Truly, Madly, Deeply

Relationship with God is becoming huge in my life in ways I didn’t even know I was missing. I am becoming someone hungry to just spend some time with Him, tragedy lists put to the side for the moment. As usual, someone is teaching me this lesson because I remain spiritually dense to the more subtle methodologies.
My teacher on this is the Mr. I have always been moved by the passages that call the church the Bride of Christ in the Scripture. It’s such a beautiful picture and so much more rich than just the shameful sinner begging at the cross. Don’t think I’m underestimating my need of the cross; but I’m saying the relationship goes somewhere after the altar, ya know?
So for me, the lesson of the ongoing relationship is the marriage picture. You can find it through the entire Bible if you look close enough. If you’re not into searching for types and shadows, check out the Song of Solomon. Passion baby, passion.
I want prayers of passion and I’m learning them through earthly conversations with the husband given me for this side of my journey. I’m seeing His passion in our passion, so to speak.
Yesterday was a day of feeling myself as the bride and the Bride. I was just really looking forward to the weekend and thinking about the Mr. all day. At 6:00 in the morning I was already missing him and wishing I could talk to him. That is the passion I want for Christ. Just missing Him and wanting to hear His voice. Wanting time with Him for nothing more or less than the Him of it. Not taking needs to Him to be met, but like my earthly husband; just wanting to be in His presence.
Can I be vulnerable here and admit that I don’t always walk around hungry for God? Moments and hours and sometimes days go by without me really feeling an aching need to just talk to Jesus. I don’t go that long without talking to the Mr. And there is a lesson in it. I want the same awareness, the same passion for my Savior.
Here’s the truth of it; I know that God is there all the time so I can be a little bit lazy. I know He is aware of me and my needs so I can assume He’s watching out for me without my chatting about everything. I know He will never walk away from me, so I don’t feel that I have to work so hard to maintain the intimacy; to pursue the passion.
But then I’m realizing that there is such a thing as a passionless marriage. It is possible to settle for less than the full-blown crazy in love I’m gonna die if I don’t see him relationship that I want with the Mr. It happens that marriages don’t run cold; but can run cool. I don’t want my husband to be able to go days without a conversation or a kiss and not feel it. I don’t want anyone else to fill the places in his life where I belong.
For my part, I am acutely aware of my passionate need for the Mr. This past summer he went up north on UAW business for a few days and I got a real tutorial in this lesson of passion and need. I was miserable; much more so than I expected I’d be. Even the people at work said I was looking rough! I missed him so much I couldn’t stand it. I hung on every syllable when he called in the evenings. I thought of him often, then more often, then constantly. I was downright distracted with the missing of my Mr. He got home around noon on a day I was working and I asked him to come to the hospital so I could see him, I wanted to put my arms around him and just breathe him in. Passion. Irrational inexplicable and unexpected need for this guy I’ve been hooked up with for twenty three years.
To my shame, I do much better when I’m distanced from Christ. I can be entertained and distracted by anything from Italian food to a pedicure to I Love Lucy reruns. I go a lot longer before the need for a touch overtakes me. Nobody notices the distance from Christ by the look on my face. I don’t stop work midday for a drive-by kiss from my Redeemer. Hanging on every syllable? I don’t wait to see if He’s speaking to me most of the time.
I want more passion. I want intimacy. I want to talk to Him, touch Him and breathe Him in. I want to be His bride. I want to know He thinks I’m beautiful. I want to know how beautiful He is. I want to know how His heart beats and what He’s doing in the world and my world. I want to know what He wants of me. I want no one else to fill the spaces that I belong in. I want to be at work and think to myself that if I don’t get a few minutes to talk to Jesus, I’m not going to make it. I want to be crazy in love. I don’t want to walk a faith of assumptions that He is there; I want to know it because we’ve just talked. He just touched my hand, He just kissed me.
Give me passion or give me nothing. I’m not afraid of hell anymore, I’m redeemed. I’m afraid of a cool relationship. I want intimacy.
If you’re not married, this isn’t about grabbing a spot on The Bachelor and then you’ll be complete. It’s about a bigger relationship and a deeper passion with the only one who will ever really know you and love you anyway. It’s a soul-need this bride is looking to fill. It’s feeling the passion of loving and being loved in perfection.
After 9/11 we all coped with varying degrees of pain. We all felt a little more vulnerable. A little more acutely aware that we loved those we called loved-ones. We found ways to use that love as a comfort and a stronghold in fear. I had one specific thing I did for about two weeks. I wore the Mr.’s cologne everyday. Weird, huh? Something about breathing in the scent of him calmed my frazzled self. Made me feel like there was still something good and strong and real in the middle of ugliness and death.
It was about breathing in love. Feeling closer to the one my heart beats for.
I don’t wear the Mr.’s cologne anymore, I’m past that need. But I still need to breathe in love. I need passion. The One my heart beats for, the One my soul lives for. The eternal bride in me is longing for intimacy with her greatest Love.

Song of Solomon 4:10
10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!