Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Carpe Diem

It occurs to me that I should already be whatever it is I am supposed to be. Driving to work I was having the regularly scheduled inner dialogue that goes like this...
“I don’t want to go to work. I wish I didn’t have to work. I wish I could do something else today. Going to work gets in the way of the stuff I should be doing. I have no desire to do this for the rest of my life.”
I don’t necessarily want to trade places with Paris Hilton, I just want to do something more; something...meaningful.
Ok, vulnerability alert; I wish I could be in full-time ministry. I wish I could write and counsel and speak and teach for a living. But I’m not in full-time ministry. I’m a nurse. So I have to go to the hospital for several hours a week which gets in the way of my more spiritual endeavors such as studying, praying, writing and teaching.
So I’m telling God about this and He must be getting a little tired of this daily whine fest because He informs me that right now, today, this is the spiritual endeavor that’s scheduled. This is what my day is made of. This is my ministry. Just shut up about the wishes and wannabes and go be a nurse. Today. Live today.
That’s something I need to be told regularly. Live today. Stop trying to crane your neck to figure out what’s coming and live this today. Live it well. Live it spiritually, lovingly, compassionately and sacrificially. Live magnificently; today.
I made myself stop the wishes and wannabes and started giving the day to God and asking Him to fully realize the nurse in me, and help me accept this today in front of me. I am not Sara the teacher, counselor or writer from 7 to 3:30; I”m the nurse.
It felt good. To release the wonder what I coulda and shoulda been thoughts and be the nurse that I am. Did I do my job differently? Work a little harder? Care a little deeper? No. I always work hard to give the best care I can. I’m a Christian; that’s what I should be doing.
So what changed? The inside of my day changed. My heart took a different perspective. I had a good day, worked hard and left feeling completely satisfied with my eight hours doing what God sent me to do.
There is a hidden well of contentment in taking this today. Life flies by. Days that seem to drag run together into years that pass in a blur. There isn’t enough time on this side of heaven to devote many moments to wishes and wannabes. They steal the is and the now of it. Take your day. Take your position in this day. And do it magnificently.
Carpe Diem.

Job 1:10 (New International Version)
10 "... You have blessed the work of his hands..."


Birmingham Girl said...

This indeed (!) is the day the Lord has made. I too will rejoice and be glad in it!
Good blog!

Margie said...

You don't think you are in full time ministry? Well, maybe you don't counsel me everyday (with the exception of your blog) but you do. You are in full time ministry, you are just not paid in dollars on this earth. Your reward, it will come. It's part of the plan. Just be patient.

tina fabulous said...

inspiring per usual. you are the wind beneath my casted wings.