On Track

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Regrets, I’ve had a few (another saying I invented; again, you may use it).
Plans vs. purpose. It’s a concept I’ve been chewing on a lot lately. I don’t like it.
I even posted about my plans and how they didn’t work out (see Plan This). I have always assumed that my failed plans were equal to failure period. I have a hard time walking away from “The Plan” and not trying to dissect the whole affair. I sometimes lay in bed at night thinking about what I could have done to change the course of things and how it would’ve made my life different.
It leaves me feeling like those old movies where the helpless damsel is tied up on the railroad tracks struggling like crazy to get untied and off the tracks before....
My heart has planned for a future that didn’t happen. I had a house chosen and a plan to live in it. I had a career path I was excited about. I had a body in my head that never seemed to make it into the real world.
The whole thing came together in my mind a few months ago during a conversation about someone who had passed away too young. We all have someone in our lives that has died and we ask that question, “What would they be doing today?”
It’s a torturous thought. In fact, it can become an obsession picturing that person getting older, getting married, being at this or that event.
Pretty soon we’re back on the railroad tracks tied up in our own thoughts. The plan has failed and now we don’t see a future that makes sense.
So back to the conversation about the person so well-loved who died too young. And those still mourning him all these years later. And the question, “What would he be doing today?” Well, God answered the question.
“Nothing. There was no today in My purpose for him. His life was complete when he died. My plans are perfect.”
I’ll be very honest with you, that seemed really harsh to me. I spent about a week really thinking hard about that. The plans that failed were plans that didn’t match the Lord’s purpose. Because His purpose prevails.
In stark terms, God was saying that if someone died a year ago or ten years ago or twenty years ago; there was no intent for him or her to be at the family reunion this summer or to be at your wedding. There never was a plan for my Grandpa to see Jay graduate. Yes, I pictured him sitting there grinning ear to ear during commencements and taking all the credit and insisting on a thousand pictures of himself with his great grandson.
But there was never a purpose from God’s heart for that to happen.
And yes, it left me feeling tied up and incomplete. Until I understood that I was pitting my plans against God’s purpose.
In my own life until just the last few weeks, I considered my career to be the runner up for the true plan. I was going to be a teacher forever. Didn’t happen. I got married and had babies and never enacted the plan. Then a few years ago I did go back to school and became a nurse. That was NEVER in the plan. I had (have) no desire to be a nurse.
Uh, wait a minute. That was NEVER in my plan. This just in, it is exactly God’s purpose.
Can I be really honest here and tell you that I graduated in 2004 from nursing school with no great pleasure at the idea of a career as a nurse. Can I tell you that I went to nursing school because it was a two year program and I crunched it in a year and half? Can I tell you that for two years I have felt that I was just doing what had to be done? Stiff upper lip. Chin up. Mourning my plans, confusing my plans with God’s purpose.
Well after the revelation about God’s purpose prevailing over man’s plans; I got to thinking about this. If God wanted me to be a teacher, I would be one. But I ain’t. Soooooo...
Gasp. God wants me to be a stinking nurse? What? You mean, I’m right there in the flow where I belong?
For two years I’ve been feeling like a fake and a failure. I’ve been feeling like I didn’t have a right to be a nurse because it wasn’t my plan. I wasn’t passionate about it. People tell me I’m a good nurse and deep down I’m kind of ashamed to receive the compliment. People ask for my opinion about a nursing issue and I don’t feel confidant in my ability.
I’m tied up on the railroad tracks and hoping nobody notices. But my heart is racing and I’m pretty sure I’m done-for.
Don’t let Satan (yes, Satan) lie to you any more. Don’t look over your shoulder at the plan and let yourself be tied up in regrets. Your plans were never meant to last, only God’s purposes are perfect. He will sideline our imperfect intentions with our own mistakes and our own talents. He’ll use people who intend to hurt us and people who love us. He’ll use every breath, word and thought to fulfill His purpose.
Even if it means interfering with my plans.
So let go. Sit up and untie yourself. Walk away from the tracks. There’s no train bearing down on you.
There is no “today” that should’ve been and isn’t.
There is no plan of God’s that you are powerful enough to destroy.
There is no purpose of God’s that you are strong enough to defeat.
My grandpa was never meant to see my sons graduate.
I was never meant to be a teacher.
And those ropes around your life are self-inflicted.
Stand up and start living in the prevailing, perfect purpose.

Sincerely,
Sara, Registered Nurse per God’s Purpose