My parenting style could be described in two words; "control freak." I think this is why early on, the Lord did a little gentle nudging about wise parenting. When daboyz were tiny, I understood that I could enforce rules that would keep them more or less on track. However, if they did not internalize the principles of scripture more than the house rules I made; age 18 posed the threat of them stepping off the house rules cliff into moral oblivion. I did not want our relationship post high school to be one of "my way or the high way."Now that both boys are out of school our rules are more like negotiations. There are things they believe, think and do that I count as errors. There are things I believe, think and want that they don't embrace. However, Jesus bridges those gaps because the relationship amongst the four of us is one of love and respect if not always agreement. They make mistakes that my rules would've prevented and like any parent, this makes me nuts. They also say and do amazing things that I'd like to take all the credit for, but they are now their own persons. Their successes are their own just like their mistakes.
What I have learned in the last almost 20 years is that I have very little to offer these children/men. They have to negotiate life through a relationship with the Lord and not with me. They can obey every Christian rule I can think of and ultimately spend eternity in hell if their heart is not surrendered to Christ himself.
They can also obey every Dean & Sara rule and hate us in their hearts.
Neither of those options is acceptable to me. And so I have done my best and made mistakes covered in prayer. It is a little scary, this new part of life where little boys are grown men and can destroy every dream you've dreamed for them. So far, so good.
Two in college, one with a career already started. Two parents with no more rules to use as a safety net.
Four adults and one Jesus living under the same roof
Proverbs 22: 6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
6 comments:
I can really only speak for one of daboyz because I don't know Jay all that well... but Mac. he's got a heart for Jesus, he was a great kid, and will continue to live on in the life of Jesus to be a great man.
And he's a good hugger, that's a good judge of strong character ;)
Control freak parenting obviously works.
As I read this post, I'm reminded of the time when I'm going to have to cut the apron strings and let Olivia live a life on her own - making her own decisions and her own mistakes. It breaks my heart --even now --at the young age of five when she demonstrates so much independence and not enough need for me! What happened to that baby girl who needed me for everything? You can believe I'm holding on to the next few years --taking all I can get! You're not the only Control Freak parent!
Know the feeling , Control Freaks find it hard, because we now have to watch them make mistakes we could maybe have prevented. Train up a child, which you have certainly done!
Just wait!! Next Grandbabies.
Good job faithful servant ... the cutting of the strings and letting go can be frightening ... but when you've poured your heart and soul into these 'little people' they somehow have an advantage over neglected ones from disfunctional families. The test of time on their own and the traits they have developed along the path of life can carry them into the waiting arms of Jesus.
You and Dean have done well with daboyz. You have put them in God's hands from the very time they were born. Every parent makes mistakes and you are right, prayer covers them. You have used the right scripture about training up your children. God is faithful! It's His turn now.
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