Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Big O

Me and Oprah, fat again.

So with all sincerity I am making the eternal attempt to de-fat. Slightly, ahem, older than my first foray into the defatification my motivation is a little different. I have abandoned the goal of being a hotty and pretty much just want to avoid an early death.
Meanwhile I have a work husband (don't judge me until you have a work husband. Mine is fabulous.) He is also trying to lose weight and I was telling him that I think part of my problem is that the Mr. and I are like codependent junkies, neither one tells the other one "no." And he never makes me feel ugly or fat. So here's our plan,
We are going to verbally abuse each other in order to make one another feel so bad about ourselves that we are forced to diet lest we throw ourselves from the Ambassador Bridge in shame.
Causing lots of second glances at the hospital as we walk down the hall...
"P-i-g; hog."
"You make me sick."
"Am I blind or am I standing in the shadow of your giant butt?"
I even told the cafeteria lady not to serve him because he was a disgusting tub of lard and I couldn't stand to look at him.
So far I've done laps in the gym and been right on the diet for three days straight.
I'm a firm believer in self-hatred as motivation.


Constance said...

You'll have to let us know if your "motivation" plan works. I definitely got a good chuckle this morning!

Mrs. Mac said...

If this is what works and you both take it in stride as a 'tool' for weight loss, then go for it :)

Deb said...

oh my...this made me laugh out loud....hope it works for you!