No idea why, but this is the picture that gets to me. I have pictures of myself all dolled up and looking cute and they don't make me cringe like this one. Maybe it's because one of the most wonderful things about a healthy weight is the not needing to be dolled up to be comfortable. This was taken in 2005 at a family get-together and I had come from work. And here it is, the confession I don't want to make, thirty pounds lighter. I never said it could never happen, and sure enough...
As much as I hate this, I have zero motivation for Weight Watchers right now even though I know it works for me. I made an attempt at going back a month or so ago and just can't catch the wave. No argument about needing to, just being honest with you. I don't know what I was thinking. Well, yes I do. I was virtually starving to maintain my goal weight of 150 pounds. I let myself creep up to near 160 and felt, I could live with that. However, I didn't level out and maintain. Now I'm at that size that I had formerly said was the borderline where I crossed into fat. I'm fat again.
If you wonder why I'm writing this or why I haven't written it sooner; it's because I need to feel the weight (figuratively and literally) to start myself back toward control. I have tried to convince myself that it was only a small increase and that most people probably didn't notice. I know, you noticed. I can see my butt from my front. My wedding ring is snug. I'm on my second generation of bigger jeans (just one pair until I get back down.) Back to trying on my clothes ahead of time to be sure they fit. Back to avoiding people who haven't seen me in a while. Back to making jokes about being fat to let people know I'm aware and ok with it. LIES.
I have capris pants and shorts that will not fit me when warm weather rolls around if I don't get it together.
So there it is, my confession. I am too humbled to make any grand statements about my weight and plan to diet. Just pray for me.
There should not be so much good in my life that is lost in the shadow of my appetite.
1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.