Thursday, February 08, 2007

Paddle This

Please note that this photograph is of a paddle boat filled with paddle boating, life jacket wearing people. The paddle boat is the only thing that is accurate. The people do not in any way resemble those in this story.
We have these friends, Ed & Shellie. We've been friends for approximately 80 years. Ed and Shell have about the same luck we do and so any event that finds all of us together will invariably end in some ridiculous mishaps and great hilarity. Usually only the four of us find our adventures hilarious. Spectators have been known to be rather offended.
Ed and Shell have gone up north with us to my parents' cottage a few times during the summer when our church was having church camp a few towns over. We did this because Shellie and I refused to stay at the actual camp what with the dorms, lack of air conditioning and absence of cable television. These are the reasons I love Shellie.
During our cottage stays we play games, eat too much and laugh until we either blow pop out of our noses or pee our pants. Then we know it's time for bed. My mom and dad have this giant fish pillow at the cottage that cracks us up every time. We took the giant fish pillow, which we named "Big Fish" on some adventures and took its picture in various situations including driving the van and playing poker. I wish I could find those pictures, I'd post them. Ed & Shell, shoot me those if you have them.
One particular summer my parents, at the recommendation of the family at large, purchased a paddle boat to keep at the lake near the cottage. We would make great use of it we all exclaimed! What fun we would have!
So off Shellie, daboyz and myself went to take a spin on the paddle boat.
Shellie and I were paddling and daboyz were riding on the back. Being focused on good times and laughter I did not make them wear life jackets. I realize this is shameful but really quite typical behavior on my part as Ed and Shellie bring out the wacky in me even more than my baseline of wacky.
So we're giggling and paddling and it's really hard. REALLY hard work. We manage to get out into the middle of the lake and we are done. Can't get back. Floating in the middle of Moon Lake with two small boys who are not wearing life jackets. Of course, also laughing hysterically.
Eventually Dean and Eddie wandered down to the shore to see what had become of us and there we are, floating and paddling but the boat is clearly malfunctioning because it's going nowhere. After much gesticulation, arm-waving and shouting it's decided that Ed will hop into my dad's row boat and row out to us to save us. Ed is no longer laughing, however Shellie and I are now nearing pee pee pants mode. We don't understand why he's so irritated with us because it's the dumb boat that doesn't work. We're paddling for all we're worth!
He rows out to us and throws us a rope which we hang on to and he begins to drag us back to shore. The paddle boat, Shellie, daboyz and myself. Let me just insert here that it is no small tribute to the manliness of Ed Wyatt that he was able to drag us across the lake by power of his oar-skills alone. If you're wondering where the Mr. is in all this, I think he had wandered back into the cottage for a Brazier Dog.
So Ed's rowing for all he's worth and Shell and I are nearing manic laughter when the rope snaps. Ed has to then pull the rope in and throw it back to us, now shortened by half. So now he's dragging us and we're slamming up against the back of the row boat with every pull on the oars. We're still laughing and peeing. He was mumbling and I'm not sure exactly what the details were but there was a lot of "freakin'" in there.
Just as we're nearing shore I made a startling discovery! The paddle boat was not defective, daboyz were sitting on the back causing the back end to sink and the front end to lift up out of the water! The paddles were not even in the water! This is why our paddling was for naught! Ha ha! Funny! More laughing!
Ed said "freak" a few more times, we leaped from the boat and he informed us we would not be rescued the next time we ventured out in to open water.
Later that day Ed took the Big Fish out on the lake to do some fishing but we weren't invited.
The paddle boat remains in dry dock.
Matthew 14:24
but the boat was already a considerable distance from land...


Pat said...

This is just why you are no longer allowed to use the cottage, paddle boat, kayaks, BBQ grill, fishing boat, porch swing or any of the ceiling fans ~ you and the company you keep have shown a total lack of respect for the "Big Fish". Your father bought the "Big Fish" at Walmart - on his very own - he would not be happy if he knew the joke you've made of his attempt to decorate. You should be so ashamed. I think I have a tear in my eye.

Margie said...

I have a tear too, from laughing so hard!

tina fabulous said...

classic freakin' eddie. he's very no-nonsense.

Jada's Gigi said...

Girls will be girls...especially when Big Fish are thrown in for good measure....:)
Pat's comebacks are priceless! not just this one..ALL of them! :)

Mrs. Mac said...

I've changed my mind about following sara. she has no regards for the safety of little children. What on earth did she do to damage the ceiling fans?