Friday, March 17, 2006

I'm Overdrawn!

I need some time in the Word today. You might assume that at this point in my life, daily scripture study has already been permanently ingrained in my schedule but sadly, not so. In fact, some of the very things I am committed to; like life groups and counseling; can actually interfere with my personal scripture time if I’m not careful.
I have Problems & Promises to prepare for, I write on this blog and I teach a life group every other week so I’m spending lots of time looking for specific focuses but I need time to be me-focused as well. I need to balance what goes out and what comes in to my spirit. So today I’m going to sit down with my Bible and find something just for me. And I’m going to resist the temptation to find a lesson or a blog out of it.
Like everybody else in the world, I have decisions to make and a life to live requiring wisdom, peace, joy and the need to be productive. I won’t say it’s just a woman thing but as a woman I have some specific insight to that side of life and life takes a little something from me every day. I’m not complaining; it’s just the fact. Actually I should give something from myself into the world every day, that doesn’t make me a hero. The danger is that I can forget to refill my heart and then I start feeling like I’m emptying myself out.
My life is not so much like a box of chocolates (don’t I wish!) as it is like a bank account. I withdraw for any number of good reasons and give away much of what I withdraw. But if I don’t deposit as well, the account gets lower and lower and pretty soon, I’m overdrawn.
And what does overdrawn look like? Short-tempered. Tired. Overwhelmed. Depressed. For me it also manifests itself physically (being ever so delicate and fragile as I am). One of the surest signs that I’m overdrawn is what I call my “stress sickness”. It starts as this free-floating tiredness that seems to emanate from my bones. I am compelled to lay down for a nap or to fall asleep where I stand. My muscles start to ache. Dull headache. Irritated eye-balls. It’s not a big leap from the beginning of that to downright sick and in bed for a few days. Stress-sickness is a reaction to anything from truly dreadful and painful things in my life to just the overwhelming running list of to-dos in my head. Guess what started yesterday at about 2:00 in the afternoon? Yup.
So today I’m going to do some serious depositing into my heart account. I still have the mom, wife and human being requirements to fulfill but I’m going to put my Bible and my spirit on the schedule too. I’m going to have to do some thinking because some of the things I had planned to do today are going to have to be postponed. Some of the things must happen today and so I’ll step up and take care of those. On the must-happen list; God’s Word.
I hope that someday I become a great accountant of my heart and learn how to keep the books balanced without going into the red as often as I do now. For now, I”ll take the warning shots fired by my aching body and stuffy nose and slow down.
I’m going to finish this post, turn off the tube and grab my Bible out of my car (where I left it two days ago; a good sign that I’m going into the red). I’m going to sit in my pajamas on the couch and deposit some Proverbs into my heart. Maybe some Hebrews too. And whatever else God wants to talk to me about.
Don’t let the good and necessary stuff of life push your heart into being overdrawn. You’ll need the account to be full for the hard stuff anyway. Save for a rainy day. Deposit enough to give some away and keep some for yourself.
Balance your books.

Matthew 4:3-5
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' "

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