Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Almost weary~

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9

As you may recall, I decided that instead of another year of frustration with the Mr. for not being a yard guy, I was going to become a yard woman.  This after the Holy Spirit gently convicted me of choosing to be offended rather than to be reconciled to my situation.  So off I went to pick up some flowers and supplies, which the Mr. kindly loaded into and out of my truck for me.  I spent hours and hours working around the yard.  Making myself move slowly, which is something I don't generally do.  My own habit of trying to rush is most of what wears me out.  The Lord was showing me to enjoy my yard work, to let it soothe me and to let him work quietly in my heart while I worked quietly in my yard.  I took breaks to sit back with a glass of iced water and enjoy the birds and the sunshine and the breeze.  I played tennis ball with Donny, I arranged and rearranged my pots of flowers and herbs before planting them.  Roughly eight hours of this pace and multiple whispered "Slow down" reminders, and most of my work was done.  Of course, it's remarkable how much one can still see to be done, but I chose not to linger in those kind of discouraging thoughts.  This was for me, for my good as well as my enjoyment.  Jesus and me.
The Mr. is still the heavy lifter and general maintenance guy around here, so after my long day he came home to mow the lawn.  And here is where my attitude was tested.  He mowed and then used the blower and to my dismay, blew debris back into all of those beds I had painstakingly weeded and cleared.  A few spots I had actually cleared of grass to create a bed.  The little reading patio I had swept and cleaned and set a chair in?  Covered in lawn clippings right down to my reading chair.  Goodness, my heart quickly changed from content to anger.  And even, to tears.  I didn't really expect applause because part of the lesson I'm learning is that this is something I want, not Dean.  But to be sabotaged? Well, anyway, that's what it felt like ;)
I contained myself as much as I could and asked him to stop blowing, that he was blowing messes back into areas I had worked hard to clear.  If you're thinking that this is where he apologizes and cleans the mess?  It isn't.  Nope, his response was "I had to mow the lawn."  I felt completely devalued.  I stayed feeling that way over night.
The next morning I got up with my cup of coffee and went to my reading patio.  I brushed off my chair, swept up the clippings and sat down to sulk some more.  The beautiful herb garden and butterfly patch were no longer pristine and bright,  as you can see in yesterday's pictures.  I threw another log of resentment on my heart's fire as I sat there.  I thought of what to say and how to say it and even, how to insist that he clean up the mess he made of my hard work.  Then I figured, it's no use having this argument so I might as well just throw in the towel. The Holy Spirit, however, had other plans.
"This is between you and I, all of this.  It's none of Dean's."
So, I didn't realize the depth of this lesson of the yard work.  I thought it was to step up and work for what I wanted on my own.  But it's not, at least not all together, that simple.  It's also to be patient.  It's to move slowly and purposefully and to look beyond the grass clippings and still see the sweet little herbs pushing up between the stones.  It's to see what is temporary (the mess) and what is not (the plants.)  It's to forgive and to not make my own efforts more important than someone else's.  It's to become gracious of spirit and to work for something greater than bragging rights and pride.  It's to create a thing that is the Lord's and mine, and to realize that no one can really and truly tarnish it. 
It's even ok to sit on my reading patio and cry just a little, to let God soothe me and to move on. 
Just as I was breathing in comfort and forgiveness, I noticed Dean dragging an extension cord across my fairy garden and knocking it all over.
And God, it seems, is not quite finished with this lesson, she said with a smile instead of with tears.


Mrs. Mac said...

Sorry for your loss .. and you made me spit hot tea all over the place.

Trish said...

While those Blowers may be handy dandy little inventions...I despise them! They are always disturbing the quiet of the day...
I can so relate, because Tom never bags our grass when cutting...he mulches and that grass ends up everywhere. Such is life...God is good.

Bonnie said...

Oh my heavens, it's like you peeked into *our* backyard! lol. So good to know I'm not alone!