Sometimes you search the sky looking for that Star of Bethlehem to guide you and you just can't find it.Everybody knows my son, Jay, has Celiac Disease. We dont' like it. But he manages. He adheres to a strict diet and that controls the disease. When he inadvertantly consumes something containing gluten, he pays and ugly price and we're reminded what a nasty disease it is.
Yesterday our younger son, Mac, was assessed for Celiac Disease. He will have blood drawn for a definitive diagnosis on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. He has the more subtle symptoms of ealier disease that we missed in Jay. One of the more not-so-subtle symptoms is that he's lost 13 pounds in not quite two months. This from the not-so-subtle lack of appetite he's acquired in that time. My big football player son is starting to look a little skinny.
And I'm reminded how fragile life is.
There is no bright and shining star to guide me to a stable where all will be made right and my boys will be made whole. Just the same sky and the same ground and sounds and sights that were there last week before it hit me that he's sick. Like a few years ago before we had heard of Celiac Disease.
I won't play hero. I'm sad. I don't understand this. Why would one, much less both, of my kids end up with this bizarre autoimmune disorder that no one has ever heard of? There's a loud loop playing in my head accusing me of doing something that caused this and it compels me to examine their infancy to identify my crime. I'm mad with no one to be mad at. I'm afraid without an escape route in sight. I'm stomping my feet and screaming it's not fair.
Even so, I know there is indeed a safe refuge when I decide to lift up my head. The star continues to shine for those who really seek it. And the stable is empty, but my Redeemer remains waiting for my wounded heart. No longer a baby but a Savior.
We'll take the tests and wait for the results and ask for your prayer in the meantime. Something is causing this weight loss and poor appetite. Maybe Celiac is the least of the threats looming on the horizon.
No gold, frankincense or myrhh today from me. I bring sadness, anger and fear to lay at the throne.
And even as these run through my fingers like sand one thing remains...I will worship.
Come and sing a song unto Zion for Jay and Mac today, ok?
10 comments:
ok!
glad I didn't put my makeup on, yes, I'll pray.
love you guys.
Praying.
My brother has celiac disease. he thinks I have that because I am allergic to alot of the same foods but I either have a very mild case or am simply just allergic to some things. He really has it though.
praying
oh, i'll sing to zion alright.
I have been sick for awhile and was blood test positive about 1.5 months ago. However my doctor didnt have a clue and needless to say I have a new GI doctor and go see him tomorrow. I understand what you say about being mad but having no one to be mad about. I'm the first in the family to have this and just seems weird as it carries a genetic marker but yet no one else in the family has had it or heard of it. Hopefully he will be ok.
When ever we go out to eat, my mother-in-law is always making the comment, "I'm so sorry you have to have this disease". My answer to her is always, "God could have given me cancer of something much worse". I was finally diagnosed with CD 6 years ago. I welcomed the diagnosis after 11 years of stomach pain, fatigue, diarrhea, etc. Now I feel great! No drugs, just diet change and that you can adjust to. It may be a little time consuming shopping & baking, but the results are phenomenal. Find a support group. They are a huge help. Check out www.csaceliacs.org to find one in your area. God Bless and think positive!
Praying and sending hugs!
praying for you and your boys...He accepts every gift we bring Him...even anger, sadness and fear...He not only accepts, He desires them...
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