The Season of Becoming

I seem to be always in a state of becoming, and not often arriving. Perhaps this is the very exercise of life. The becoming may only be for the eternity when this body is no longer required of me.
I have put my hands and my heart to the fulfillment of dreams and wishes in younger years. I wanted to become the owner of a larger house or the driver of a nicer car. Those becomings are the stuff of yesterdays and yesteryears now.
My son graduated from high school last week. Being the family that we are, all celebrations last at least a month longer than they need to. We are big on wringing every last moment out of life’s occasions; both big and small. So we have had the official graduation open house, commencements and finally a few days ago, the smaller family dinner.
And now my son has officially graduated.
You see pictured here a happy family. We have become that way over time and trial. You see a woman here who has become peaceful and joyful from the inside. A woman who no longer seeks to become things that will fade with time and age.
My son was just recently a baby in my arms and a few moments ago a kid working on science fair projects.
His brother was a bad boy who had more spankings than I care to recall and developed a fear of public bathrooms, as that was where the beatings generally happened if we were on the road.
My husband was a young father who didn’t know what to do with the burdens of a family and took refuge in music and pushing his fears aside.
And I was, just a heartbeat ago, a young unhappy woman who was hoping to become...something different.
And become I did. I could now list the accomplishments that I am most proud of. But really, they are pictured above. All else is unworthy of discussion in comparison.
I have become a mom since these beautiful boys were born. No, not in the delivery room. In the years I have become a mother. I have become an appreciater of the sound of snoring from their bedrooms and laughter in the backseat. I have become an adorer of God’s handiwork evidenced in these children of mine.
I have become a holder of time, seconds and minutes and hours and days and weeks. The years will hold themselves and show themselves back to me in greater number than I am prepared for. But the ticks of the second hand, those are my collection.
I have become a toucher of hair and faces and hands. I have become a hugger of friends and family and people and dogs and even guinea pigs.
I have become an inhaler of afghans that hold the memory of my grandparents' house in their scent.
I have become a gatherer of photographs.
I have become a woman who lets go of that which I once gathered to hold in my chest until it nearly suffocated me. How easily those weights fell behind me when I released them, knowing now how useless they are.
I have become one who holds tightly to gratitude and encouragement. I have become one who looks at the faces of those who say they love me, and I believe them.
I have become dependent.
I have become free.
I am not finished.
I am becoming...

Ezekiel 17:8
It had been planted in good soil by abundant water so that it would produce branches, bear fruit and become a splendid vine.