Wednesday, February 11, 2009

But Not A Real Green Dress,That's Cruel

Tax season is upon us and we have not yet filed our taxes as we generally have to pay which is simply because satan hates our guts and blinds the Turbo Tax to the truth of the matter which is that we need some dollars please.

Anyway, I thought I would take today to daydream and pretend that satan did not live inside of the Turbo Tax and think about if I had a million dollars, give or take.

I would redo my family room/kitchen. Antique white cabinets, black granite counter tops and hardwood floors. Check this out, I want to put in a floor made of a bunch of different kinds of remnant hardwood planks in all different finishes. Cool, huh? Overstuffed chenille couches x 2 in dark brown and antique white paneling on the walls. Mahogany plantation blinds.

I would get me some plastic surgery and relocate the sisters north of my belly button. And why not a tummy tuck? And some lasik please. Perhaps some dental veneers. Is there such a thing as a facial veneer?

I'd knock off the top of my house and build a bedroom suite/office that extends over the first floor including the addition. Oh, and I'd put a breakfast nook off my kitchen in that weird little zone that really should have been added on to when the family room was built, I assume grampa's thriftiness was involved in the decision to stop short. He was once called a "Cheapa da skata" by a Tijuana vendor. I'd put in a privacy fence all the way around my yard and then plant various flora and fauna in front of it on my side. I'd build a potting shed type thing on the south side of my garage. I'd put on new siding in a taupey olivy color with white shutters and black trim and replace the wrought iron porch railing with some arts & crafts Frank Lloyd Wright kind of something or other. I'd put in a stained glass window somewhere, maybe the front door. I'd put in a paver patio and take the railing off the east side of the deck and put in stairs leading to the patio. And a fire pit in the middle.

I'd buy 5 pairs of the exact same Levis. And a bunch of Gold Toe socks. And hats of various types including a raspberry beret, the kind you'd find in a second hand store.

I'd redo my basement.

I'd send Mac to school somewhere far aware forcing him to live in a dorm or at least somewhere that wasn't my house. I'd even buy him a new truck to drive there.

I'd buy hair extensions and lots of smell-goods.

I'd replace the batteries in the many watches I have that don't work.

I'd find the perfect purse.

I'd install a river in my back yard and buy goats to keep the lawn trimmed and build a petting zoo.

I'd find somewhere to store the Mr.'s bass where I couldn't see it.

I think that's all for now. Can I buy you anything?

Haven't you always wanted a mon'key?


Margie said...

maybe you can get all that with the stimilus check that Obama wants to give us.

Constance said...

A monkey, no but maybe a llama!

"What if" is a lot of fun! I guess mine would be to buy that perfect piece of mountain property in Montana, put my log cabin on it and have 2 snowmobiles and 2 ATV's parked in my garage!

Kell said...

I'd like some fancy ketchups, like dijon ketchup. Maybe some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel).

Trish said...

A monkey? No way, growing up a friend of the family had a was MEAN!!!
I'll take a log home in the hills of Tennessee though...and a partridge and a pear tree and maybe some rollerskates and a big ol' bag of OREO's of my very own and that bunny on your post and i'll even take Mac off your hands.
Sound like a winner?

Amrita said...

Oh dear me ...if wishes were horses...

Margie said...

I'd get a new roof for the house and the garage, a new furnace, 15 cases of Life Application Bibles for Grace Centers of Hope, a personal trainer, a swimming pool, I'd buy the house next door, knock it down (not Megan's), a pool, a cabana, I'd hire an interior decorator, redo the whole inside, add an addition above the garage for my renter instead of upstairs. And I'd buy a boat, and pay for all of Alive to go to Columbia. Oh, one more thing... a entire tour of Europe when we are done in Austria. Oh, wait I would like a new car, a Nitro or the new Journey, and a car for Phyllis too.

Ok, I think I'm done.

Deb said...

I want a Kindle so that I can store all the books that I don't have time to read in a very small, electronic space, so that I can free up some storage space by getting rid of my books and then complain that reading just isn't the same when you're reading from a small, electronic space and that I'd really rather have my books back.

Forget it. Buy me a monkey.

Trish said...

Good grief...that's not a bunny. It's a GOAT! But i still want me a bunny!!!

Mrs. Mac said...

I would settle for one of your old sock monkeys (vintage of course ;)