I just e mailed the boss telling her that I am hereby unavailable until Monday. I took a long weekend (a long overdue long weekend.) I can't turn my blackberry off, I'm on 24/7 call and no way around it. But I am unplugging that which can be unplugged. I even set my work e mail to auto-reply; "Out of office until Monday."
With much introspection and conversation, I've realized that among those things that keep me up at night is an inability to turn off my work brain. Just having my blackberry on all of the time puts me into hyper vigilant mode, waiting for it to ring. Not that it rings all that much, I'm just always waiting. Some of my peers have helped me to understand that my usual too "responsible" self got even more too responsible after Mac's injury almost a year ago. I really can't put work into a neat little package out of sight and mind when my kid is still there until 11:30 at night. And of course, Mac needs to talk about work when he comes home so...
The Mr. has been trying to intercept the work talk on my behalf but it's just not the same trying to explain things to his dad as it is to his mom.
Mac would like to move to another facility but right now, due to the economy, there aren't that many positions. And the ones that exist are frozen to accommodate people displaced from other hospitals that are closing down. So maybe when that door opens (which it will when God ordains it), I'll relax a little more easily.
Therefore, until Monday morning, I reserve the right to be unplugged, disconnected and unavailable. I may or may not be on blogs or Facebook or e mail. I really need to have some external and internal silence. Because this lack of sleep is just not gonna work for me much longer. I guess you'd say I'm having a bit of a personal retreat this weekend. We were thinking of taking a little trip but we have a family event on Sunday so I'm retreating into my house. That's ok, I like it here.
In case I actually exercise the discipline to unplug until Monday, have a good weekend.
And if not, well, I'll see you sooner.