On Am's blog the other day, she wrote an excellent post about divorce. In the comments we all went back and forth talking about the causes of divorce and Margie posed a valid question, to paraphrase...what about the small stuff?
Does the small stuff in life count or should we rise above taking notice of things that might seem inconsequential? Margie talked about shaving one's legs as an example. She's rather obsessive about this, but I digress. Could hairy legs cause a divorce? I don't think so. But I do think that a bunch of small stuff that no one takes the time to tend to causes a mountain of problems. Add looking like Sasquatch to the other thousand little things, and just maybe it's one thing too many.
We try around here to lighten each other's load whenever we can. There's a trick to that, however. And without doing it right, it's a noble but useless gesture. The trick is to know your loved ones burdens and let him or her decide what is the "small stuff." What is a small issue to me may be a back-breaking load to my husband. I need to not brush off his weariness by calling it small, but decide if it's small to me, I'll be the one to carry it.
Smallness is a matter of perspective.
The little things are the stuff we might call pet peeves. Unimportant to all but ourselves. And yet, haven't we all been pushed over the edge by our individual pet peeves? Does it ever really help to have someone tell us it's no big deal? No, it doesn't help. Because to us, it is a big deal.
So my husband doesn't particularly care if I've shaved my legs recently. Maybe that's because I have approximately four leg hairs in total; maybe it's because he just thinks I'm so freaking gorgeous even if I am a Sasquatch. But he does care about spooning at bedtime. Another small thing? Not to him. If I push him away when he tries to cuddle, it hurts him. I'm not talking about S-E-X, I'm talking about falling asleep in each other's arms.
I need to know what matters to him, and those are the big deals...no matter how small.
And if you don't think that small things matter, consider the mustard seed.
Small things have big influence.
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."