids can recite CHAPTERS and BOOKS from the Bible - (all the kids - from the 17 year old to the 6 year old twins). I've often told her that she and her husband are the best parents in the world. And I try to learn from what I see in how they are raising their children.

I buy my lipstick (only one color - same color for the last 15 years) from the Lancome counter at the department store and pay way more for it than the drug store brand --but I like it. I have never in my entire life plucked or waxed my eyebrows (please do not shudder in horror and disbelief).

Anyway...what's that cliche? - "It takes all kinds to make a world." ? God has made you to be you --don't fuss about it. Yes, strive to be more like Him --but not at the expense of trying to be someone other than you.