Monday, November 21, 2011

Little foxes~

I seem to be a little left of center the last few days. I am not feeling well, that certainly doesn't help. The not feeling well is interfering with keeping up with the house which creates a vicious circle. I'm the type who usually gets up early and completes my housework front to back, top to bottom in about 2 hours. Not so at the moment. I'm moving slowly, tiring easily and needing lots of sit-downs in between tasks. The laundry is done and folded but not put away. The family room is straightened but not dusted and vacuumed. In the bedrooms the linens are changed and the rooms are free of clutter but there is dust on the surfaces and the hardwood floors are begging for a sweep. The kitchen table holds all of the items I've picked up in my half-hearted efforts and gotten no further in putting away. Heaven knows were it not for the dishwasher there would likely be dishes in the sink. I don't like it one little bit.

Then there is the wonderful Thanksgiving holiday in a few days. I do love Thanksgiving so very much from awakening to the parade and a cup of coffee to making traditional delicious food that brings back the warm memories of those who have gone to heaven and the time together with loved ones. My body is making it hard to head full-throttle into the cooking and baking I want to do and adding insult to injury, I am working on Thanksgiving (and the Friday after.) I'm trying to get Wednesday off to at least allow myself a day to enjoy the cooking process as I am bringing a few dishes to my mom's when I'm off work on Thursday.

And there it is again, another frustration! The Mr. and I absolutely love having the holidays and family gatherings here. Being my grandparent's home, it feels like having everyone back at the family home when we are able to be the hosts. In the 20 years before we moved here we lived in a very small home that was not conducive to comfortably hosting the family. This year with my work schedule we aren't able to have any of the holidays here (I am working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.) My mom will have dinner and it will be fine and I know she and my dad are happy to open their house to us all. It's the little fox inside my heart trying to spoil the pleasures of holidays that aren't going by my plans.

I wanted to do some Christmas decorating over the weekend, more of my ideas lost in the uncooperative circumstances of the moment.

Since I'm in full swing of bearing my frustrations, I may as well complete the list. As you know, I am rather the hermit. Lock me inside my home and I'm happy. My circle of nearest and dearest is small. But on Sunday one of those nearest and dearest was having a baby shower for her daughter whom I've known forever and a day and guess what? This doggone body of mine with sore throat and ears and muscles and head kept me at home for one of the few occasions I wish to actually attend! I consumed gallons of hot tea and honey for 3 days attempting to wash away the bug without success. I couldn't go and make the mama sick (nor the grandmama and great grandmama to be.) Insert stomping foot here.

And and and and. Another dear friend, Kevin, lost his dad this week. The funeral was late Sunday afternoon. Kevin was at the Mr.'s dad's funeral. Kevin would be there for anything happening in my life if he had to walk on broken glass. I should have gone to the baby shower and then to the funeral. As you have guessed by now, I didn't make it to either. The two events I would actually want to attend I missed. And the devil is having a lot to say about letting my friends down, they who would never let me down.

People are so good to you and you are so self-centered.

That's the long and short of it.

And your house is messy and you are making your poor mom host Thanksgiving and you won't even be with your family for the holidays.

Oh dear, it's a melancholy moment for sure.

On the face of it, these are smallish disappointments and yet they are working together to spoil one day after another. Little foxes spoiling the vines. I know the scripture refers to small sins separating us from the Lord but I think little disappointments can add up to make us feel separated when we really aren't.

While my emotions are interpreting the situation I am working to put my spirit in charge. My spirit knows for certain that God ordains my footsteps and there is just as much joy and peace to be found in these days as there might be if things were happening more to my liking. I don't want my emotions to become so prominent that I refuse to recognize the good in things. I'm working on it.

So pray for me, if you will, that this emotion-driven attitude will be covered by Spirit-centered peace. I find myself worrying about the holiday at the hospital, will we have adequate staff? Will it be a terrible day? The enemy loves to use dread against us, doesn't he?

Now I must make it a point to post again when my spirits begin to lift, as they will at any moment. God remains on the throne, and little foxes are easily scattered.

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines...Solomon 2:15


Pat said...

Not feeling well compounds every things else. I know how badly you wanted to go to these two events, but I'm glad common sense prevailed.
Step on all guilt and rest up and get well.

Judy said...

Good grief. We are just TOO much alike.
I read a post of yours a short while ago through my google reader which I could have written myself. But, you must have deleted it.
Still glad you wrote it. I keep going back to it in my head thinking "So, I'm not the only one."