Wednesday, August 06, 2008
The Line That Has Finally Moved
We have all officially moved up one space in line now. The grandparents are all gone, mine that is. I think figuring out exactly what that means will be a work in progress. So far I have figured out that it means no more screw-ups; there's nobody to bail me out! In fact, Jesus help us, I may need to do the bailing!
There is a weird kind of feeling not having to do things like we've always done them and then trying to decide, now what? How much do we let evolve and change and how much to we cling to fiercely to pass on to future generations? It is time to be solid, to be the foundation. The problem is that yesterday I was the granddaughter which means by default the child. At the age I am now, my mom was a grandmother. I can remember vividly when my own grandparents were about my age. Simple math would prove that indeed, the line is moving forward.
I am beyond blessed to have had all of these grandparents, I even had great-grands for much of my life. My kids' employers were taken aback that they needed bereavement for their great grandmother. Nobody, or so it seems, has relationships with great grandparents. And that relationship has been a close one, not the elderly relative in the nursing home kind of grand parents. The living in the homes they have always lived in five minutes away grandparents. There at every family function. So close we speak in shorthand quoting them to one another and knowing exactly what we mean. Right down to my kids. What wealth. Wealth that I seem to have inherited before I am quite sure what to do with it.
I wonder if my parents feel a burden to now hold those positions that we all are tethered to, like kites being held by their hands passed from their own parents hands. How inexplicable it must be, to mourn your parents and guide your children and grand children in the same moment.
My grandparents always seemed so knowing, so capable and so well defined. How can I possibly be that way now? Already? Or do my boys already see me as more than I see myself to be?
How can it be too soon and yet we are in such small company to have had them for so long?
And how can I have lost all of my grandparents, who each had a nickname for me and put such a fingerprint on me and still feel peaceful and complete?
This may be the only question I can answer today. Robert and Eleanor Gerhardstein; Harold and Diana Trent loved me incredibly. And surrounded me with prayer and with Jesus. When the line moved forward, they just stepped one step closer to him and out of my sight. They stepped into heaven. And that is why I know we will all be fine. We too, have stepped one step closer to heaven. And to them.
Psalm 24:6 Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Selah