Famous One

Habakkuk 3:2
LORD, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy.

The other day I was listening to a preacher who described himself as a “second generation Christian.” Naturally I started counting backwards and realized I was a fourth generation Christian That’s based on not knowing for sure the faith of the generations before my great grandparents who immigrated from Hungary. All I know for certain is that my gramma’s mother accepted the Lord when her children were small and that’s where the spiritual lineage began in earnest.
I was chatting with a woman at work about two young people who had died in the snow after using crystal meth. They didn’t need to die; they wandered away from a vehicle with a half tank of gas and kept calling 911 from their cell phones but were too disorganized and stoned to tell the dispatchers where they were or to follow instructions that would have easily saved their lives. My co-worker asked if I worried about such a fate for my own kids. I don’t. Naturally this led to a discussion about my gratitude to God for his hand on daboyz lives, about their relationship with the Lord being their greatest protection against sad endings like the one described above. From there I shared that our faith has always been the foundation our family rested on. I talked about imperfect people parenting imperfect kids but God making up the difference in our lives. About the Mr. and myself meeting in high school and our own faith guiding us away from dangerous choices.
This wasn’t a long conversation being that it was happening in the middle of a work day while we multi-tasked and juggled our workloads. The impact on my friend may have been very nominal. But the affect on me was great.
I have nothing upon which to depend but my belief in my God. I have seen well-meaning Christians act foolishly, rashly and unkindly. I have been that well-meaning Christian more times than I can count. It is only God that is consistently right and good. So good in fact, that his righteousness covers over all the ineptitude that I bring to daily life.
I can see why those little gray haired ladies of my childhood would stand up to proclaim their amazement at God’s wonderfulness. You let enough years roll by and you can’t help but be amazed at how many mistakes he didn’t make you pay for. I used to pray with white knuckles but not so much any more. Now I rest a little more in God just being God today like he was yesterday and last year and in 1971 and four generations back.
This fourth generation Christian has heard of the fame of God and stands in awe despite the fact that I refuse to be a gray haired anything.
I pray that my fifth generation kids will recognize his deeds because they are just as real today as they were in the days of Habakkuk.
And I claim my sixth generation grandchildren for the God of my great grandmother.
Let us always make Him famous.

Beggar

It was so weird.
You guys know that Jay has Celiac and that Mac has been not all that healthy for several months. You know that Mac is being screened for Celiac and the tests have been inconclusive.
Last Wednesday I came home and Mac was on the couch being off on winter break from school. It was about 3:30 and he was in his pajamas. Not that unusual on a day off of school. But then my chest kind of tightened up. You know that feeling when your gut has recognized something before your head has caught up? He was sick...again.
Something in his complexion, the tone of his voice, his posture. The too familiar look of not feeling well.
"You sick?"
"Yeah."
"What's the matter?"
"I don't know. My throat. I'm stuffy."
No fever. Said he was drinking plenty of fluids. Had eaten.
And I went upstairs and put my head down on my desk and cried.
I thought about calling someone or e mailing someone but didn't really want to talk about it. I got into my bed in my work clothes and cried and cried and cried.
Why cry over a sore throat? Because I've lost track of the sore throats and upset stomachs over the last six months. And I honest to God could not deal with one more anything.
It's remarkable to me how fast the bottom fell out of my heart.
As I've said before, all tests are negative so far and he's gaining weight and eating. In fact, he's now up four pounds! I'm claiming him healed and whole.
But boy, for a little while there it was rough. About a half hour really of crying and praying and crying. Desperate is the way I'd describe myself. Despair. Not again God, no more!
Despair can sneak up on you, ya know?
Mac's fine.
It's me that had the problem.
When I saw him sick you want to know what I did between feeling his forehead and laying my head down to weep? I got on the computer and looked up symptoms, illnesses, diseases. I reread his lab results. I wracked my brain for the missing thing that would explain it all. I did some research on some very ugly diseases with a knot in my stomach.
After fifteen minutes of that with too many tears in my eyes to read the monitor any longer it was then I dragged myself to bed to cry and whisper my dread to God.
I didn't find anything on the computer except confirmation that my son has had all the flu and colds that we've all had all winter. And that he has an excess of snot, which is not fatal.
I learned something else, I am a beggar.
I am a beggar for mercy, grace and one more day.
I walked around thinking I'm bullet-proof but I'm not. I'm a beggar.
Please God, just pull me up and take care of this.
I was a beggar from the beginning. Just needed a reminder of my status.
Because only when the beggar reaches out her hand does she get the bread she needs.
Next time despair knocks you down, reach out your hand to God before you Google your other options.
I'm begging you.

Isaiah 14:3 And it shall come to pass in the day that the LORD shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear...

The Now & The Not Yet

The Now and the Not Yet lyrics by AMY GRANT

No longer what we were before, But not all that we will be.
Tomorrow, when we lock the door, On all our compromising,
When He appears, He'll draw us near,
And we'll be changed by His glory, Wrapped up in His glory....

We will be like Him ,For we shall see Him, As He is.
No longer what we saw before, But not all that we will see.
Tomorrow, when we lock the door, On all our disbelieving,
When He appears (holy, holy),Our view will clear,
And we'll be changed by His glory, Wrapped up in His glory....

But I'm caught in between The now and the not yet;
Sometimes it seems like Forever and ever, That I've been reaching to be All that I am,
But I'm only a few steps nearer, Yet I'm nearer....

No longer what we were before ,But not all that we will be.
Tomorrow, when we lock the door, On all our disbelieving,
And He appears (holy, holy),He'll draw us near,
And we'll be changed by His glory,
Wrapped up in His glory....When He appears (holy, holy),
He'll draw us near, And we'll be changed by His glory, Wrapped up in His glory....

Ok, ok, I realize that it is decidedly uncool to acknowledge Amy Grant in 2007. But cool is something I’ve never been so let’s put that on the list of the now and the not yet...
I’m just soaking in the glory of the future and embracing some pslams that are speaking to me today.
It’s so good to know that I’m not yet all I will be. Not yet.

February 25, 2007

Matthew 23:23
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.

Spicey

1. Garlic
2. Onion powder
3. Pepper
4. Oregano
5. Crushed red pepper
6. Kosher salt
7. Basil
8. Dill
9. Parsley
10. Cilantro
11. Cumin
12. The Mr.

No Worries...

Isaiah 54:17 (King James Version)
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

I just printed this scripture up on my printer.
I was loading the dishwasher with half my mind on the Lord and the other half just wandering when this verse came to my mind. I didn’t know where it was located, I would’ve guessed somewhere in Ephesians among the spiritual warfare passages. How great is it to have internet search engines to solve these mysteries?
Despite my lack of specific location, I’ve known this verse for longer than I can remember. It’s an old-timey Sunday School verse, don’t you think? I’m sure I’d recited it for Sister Sherrel or Sister Allen and they’d write it in their little notepads, keeping a tally of those who learned their verses for a prize at the end of the quarter. Don’t tell anyone, but I’d usually learn it on the way to Sunday School in the car just well enough to spit it back out in class.
I’m also sure I’ve heard this scripture preached from pulpits for the last thirty five or so years. A promise for the Believers that they could be attacked but not defeated.
Today it was told to me again in my heart and to me it seemed beautiful and new in its oldness and familiarity. I was so thankful to have heard and learned this scripture so it could float back to me while I stood in my kitchen not looking for God and yet finding him.
I can’t think of much to say beyond the scripture itself. It seems so perfect to me today. It seems like all I need, all I might ever need. My belly feels full and my muscles feel strong under the weight of the words.
I’m going to put this scripture somewhere to remind me about my promise. In fact I’m going to print up a few more to place all around me. I’m going to live in the middle of this verse for a while.
In fact, I’m going to live in the middle of this verse forever.

Isaiah 54:17 (King James Version)
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

Sunday School

Did you go to Sunday School?
Did you have your very own Sunday School book to follow along and take your turn reading the story every week?
Did you sit in small chairs around a kidney-shaped table to color with crayons from a basket where you hunted for unbroken ones?
Did you get a quarter (or a nickel or a dime) from your dad that you clutched in your sweaty palm afraid you'd lose it before offering?
Did you see Jesus multiply the loaves and the fishes and Noah and his ark and Joseph's coat of many colors on the flannel graph? Did you ever get to smooth the figure of Moses on to the green flannel board for the teacher?
Did you have stiff and squeaky shoes and a special coat you wore only to Sunday School?
Did you learn to pray and raise your hand to share your prayer requests?
Did you bow your head to thank the Lord for animal crackers and weak Kool-Aid in dixie cups?
Did you rush with all the other kids up out of the basement and search for your mom and dad for morning worship and for just a moment feel afraid you couldn't find them?
Did you get hard hugs and smiling eyes from Brother_____or Sister_____?
Did you ever get a post card that said, "We missed you!" when you were sick?
Did you ever get a pencil with Jesus fishes on it on Promotion Sunday? Did you ever get the perfect attendance pin?
Did you ever dream that those were the days that laid your foundations?

Psalm 34:11
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

Good News & Stuff

Hey Guys!
Was running late this morning and had nothing to post that got my blood pumping so here's an off the cuff buncha stuff for ya.
Mac's biopsy results from Friday for Celiac Disease were negative, as were his initial labs. He is up two pounds although he still has no appetite to speak of, he is more aware to eat even if he's not hungry. The next step is another round of labs on Friday. If that is inconclusive, genetic testing. We're going to get Friday's bloodwork and continue to pray. I'm ready to call him healed. Please continue to pray for his health and our wisdom.
Tomorrow he and his Grandpa (my dad) are headed west to Albion College for a campus tour for football recruits. We thought that it was too late but the coach called and still wants him to come and take the tour and consider the college. Another thing to pray about!
On to an unrelated topic, on the way home I was listening to our local Christian radio station, which I never listen to on the way home because the guy irritates me. Anyway...the topic was churches that have heard angel's songs during moments of intense worship. I am neither convinced nor skeptical on the topic frankly. But they played two tapes. The first one was so powerful I almost had to pull over. As soon as the "angel's songs" started on the audio tape I was overwhelmed with such a feeling of worship I was crying and driving and trying to figure out what just hit me. The second tape did not have the same effect on me. Did anybody else hear this? Thoughts?
So I think that's all I have to say for now.
Oh, one more thing. I bought a giant box of Little Caesar's Crazy Bread with dipping sauces for a fundraiser from this weird guy at work and have no room in my freezer. I guess I'll have to eat it all tonight.
Hope you guys are all having a great day.
Love you and thanking you for your prayers on behalf of daboyz!

Grace,
xos

Encouraged

Psalm 34:2
My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.


Let’s define the terms here. Let’s say the soul is internal, emotional, essential and eternal part of us.
Let’s say that boasting is the expression of that which we are proud.
I woke up this morning neither happy nor sad but just awake and figuring that was as good a start as any. Then I heard those Spring-heralding birds outside and there was a little lift at the corners of my mouth. I started thinking about tulips blooming and blue sunshiny skies and open windows and deep breaths in that didn’t freeze my lungs.
You might wonder why I would find so much pleasure in these little ideas when I’m a self-proclaimed winter lover?
Because sometimes when you’re not really looking for it God talks to you. We all have the experience of praying and intentionally trying to hear him, but like in any good relationship the other person will approach us when there’s something worth saying even when we aren’t asking for it. Today He did that. He told me something and I’d like to pass it on because I think it goes for you too.
BE ENCOURAGED!
That’s it. If you’re in a rush, you can leave now and take that with you.
I’m given to melancholy, depression, pessimism and doubt. I am wired for low self-esteem. There are a million things I could dwell on to pull me down. Not because my life is hard but because that’s how satan talks to me. And yes, sometimes people you don’t want to hear from butt in with their two cents too.
If you would’ve asked me a little while ago what I was boasting in this morning, I’d have probably cracked a joke and dodged the question. There are too many things I need to work on to be sitting around boasting.
But then God spoke to me. The glory of it is that I am not in a depressed state. I’ve been in that dark hole where I’m begging for a reason to get out of bed. I’m not there. I’m really quite content, reality of my various short-comings and burdens not withstanding. I was just feeling neutral and still, God noticed me! He wanted me to feel better than neutral! He wanted me to be encouraged, to know I was noticed even when I was neither doing great spiritual things nor in great desperate need. His eyes wandered the earth and fell on my in my ratty bathrobe with nothing particular happening and he stopped by to tell me to be encouraged.
Listen to the birds, notice the brightness of the sun turning the seasons back toward spring, remember the flowers pushing up last year and know that the hand of God will pushing them up through the earth this year. Realize the finest details do not escape Him.
You don’t have to be sad or happy to talk to the Father who loves you. In fact, he loves you so much he stops by to chat even when you’re about other business.
It reminds me of my Grampa Gerstein. Let me insert here that were my Grampa Gerstein alive he’d be thrilled at his multiple mentions in this blog and probably be printing them up. I assume in heaven he’s forcing Paul and Mother Theresa to read my blog.
Anyway, my Grampa was a dropper-inner. You never knew when he’d show up. Sometimes you’d look out into your back yard and there he’d be inspecting the trees or pulling weeds. Usually you’d see out your front window as his gray sedan pulled at a slightly too fast speed in front of the house and slammed to a stop blocking the approach to the driveway. Then in one motion this would happen; he’d slam the car into park causing it to rock a little, leap out and head up the walk. I’d rush to the front door to let him in. Generally he’d have a bag of cookies from the grocery store, specifically the maple shaped ones with maple frosting sandwiched in there. My favorites.
Sometimes he had an adventure in mind like heading toward the old Farm to check out antique shops or going out to lunch, probably at Dimitri’s or going to the apple orchard or finding a roadside stand to buy fresh green beans.
It didn’t require a celebration or a tragedy to inspire a Grampa drop by. He just wanted to see my face and give me some of my favorite cookies. There was encouragement in the air.
Today, if there’s nothing around you to find pride in and your soul is in neutral, God wants you to be encouraged. There’s a bird singing to you, there’s a flower that will bloom for you.
As for me, I think I just may go buy some maple cookies.

February 18, 2007

Psalm 116:7
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.

Things That Relax Me

1. Silence.
2. Reading.
3. Aloneness.
4. Pajamas.
5. Eating (I know, so wrong yet so wonderful.)
6. Worship.
7. Home.
8. The Mr. holding my hand.
9. Laughing.
10.Jesus.

Beloved

The Mr. left this Sunday morning for church a few hours ago. I’ll go later with Daboyz and meet him there.
I always get up before he goes to chat for a moment or two and start my coffee. This day was no different. We chatted, giggled a little. He kissed me good bye.
I’d done a little writing this morning, a little scripture study, a little news-watching and had my coffee. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror for the first time that day.
I looked exactly like Phyllis Diller, only not that good.
And this man of mine never batted an eye, never looked twice. He acted like he does when I’m all dolled up and looking good. Never mind good, looking presentable! Or even not crazy!
It made me laugh out loud and realize that it’s a good kind of love that doesn’t take note of my unloveliness. Or at least loves me too much to point it out.
It’s exactly the way Jesus loves you. And me.
And Phyllis Diller.

Song of Solomon 2:16
My beloved is mine, and I am his...

Decision

Matthew 27:1
Early in the morning, all the chief priests and the elders of the people came to the decision to put Jesus to death.

Muddling through senior year decisions with Mac and watching the news coverage of the death of Anna Nicole Smith has me thinking about decisions.
I’m going to step outside of the range of political correctness and make a bold statement. I don’t think Anna Nicole Smith knew Jesus as her personal savior. We can do the Christian thing and say we hope her final breath called out to him, we don’t know the state of her heart. That’s all true. And I still say the evidence points toward a death away from Christ. I will wrap up this harsh train of thought by stating that if my suspicions are correct, she is now in hell.
Shocked? Don’t be. One day you will be able to confirm or dispute my theory.
As for decisions, I find it astounding that anyone can be so poor at decision-making as to deny the gift of the cross. Apparently, for some, this falls into the category of “too big of a decision.” Faith in Jesus will cost, what? Nothing. But nothing is too much to sacrifice?
Anna Nicole made decisions to pose nude, do legal and illegal drugs, have sex with multiple partners, put herself on display for public consumption and have two children. These decisions she was able to commit to. It was the Jesus decision that was too big to make.
If I sound ticked off, I am. Not at Anna Nicole. Well, maybe a little bit at Anna Nicole. I’m angry in that way you get angry when you watch someone you love do stupid things that hurt them. Did I love Anna Nicole? Frankly until she died, I never thought about it. I thought she was a ditzy, sleazy junkie. I watched her reality show and mocked her speech and imitated her the way she said her dog’s name (shh-pie). I thought she was tragic and beautiful and wasted and used up. I will admit I never said to myself, “I love her.”
When my son walked into the basement on Thursday as I was doing laundry and told me she was dead, suddenly my heart realized I had loved her and I was so sad for her.
Sad and angry that she waited too long to make a simple decision. That she stupidly made so many others that destroyed her. I don’t know if she committed suicide, overdosed unintentionally or died of natural causes. I do know she lived a sad and used-up life and died without dignity. And yes, probably without Jesus.
We make so many decisions. We are so bad at it. We pretend that not making a decision relieves us of responsibility. We don’t admit that not making a decision is a decision in itself. There is no escape.
The easiest and most important decision is the one that slips by too often.
Decide that the death of Jesus was enough.
Don’t be one of the ones that decide he should die for no reason. Even if you don’t think you have decided, you already have.

You Sexy Thang

True story.
We're sitting in front of Annapolis High School waiting for Mac to come out after taking his ACT. The Mr.'s cell phone rings, a friend of ours car has broken down. Wondering if we can suggest someone who can help him out.
What follows is a transcript of the exchange between the Mr. and myself...

Dean: "I wish I was mechanical."
Me: "Me too. I wish you were anything."
Dean: "I'm mostly just sexual."
Me: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well, at least you're funny."

Consider yourself inspired and have a happy Valentine's Day!

Paths

Our younger son, Mac, is graduating this year. Jay graduated last year and it seems like I did a lot of posts about the matter and so I’m trying not to do the sequel this year and drag you guys along. Been there, done that, huh?
I know that there’s a prevailing attitude that “these kids today” really have it made. Do they? I think not. I think it’s hard, being a kid. Turning eighteen, graduating, decisions. When I hear an adult waxing eloquent about the ease of coming of age compared to the old days or the stresses of being whatever their own age is; I think one word...arrogant. Give me a break.
Mac is a really good kid, a fact for which I take no credit. It’s all him and God. Someday, with his permission, I’ll post his testimony. He wrote it a few years back and it says it all. He’s a young man who works diligently at finding the God-path and walking it. If you think that’s easy, you’re not on the path yourself.
There’s a weight of decision-making on the backs of teenagers. It tells them that one wrong move, one misstep and all is lost. There’s a voice whispering in their ears insisting that if they don’t have it all figured out and tied up before commencements, they are failures. I think that’s why so many of them give up before they reach senior year. And we, wanting to inspire success and greatness in our children add to that burden. It’s a barrage of pressure. I’m going to tell you right now, it’s a wrong message. I’m going to tell you what I have told my boys, there are three things that will change the course of your life in a way you can’t reverse...
1. Not serving God.
2. Getting married unwisely.
3. Having a baby before you should.
That’s it. Taking the wrong classes or changing your major or even, gasp, failing a class is not fatal. Mercy means wiggle-room in life. It means you can learn from mistakes or miscalculations. It’s OK. You can try and change your mind. You can try and fail. You can try and try again until you get it right. Just try.
Mac’s senior year hasn’t gone as perfectly as I hoped it would. There’s been no small amount of quietly handled difficulty over here. It’s his life so I’m careful to respect the way he wants to deal with it.
It’s Saturday morning, February 10 and Mac is taking his ACT right now. If you’re a parent, you are thinking to yourself, “it’s pretty late in the year to take his ACT!” You’re right. It’s past the deadline for a lot of schools. The problem is, this fall Mac was sick a lot. He missed a few weeks of school all together. We couldn’t seem to keep him healthy enough for two weeks in a row to take the test. In fact, he’s there and sick right now. We just couldn’t delay any longer. Back in September we kept thinking we had enough time. No time left.
In August the kid was planning on playing his third year as a varsity football player. That plan didn’t work out either. You know the story so I won’t delve back into it.
Six months ago he was wondering about football scholarships, living away at school, which school to choose. Six months later he has been too sick and thrown too off course to have all the options we would've liked. No, he wasn’t in a hospital bed. It’s just been one bout of sickness and doctor’s visits after another burning through several months. Some doors have closed.
In fact, we just got his senior pictures taken because frankly, he’s looked pretty crummy and I was waiting to get him looking healthy and strong! Well, Prestige Photo will have to touch up his dark circles and maybe people won’t notice his suit coat kind of hanging off his body because of the weight loss. He’s still cute.
So many things didn’t go as planned. So many small details we thought we had control of that slipped through our fingers. Life got in the way of the ideal senior year. It’s forcing us to change our plans. And it’s making us realize that all those little details weren’t all that important because God’s plans cannot be changed.
This morning Mac got out of bed to go take his ACT. Achy, dark circles, sore throat. Mouth so full of canker sores he can hardly speak clearly. Nervous because of the school he’s missed all year and this week and wondering if it’ll cause him to score low.
He’ll probably go to Henry Ford for a year or so (our local community college) instead of straight to a four year college. I think that’s ok. I think he does too. It just means some doors have closed. Realistically, he can’t pursue college football. His ACT is happening too late. His health is still unpredictable. His weight is down. He hasn’t played in a year.
I think God made these decisions because like I said, Mac and God are tight. So we look at these events with a mixture of relief and regret.
It’s ok though. It takes a man of great faith and substance to have his plans rewritten by God and to still serve Him.
Before he left this morning to sit through a five hour test when he should be laying in bed sipping tea Mac said this, “It’s probably good that I stay at home and go to Henry Ford. Now I can keep working with Fuel (junior high ministry) and Alive (youth ministry) as a leader. I’m gonna call Adam (youth pastor) and tell him I’ll be here next year.”
And so with dark circles and decreasing body weight, esophageal scope scheduled for next Friday and additional lab work this week Mac went to take his ACT too late to fulfill every possible dream. And with a swollen and sore mouth he put his life again into his Father’s hands.
I don’t think he’s lost a single opportunity.
Psalm 119:2-3
Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways.

Springing Up!

Ok all you winter-time-whiners; there’s good news for you. Spring officially arrives on March 21 this year but there’s a hint on the air if you listen closely.
You have to be an early morning riser to notice such things so you long-winter’s-nappers are reaping what you sow!
For the last few days when I get up early there is the tell-tale chirp of birds in the air that is distinctively absent in the depths of winter. Spring is coming. It’s the first sign every year.
Lift up your heads, get out of bed, take off that stocking cap you’re sleeping in and listen! God is waking up the earth!

Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Mike's Lighthouse

We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won't need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don't fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.
Dwight L. Moody

(This lighthouse is a gift made by my friend, Mike, whom I've written about in a prior post. He is a living lighthouse.)

February 11, 2007

Psalm 91:4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

I can't find...

1. My gray turtle neck.
2. My beige trouser socks.
3. My three white bras.
4. My one black bra.
5. My long sleeved black t-shirt.
6. My diamond pendant.
7. My engagement ring (don't worry; I lost the diamond years go. It's just the setting)
8. The nursing module I was working on.
9. Daboyz vaccination records.
10.My mind.

Photo Finish, Courtesy of Ed & Shel