Monday, May 22, 2006
The Seasons of Sara
Ok, so I have no idea if this will be interesting to any one out there. My guess would be no. But blogs provide a variety of platforms and one is certainly egotistic and so I’m going to take a side trip here and there to serve this side of myself. (Which by the way is the larger side, but I’m working on that.)
Something weird is happening. I am not altogether enjoying it although I believe it’s a purposeful season in my life. My son Jay is graduating from high school and like moms everywhere, I’m combing through old family photos looking for some to display at his party. And like moms everywhere (you know who you are) I’m taking a few extra beats to examine the pictures of myself. This is of course in pursuit of the eternal quandary, do I look better now? Do I look really old? Is THAT really what I look like?
Thanks to my parent’s photographic record keeping I have pics that date back to my birth so should I be brave enough, I can glance back over my entire lifetime. And therein lies the weirdness.
And therein lies the purpose. I am taken aback by the intensity of emotions the photographs are triggering as they force memories into the forefront of my heart. Things I had forgotten. Hurts I had thought I’d long forgiven. For instance, my husband and I nearly divorced back in the early days. Those times are settled and far behind us and today we are crazier in love than ever before. But I ran across pictures of that time and from the vantage point of 2006, I saw the desperation in my own eyes. And for a second I was angry again.
So here’s what I’m thinking you can expect a bit of in future blogs. Self-inventory. I have wondered how to really do this; look over my life and objectively figure out where I should be, where I am and where I should head. I have decided that the objective part is not going to happen. But the unflinching eye of the camera has, since 1967, recorded some reality caught not only by the lense, but in my face, my body and my eyes. So I’m going to go for it; if I don’t chicken out. I’m going to choose some pictures and do some inventory. Where was I then, and what have I done with myself (or more accurately, allowed God to do with me) since?
I think, I think, I think if I’m very brave about it I can find out what God’s been up to when I was too unwise to see it the first time around. I think there are lessons I learned that I’d like to revisit. I think there are blessings that slipped by unnoticed that I’d like to enjoy anew.
I think to everything there is a season. A season for braces and boyfriends and apparently a season for big butts and broken hearts. And I think I’m ready to take a tour of the seasons of Sara. I suspect you guys were walking similar paths so feel free to come along. Let’s explore. Bring Kleenex and take deep breath. Here's what you do; find some photos that give you a loose time line. Take it one at a time (and not necessarily chronologically) and let yourself remember, think, meditate, pray and find the person in the picture. Then learn her/his lessons from today's wisdom. Or maybe you still wonder why? who was that? what was I supposed to learn? am I ready today to learn it better? Write a few notes or an entire book about it. It's your Proverbs. And if you don't mind sharing, send it along. I'd love to hear about your seasons.
For the good and the bad and the laughter and the tears...to everything...a season.
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: