Dear Husband,

The last few days as we have thought (and disagreed) and in the end loved and prayed together regarding marriage, I need this moment to re-center myself. Having been through marital problems that I can only describe as terrifying, I remain hypersensitive. By this I mean, when I consider similar pain in other couples, I find myself needing to cling a little more to the Mr., need to remember our healing, need to talk out loud about our love. I need to acknowledge God's miracle in us. This is not to brag or to judge anyone else. You see, pain can rise back up years later and sent you into panic. Fear can reassert itself, "You think you're safe?" And so I remind myself of what is true and real. And I worship as I do it. Thanks for humoring me. Grace, Sara

Sometimes I am completely enamored of you, even after all this time. I can't take my eyes off of you and I even hold your hand while you drive. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by my love for you, and yours for me, that I am not sure whether I should laugh or cry for joy.
But sometimes, I am too accustomed to our love. Or I am too distracted by life. Or I am too deep within myself with depression. Sometimes we are very well-suited roommates, cohabiting this space with nothing but best regards for one another if not passion. Sometimes, too, my husband, you aggravate me. I know full well that you realize certain of your habits get under my skin and there are times when this fact makes me furious. Sometimes you do not understand my thoughts, feelings and ideas and I feel entirely belittled. Sometimes I am not sure you see all of me, potential and failure all in one. I wonder if you know how smart and capable I am. I wonder if you know how stupid and incompetent I am. I wonder if you think about me when we're apart.
Sometimes, I fantasize about living alone. Probably shouldn't mention that, but there it is.
I have come entirely too close to leaving this marriage behind. In those times, you and I were always tugging at opposite ends. I was devoted and you were done with me. I was ready to leave and you were determined to hold on.
I know now what I need better than I used to and I am determined that you will understand me even when that understanding will reveal that I am rather crazy at times. I also know what you need of me, although I will not claim to always fulfill every need. To my shame, at times I know full well and decide not to.
Being of sound mind and body and aware that I am destined to fall more than I soar, I can promise you very little in this marriage. I will not always be pretty, kind and patient. I will often tell you I'm making dinner at 6 a.m. but then insist we eat out by 5 p.m. Your house is unkempt to say the least.
Shall we go there? I say we might as well. Sometimes you will feel romantic and I will not, and I will tell you very clearly that you are barking up an unclimbable tree.
I do, husband, promise you this. I will not leave. I will tell you when I feel my heart turning away. I will bare my soul to you and trust that you will deal gently with me. I will hear your heart but sometimes you will have to speak it aloud when I am being very dense. Never doubt that I still want to hear.
I can promise you that I will never be perfect. But today I know that God gave you to me and you are my greatest treasure. I promise to guard our love and to pray for us. I cannot write guarantees for happy endings. But I will believe in ours nonetheless.
This I can promise.

I love you.
Your Wife.

Proverbs 5:18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Tire-d

I had another post prepared for today but God changed my plans this morning.
I was driving to work down Eight Mile (yes, that's right on the D!). It was freezing and windy here in Michigan and at 7:00, still pretty dark. I had my Christian music station playing softly and I was in that auto-pilot mode we can get into driving familiar routes. Praise music in the background, paying just enough attention to be safe but not exactly on high alert. I was almost to work when things almost changed.
I noticed a red truck come around me and into the lane to my right. For reasons I only understood five minutes later, that truck seemed incredibly loud to me. I even looked over to see what kind of vehicle it was expecting a dump truck or garbage truck. Nope, just an ordinary old red pick up. I can remember thinking, "why is that thing so loud?" Rattling kind of loud. That old red rattling truck held my rapt attention as it passed me and drove just ahead of me one lane over. I kept an eye on it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.
It was only about ten feet ahead of me, us going 45 miles an hour when it happened. The rear driver's side wheel of the truck flew off bouncing at high speed right at me. The truck started swerving trying to gain control on three tires as sparks flew from the dragging left rear side. The tire bounced straight into my lane, right in front of me, right at me. I won't say I made critical driving decisions based on thorough consideration of my prospects. I didn't even feel that jump in my chest that these kind of situations normally cause.
I was over-ridden.
I slowed just enough to allow the tire to bounce in front of me and then drove under it as it flew through the air hitting the pavement behind me and bouncing again high above the ground to roll into the median still bounding and spinning. I pulled just a little left and away from that red truck as it swerved toward me and ultimately pulled over to the far right. I looked behind me to see only a few car lengths between myself and traffic; just enough space for the tire to bounce between cars and away from hurting anyone.
Remember last week when I joked about singing "Jesus Take The Wheel?" Well, he literally did today. He slowed me, he paced my travel, he guided my hands and even made my ears hear that mysterious rattle that was obviously the tire working loose.
The red truck pulled over and off the road without incident.
I don't know how much damage could have happened had the tire hit me. It was going pretty fast and bouncing pretty high. I know at the very least there would have been some repair work required.
I see Christ in these kind of moments. Moments when a few feet here or there could cause tragedy. I think about leaving for work a few minutes earlier and what that might have affected. I think about being so aware of that truck for no good reason.
Christ is ever at my side, and truly his angels stand guard.
I don't know that my life was spared from certain death, or maybe just my Edge was spared from a dented hood. That isn't what caused me to thank him as I pulled safely into the parking lot. It was simply that he was there.
He is so very there.

1 Samuel 2:9 He will guard the feet of his saints,but the wicked will be silenced in darkness "It is not by strength that one prevails..."

Dear God's Daughter

I'll begin by clarifying my source regarding my quotes in an earlier post; I was quoting a Christian family therapist who guests speaks on 103.5 in the mornings, specifically on Friday. And really, the statement, "Healthy relationship do not produce affairs." is not exactly a revelation.
I really do appreciate your addendum to your initial comment a few days ago, but be assured that I am not offended or angered by your thoughts. As I said, infidelity raises big emotions and it is hard to tame those emotions long enough to discuss this topic without someone getting upset. My thoughts, triggered by Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's current drama, were directed at the couple who has not experienced an affair. They were not advice to those seeking recovery. And certainly my words were not accusatory to those who have experienced this spirit-shattering pain. They were coming from someone who got closer to the edge than she ever thought she could and learned some lessons the hard way. They were from the heart of a woman who is determined to steer others away from the painful path she and her husband took before turning it around.
When the Mr. and I were in the middle of our worst days, believe me, I had no insight to figure out what was going on. I am now sixteen years beyond that time and if I had not learned a few things, we would not have made it this far. What I learned is that no marriage is affair-proof. No person is incapable of cheating. That, too, will upset some people. That's ok, it's the conclusion I've reached and it has held us together for a long time. In other words, this works for us. Maybe it will work for someone else.
Making a relationship affair-proof happens with purposeful action and knowledge that love and commitment can never be taken for granted. It happens when conversations are on the table way before someone is wondering about their spouse's loyalty. I still go through times in my marriage when I get lazy, get selfish, get depressed and I have to haul myself up on to my feet to keep guarding the thing that means more to me than life and that thing is my marriage. Yes, I guard my marriage. I am on the offensive. We have certain understandings, the Mr. and I, about how we do this. Personalized plans and preferences that we understand about one another. Ways to work through hard times or even just plain old cold times. Willingness to stretch ourselves to cover each other with grace even when we could point fingers in accusation.
All of this, I offer as food for thought to the marriage not rocked by an affair. All of this I recommend at the beginning of love when it seems that nothing could separate the two.
To acknowledge your life, it could be that your husband was in that number of people that will do what they will regardless of their wife's actions. And so, that woman, although devastated, can walk away with assurance that her life has honored God. And she can also know, like Job, that God will restore above and beyond all that she has lost. She will have pain but not regret. To have extended grace for so long while your husband was not honestly working with you is a credit to your spirit and to the heart of Christ beating in you. The heart that gives above and beyond and is willing to bleed out for the salvation of another. This is Jesus in us and even when it does not produce the results we hope for, it changes eternity.
That determination to guard our love will surely increase our chances to affair-proof our marriages. And when it fails it will give us the ability to pick up the pieces with dignity knowing that we hold no fault.
So it's ok, my friend, to be angry. To vent, to cry and yell and be shocked all over again all this time later that this is true. Having been broken myself, I am strong enough now to bear a little bit of your pain. And I know that as God brings healing to your heart, you will extend that strength to the next woman or man who needs to hear the wisdom you have learned. It is my prayer that we reach more of these people before they end up in the despair of learning about an affair.
Be peaceful, God's Daughter. You are loved.

Matthew 9:21-22She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed."
Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.

Settling In

Well, I finally got moved into my permanent home away from home, my new office. I am working on a unit with patients suffering from depression. A bit of a departure for me. Although I've had lots of experience with depressed patients, I've kind of been drawn to more psychotic cases. Let me tell you, things are a lot quieter in this new venue!
My new office is awesome. Can't wait to start really settling in and making it my own. It was formerly a patient room so it's rather spacious and I have my own bathroom! With a shower no less! I don't shower often at work but it's nice to have options. I've a large L-shaped desk with matching cherry book shelf. I had my phone installed today but I don't know what my number is. My internet is not up yet but should be by tomorrow. I do not love the blue walls but I'm thinking with some brown accents it'll be oh so chic.
So I'm sitting there in my executive chair soaking in my fabulous office with large windows. I'm thinking, this is great! I am going to love this! Then I looked up. This is how you know your office was a patient room in a psychiatric hospital; the spitballs remain on the ceiling. I think I'll leave 'em. Nice accent.

P.S. Yes, it's happening again. Back to the D tomorrow!

Revelations 3:16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

I Dug My Keys Into The Side Of His Pretty Little Suped Up Four-Wheel Drive

Kwame. How sick are you of this guy and his issues? I'm entirely sick of it. P.S., dear newscasters; please update this story if new info has come to light. Otherwise, move on!
Anyway, infidelity. Who would think that could be a hot-button issue? But let me tell you, it is. Can someone who is proven to be a cheater hold public office? How about someone who is proven to be a liar? A little closer to home, can a liar and a cheater remain in my life personally? As a friend? A relative? An acquaintance? A spouse?
Listening to the local Christian radio station yesterday morning there was a short segment featuring a Christian counselor who specializes in marriage and family issues. Her perspective was, in short, something bad was going on in the relationship before the cheating started. I agree. People don't like that perspective as a rule. People like to point at the cheater and decide it's black and white. Cheater=bad. Spouse=victim. True? Yes and no. And usually somewhere in between. I believe that there are people out there who are just downright bad. They are going to cheat no matter what their spouse does. They are the cheater=bad people. Let's put them to the side for a moment because for the sake this discussion, I am counting them in the minority.
We need to stop in the discussion of infidelity and try to put those great big emotions aside long enough to decide, what do we want to do? If miracles were guaranteed; what would we ask for? And even if the answer is that the "victim" needs to walk away from the marriage, isn't there still work that needs doing? Healthy relationships do not produces affairs. Period. So who was unhealthy? Maybe the cheater is the sick one. Maybe the "victim" is the sick one who made life so miserable they contributed to the affair. Probably both parties are sick. Somewhere, something went bad and that something is not seeing some hotty across a crowded room and the formerly faithful spouse goes nuts.
If you've been cheated on or cheated; my heart goes out to you. There are no words adequate to speak to that pain, it's soul pain. I am sorry.
But if you're not there, think about your relationship. If you suspected an affair, what would your response be? Would you ask around? Check phone records? Track mileage? Count call-offs at work? If the answer is yes to any of these, you need to get proactive. Why? Because you have already decided that you do not trust this person enough to flat-out ask the question and reveal your own fears. The first step toward that unhealthy marriage has already happened.
What would I do? Back in the day I would've done all the secret agent stuff, which usually leaves you with more suspicions than answers. Today? I'd sit the Mr. down in private and let him know what I was seeing and feeling. I'd give him the dignity of helping make things right and putting my heart at ease. I'd listen to what he was saying and tell him that if he was unhappy with me or tempted by someone else, it was safe to speak of it. Yeah, that might be a scary conversation. You're gonna have some butterflies if you try it. I know, believe me. But it's scarier to live days and weeks and years watching, wondering and ultimately chipping away at the foundation of your relationship over ideas that consume you.
If the marriage is going bad, you won't stop it by handling it badly. Get it out into the daylight if you really want to fix it. Otherwise, you just might be cheating yourself out of a sacred love.

2 Samuel 14:18 Then the king said to the woman, "Do not keep from me the answer to what I am going to ask you." "Let my lord the king speak," the woman said.

January 27, 2008

Proverbs 4:18 The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Firsts

1. A job that requires pantyhose and regular trips to the D.
2. A new nail polish that promises to last ten days, and almost makes it.
3. Not hating my hair on a daily basis and yet not having a pony tail.
4. Finding the right soap and moisturizer and conquering winter dry skin.
5. Staying up past 9:00 every night.
6. Keeping my bra on after work for up to three hours.
7. Donny being kenneled when we're not home and he likes it.
8. Smart Ones orange sesame seed chicken; not bad.
9. The Mr. getting up to leave for work and me not awakening.
10. Not catching all the sniffles and cooties I'm surrounded by so far this winter.

Dear Friends,
Yes, I made it to the D and home with no incident nor ax-kidents. Did not attend the afterglow however. The seminar ended right at the time of day in Michigan where it's still light but will become utter darkness in a matter of minutes. All things being equal I chose to tackle the return trip through the D back downriver with daylight at my back. Or shining into my eyes more accurately. Thanks for the prayers, truly they are appreciated. This week I start my official position in earnest, orientation over. So keep praying! Love you guys!

Renewing, Glowing & Praying Sans GPS

Ok kids! I'm off tomorrow to the aforementioned Behavioral Services Renewal in yet another location in Downtown D. Not to mention the promised afterglow! The event is from 8:00 in the morning until 5:00 p.m., then I guess the glowing officially begins.
The Mr. asked the GPS man for directions and I asked the Mapquest people. I am listening to the Mapquesters as they have never steered me wrong and the GPS man is the devil.
Most importantly, I have a brand new pair of black boots that I am wearing.
Commence with the praying. Specifically, no getting lost; no blizzards; no flat tires and/or car issues.
If you don't see a blog on Saturday morning, release the hounds!

1 Kings 19:7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you."

Un-Depressed

To find my self un-depressed.
It is not to find myself without disappointment or hurt feelings or fear. It is to find myself able to speak my hurt, face my disappointment and walk through my fear. It is to tell my husband what lays heavy on my heart, to cry without shame and to accept his apology, his comfort and his love without reservation. It is to allow myself to lay my head on his chest as he holds me and to let peace settle in.
It is not to stop loving food and wanting to over eat. It is to not need food to distract me from emotions too great to face. It is to eat slowly with pleasure and then to realize half-way through that I am satisfied. It is to have a snack before dinner and then to eat a smaller dinner. It is to eat breakfast and realize with amazement that I am not hungry until lunch time, to eat lunch and realize with amazement that I am not hungry until dinner time. It is to realize that I am not hungry because my emotions are not driving me to eat any longer.
It is not to have more friends. It is to be hugged and hear my name spoken and to look up with astonishment at this new understanding; I am loved. It is to receive love and conversation without feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. It is to believe that these people choose to be my friends and want my company.
It is not to be more spiritual. It is to stand in quiet worship to see what God sees in me. It is to breathe in acceptance unearned. It is to not sing along and yet to join in worship from within. It is to look on the faces of those worshiping and know I am one of them.
It is not to be beautiful. It is to be happy within this skin. It is to look older than some and younger than others because I am. It is to feel peaceful and it shows in my face. It is to not assume that others judge me harshly. It is to know that this is the body I occupy and it is prettier than some, uglier than others. It is to believe my husband thinks I am beautiful in pajamas without make-up and that is enough beauty for anyone to claim. It is to receive a compliment and believe that at that moment, that person finds me beautiful and to be grateful to be loved.
It is to sleep well and wake up without fear. It is to stay up late and not be exhausted in the morning. It is to love myself enough to take extra time to put on lotion at night and wear high heels with my jeans because I feel cute. It is to be annoyed but not enraged. It is no nightmares at night and no dread in the day. It is understanding new things and learning easier and meeting new people with confidence. It is knowing that for all that time, God was not disappointed in me nor did he turn his face away. It is understanding that it is not sin to be sad and that Christ hurts when I do. It is to feel redeemed and then redeemed again.
It is to become alive.

Psalm 4:1 Answer me when I call to you,O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

A word about the painting above by the artist, Ruth Greenup
The dancing lady is a Hebrew woman completely consumed in the Joy of God, in mid-air, worshipping Him in the Praise of the Dance. As I painted this painting, I often thought of the Joy of Miriam and the other women dancing in Joy, Praise and Thanksgiving to God after they, and Moses and all the people, crossed through the Red Sea on dry ground...and that God is the same for us today. This is a painting for all people. The dancing lady represents the Jewish people, the chosen people. And she also represents us all (every human on earth), partaking in the Life more Abundant that Jesus wants to give...Every person: His Chosen people, grafted in by Him.

Meltdown in 5, 4, 3....

This morning I had to drive to downtown Detroit to attend a four hour orientation at Henry Ford Hospital's main campus. The HR guy told me to park at a different site called One Ford Place and showed me on a little map where to park and to expect a shuttle pick me up there and take me to main. Well, this morning in Michigan it was, of course, snowing and nasty. So I left early and actually had a fairly easy drive in. Got there early to wait for the shuttle which I saw in the distance but it never came to where I was instructed to park and wait. So I call the security office which informs me that the shuttle never, ever comes there! I move my car, walk to the building and wait for the shuttle. It comes, I get on and make it to the main campus. Now there's a new challenge, finding the classroom I'm supposed to be at. Ten more minutes of aimless wandering and I'm there. I rewarded myself with a bagel and a cup of coffee.
After the four hour orientation, I found my way back to the doors where the shuttle arrives semi-annually. Ahh, but a new twist! Not all shuttles go to One Ford Place where my car is parked! Well, I've no choice but to board the first available shuttle and spend several minutes gesturing wildly at a nice foreign man to ascertain whether he will take me anywhere near my car if I ride his shuttle. Yes, I held up the Henry Ford Health System shuttle service for several minutes but I got to my car.
Walk, walk, walk through the snow to my car. Get in, turn it on...low tire gauge light comes on. Fabulous! Get out, walk around, all the tires look low to me. But I do know this, I AIN'T CHANGING NO TIRE HERE! Well, I ain't changing no tire anywhere to be frank. So I prayed and put 'er in drive.
Pulling out of the parking lot I realized, I know how to get home from here but not how to get to my new facility (which is located in a different ghetto altogether.) I was feeling half creative and half panicked and so decided I could surely find my way with my GPS and my street smarts. Guess what? Yup! Lost in a very unsavory area for roughly twenty minutes. With a low tire gauge.
Turned around and turned off the GPS which at this point is instructing me to take several maneuvers which I swear to you would have simply driven me in concentric circles. Found my way back to One Ford Place and on to the Lodge Freeway headed toward my house. Low tire gauge continues to shine.
Found my way on to I94 headed toward my house still unsure how to get to my facility from there. Then I thought, well if this tire(s) is low now, it will likely be entirely flat when I leave work this evening. And with the class and my lunch time, there is now only about two hours or so left in my day. And my head REALLY hurts.
I called the office of the person facilitating my orientation, got her voice mail and told her all my woes concluding that I was heading home to fix my tire and that I'd see her in the morning.
Yes, I made it home. Got out, walked around the car. All four tires look exactly as they did an hour ago in the One Ford Place parking lot. Either perfectly fine or flat. Not sure which. I think the Mr. can take it from here.
As I finally turned into my subdivision with a sigh of relief, I realized I was humming a little tune..."Jesus Take The Wheel"; ha!
P.S.; The Lord may speak through burning bushes and donkeys but he does not live in my GPS.

Job 30:13 They break up my road;they succeed in destroying me—without anyone's helping them.

Cloverfield Project

On Friday evening, the Mr. went out to eat and then to the movies with his band buddies. They saw Cloverfield and Mac tagged along. The Mr. and I had agreed to see a movie on Saturday. I was only semi-interested in Cloverfield and so did not mind him seeing it on Friday.
So Saturday comes and I'm thinking we can see the Bucket List. However, Jay wants to see Cloverfield and the Mr. remains fascinated by unanswered questions. Mac is coming along for a second viewing as well for reasons that remain unclear.
So we saw Cloverfield.
Does the thing have back legs or does it drag itself? Does it's mouth open up and down or side to side? Where did it come from? Is it an alien? What were those smaller things? What happens if you get bitten?
We are consumed.
Well, some of us are. I fear a third showing is in the near future.
I keep telling the Mr., it's not a real thing. There are no answers regarding history or future. It exists only within the movie.
We remain consumed.

Januuary 20, 2008

2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

Lovely...

1. Crawling into a warm bed with a book on a cold night.
2. The first sip of coffee in the morning, especially on the weekends.
3. Friends surprising me at work with a silly phone call.
4. Hot tea in the evening after work.
5. Donny laying on my feet while I blog.
6. Family pictures around my living room.
7. Thick white socks.
8. Sentimental jewelry.
9. Letters in the mail.
10. Coming home from work to find Mac has cleaned the house.

Falling In Love

So the Mr. and I are walking out of Carraba's after dinner. We step off the curb and it is one of those invisible highly slippery sheets of ice in the parking lot. The Mr. starts to fall. The Mr. weighs >250 pounds. I weigh < 250 pounds. The Mr. is the man. I am not. In the olden days the man would throw his coat over a water puddle so the lady did not wet her tiny feet.
My Mr. grabs me as he's falling and takes me down with him.
The two of us did the Scooby Doo shuffle trying not to fall with him ending up on one knee and me kind of on top of him.
We're quite the pair we two.
Afterward we sat in the car for a while watching other people fall on the ice. Good times.

Mark 15:19 ...Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him.

Afterglow

Apparently as a part of my new job I will be attending a Behavioral Health Renewal (which certainly I could use) and then an afterglow. I have never attended an afterglow and so I googled it and this is what I got. Looks like a giant green sandwich to me. Maybe you glow after you eat it.
I'm game.

Sneaky Snow

Just dropping in to say hello!
Adjusting to my new job and new schedule is still a work in progress. I'm really enjoying the new facility I am working at. I look forward to really settling in and figuring out what in the world I'm doing! Right now my schedule changes daily as I am orienting, leaving me ironically disoriented.
Yesterday we were warned about snow which never really materialized. Then this morning, when I'm supposed to be at work at 7:00 a.m., I walk out to find that promised snow piled high on my car. My usual 20 minute drive to work took forty minutes and I was just barely on time, I hate that. Plus the pleasure of cleaning off my car in dress slacks and loafers because I was caught unprepared and not dressed for snow removal. The Mr. would usually had cleaned my car but he started work early and got up late so he was on the run. I must say I am loving my new four-wheel drive and can't imagine living without it now. The biggest problem is the other drivers!
I hope everybody out there is warm and well and having a great week. Margie, thank you for the mascara, and I need a back-up tube! All the people forced to look at me all day thank you as well.
I'm gonna make me a cup of hot green tea and hunker down in my flannel pajamas for the evening. Daylight's coming and who knows what I'll find!

p.s. That pic is not my drive in to work. I was working too hard staying alive to snap a picture! It's a stock Google image.

Psalm 31:19 How great is your goodness,which you have stored up for those who fear you,which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you.

Because I Wasn't There!

Watched the movie "Signs" the other morning while I was getting dressed. If you haven't seen it, rent it. Good flick. The point is that aliens are invading earth and Mel Gibson is a widowed father trying to protect his two kids with the help of his brother, Joaquin Phoenix. There are some faith messages in there if you listen for them.
Anyway, in the movie the family ultimately boards up their house to wait out the invasion. Except just as the aliens arrive the brother realizes they have forgotten to board up the attic door, there is a way in to the house! Off they run to the basement where they soon realize, they have forgotten to board up the old coal shoot, there is a way into the basement! Then one of the aliens reaches his slimy claw down into the basement to grab the little boy. The lights are already out as the brother whacked the lone light bulb and broke it in an effort to wedge the basement door shut. Flashlights roll to the ground, noise, silence. We see dad holding his son who has asthma and is in the middle of a terrible attack. He can't breathe. Dad looks at his brother and says, "We forgot his medicine."
My point is this, does anyone else on occasion feel that without their presence their families would be so unprepared for life that aliens would walk right in and eat their brains?
I mean, I can picture myself smack in the middle of this movie yelling, "Don't forget the attic door!" "We have to block the coal shoot!" "Grab the inhaler!" "Be careful of the light bulb!" No wonder I'm so exhausted.
I'm just saying...

January 13, 2008

Ecclesiastes 3:14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Pet Peeves

1. Waking up on Saturday morning to a mess I didn't make.
2. People on the freeway driving 20 miles over the speed limit flipping me off.
3. Needy people.
4. Stepping in water in my stocking feet.
5. Donny's toys being lost under the couch.
6. People who are late.
7. Constipation.
8. Excuses.
9. Car trouble.
10. Self-indulgent pet peeve lists.

Yes You Can Has Cheesburger

Well, the end of the first week at my new job. It's been a great week. I have another week of orientation ahead of me and then some specific projects I've been invited to team up with administration on. I am sure the settling in to the daily role will happen over time. I'm so happy with where God has led me.
I also had dinner with my 3 Rehab homies last night. They brought me a sock monkey cake! I don't think my new co-workers will ever "get" me like these guys do. We laughed and laughed and hugged and ate and it was a great time. Plus Janet got me a table cloth as she remains concerned about the curtain I am currently using. Boy, do I love those guys. I haven't gotten used to not being with them yet. I like to think they are a little bit miserable without me...wink.
Please be in prayer for my parents, they are both very sick with bronchitis. My dad was hospitalized and is now home but not greatly improved yet and now my mom has got it. If she is not markedly better tomorrow, she may be admitted to the hospital.
Meanwhile, I'm gonna go read for a bit and then snuggle in with Donny. I plan on taking some new pictures and posting on him this week. He is approximately 6 feet long now and 260 pounds. Oh, the Mr. will be in on the snuggling as well but he's a bit under the weather and coughing a lot so I use Donny as a sneeze shield.
Hope you're week was great and apropos of nothing, it's the weekend so you can has cheesburger.

Here's Yer Sign

Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

This verse has been a true lifeline to me over the last month or so. Taking on this new job has required total faith that God will go before me and enable me to honor him. Deciding to return to school in the fall took a lot of wrestling with God about my potential and how HE wants me to use it, not how I want to get by just to survive. Admitting that I have a problem called depression wasn't easy, and asking for help was even harder. Leaving behind my comfortable happy job, giving up my free time to go back to school (p.s. I will be 97 when I graduate), breaking free of a life-long illness...truly God is doing a new thing and I only barely perceived it.
My first few days at work have been wonderful. Granted, I am orienting so I'll let you know what happens when I'm on my own! So far my biggest challenge is not getting lost within the facility. And so far I am lost most of the time. The people have been warm and welcoming to me. The first meeting I went to was a positive and upbeat experience. I have not had that feeling of being the fifth wheel or odd man out when sitting with everyone at lunch. And here was Christ proving to me that he prepares my path; the clinical director's office is adjacent to where I am sitting as I read policies and such. I noticed music softly playing and heard myself humming along, the song was "This Is The Air I Breathe." Possibly my favorite worship song. And he was singing along at his desk. It was like the Lord poked his head in the door and said, "Glad you're here! I've been getting everything ready!"
Then on the way in to work today driving down the freeway, I noticed a rundown little church on the service drive. With a run-down sign out front. And on the sign, clear as day it said this, "Behold, I do a new thing!"
Thank you Lord.

Gotta Getta BUN

I have a new coffee maker that I must highly recommend to you. It is a BUN. The claim to fame of the BUN is that is makes a full pot of coffee in just a few minutes. I only make about 4-6 cups at a time and it is done in less than one minute.
I don't know why this makes me so happy, but it does.
Viva Le BUN!

Think Of Me!

I'm gonna warn you right now that my blogging is likely to become scarce this week. I start my new job Tuesday and I expect to be very preoccupied trying to figure out what I'm doing. So pray for me and I'll try to keep you updated!

January 6, 2008

Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

This Weekend

1. Laundry.
2. Go out to lunch.
3. Church.
4. Shopping?
5. Reading.
6. Relaxing.
7. Take Donny shopping to buy a kennel.
8. Put away all my scrubs.
9. Iron clothes for next week.
10. Thank you notes.

Hey, Hey, Hey Good-bye

"Hello, this is _____, clinical nurse manager of Behavioral Services. May I help you?'"
"Yes, hi. My name is Sara Smith and I am interested in nursing opportunities at Wyandotte in psychiatry."
"Oh, yes Sara. How nice to hear from you...."
Insert long discussion of inpatient care and psychiatry here...
"How long have you been a nurse?"
"Well, here's the thing. I graduate next year."
"Oh. Well please call us back when you have graduated from nursing school."

And I did.

In 2004 as a brand new grad not having yet passed my nursing boards, I was hired by this great nurse manager to be a nurse in inpatient psychiatry. My passion. Two years later, I was given the opportunity to become Clinical Coordinator. A new manager had taken over then and took on the challenge of teaching me to be a leader, a supervisor and always a better nurse than I was yesterday.

Today was my last day. On Tuesday I start a new job. Wow, was it a rough day. You see, I didn't resign because I hate my job. No, I love my job. I love the people I work with and the patients I have cared for and the physicians I work with. I honestly had another opportunity for growth and challenge thanks to the wonderful experiences I've had at Wyandotte. And so I am moving on with lots of excitement about the future and tremendous gratitude for the past. I've been so very blessed. I remain in the debt of Behavioral Services, including that first nurse manager who I stalked for a year before I graduated. And my current nurse manager who encouraged, pushed and prodded me forward convincing me I could do new things.

So today at 3:00 I swiped out and handed my badge and keys in. I almost got to my car before the tears started. Happy/sad tears, if that makes any sense. I wish I could take all these wonderful people with me. I know God has great people yet to cross my path in my new position and I can't wait to meet them and get started. But for today, I sat in my car in the Wyandotte employee lot and cried for a little while. I am not used to the idea yet that I do not work there anymore.

So this is for you guys, nurses, MHAs, case managers, chem dep counselors, social workers, psychiatrists, secretaries, security and administration. To thank you for teaching me and allowing me to become the nurse I am today. For opportunities to move on and caring enough about me to hold my hand while I walk away. Thank you for dancing with me at the nurse's station and laughing until we cried. Thank you for running in to take-downs with me and keeping me safe. Thank you for spinning my chair around and wacking me with a stick when I got out of line. Thank you for kind words, hugs and letting me learn day by day without criticizing me. Thank you for telling me "We don't want you to go." and letting me go with hugs.

Dear 3 Rehab,
I love you.

Copying Kelly Again:40

1. I have come to realize that my butt: can be used as a buffet table in an emergency.
2. I have come to realize that when I talk: I can't take it back so I better be careful.
3. I have come to realize that I need: to stop tolerating being depressed.
4. I have come to realize that I lost: my black bra.
5. I have come to realize that I hate it when: people manipulate. Also when I can't poop.
6. I have come to realize that marriage: my anchor.
7. I have come to realize that work: is not my life, but I can still embrace it and be proud of it.
8. I have come to realize that I will always be: a nurse.
9. I have come to realize that I like: quiet.
10. I have come to realize that the last time I cried: Wed, December 26 when I finally asked for help.
11.I have come to realize that my cell phone is: my worst enemy.
12. I have come to realize that before I go to sleep at night: I always read and I love that time of day.
13. I am currently thinking about: finally not being depressed, someday.
14. I have come to realize that babies: grow up way too fast but just time.
15. I have come to realize that when I get on Myspace: I don't have an account so I can't see nothing.
16. I have come to realize that today I will: be gentle with myself.
17. I have come to realize that tonight I will: sleep well.
18. I have come to realize that tomorrow I will: feel better.
19. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Home.
20. What did you want to be when you were growing up? A special ed. teacher.
21. How many colleges did you attend? Two. Number three this fall.
22. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? Because it has a sock monkey on it.
23. If you could visit anywhere and take someone with you...I'd take Jay to England.
24. What errand/chore do you despise? Apparently all of them judging by my house.
25. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery? Yes!
26. What is your favorite cartoon character? Snoopy.
27. Are you planning on remaining in your current field? Yup.
28. Beach or lake? this question makes no sense to me...aren't their beaches on lakes? what she said.
29. What's your drink? Coffee.
30. Cowboys or Indians? My heroes have always been cowboys.
31. Cops or Robbers? Cops.
32. Who from high school would you like to run into? No one! See response to question #1.
33. Have you ever had to use a firearm? Yes. When I was a cowboy cop.
34. Last book you read? Physician's Desk Reference. sigh. And The Celiac Bible.
35, Do you have a teddy bear? No.
36. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? Aunt Sue's.
37. Number of texts in a day? Zero. Just the way I like it.
38. If you had to choose- would you start a new career or relationship? Career. I'd be a free lance rich person.
39. How many jobs have you had? Four.
40. Are you where you thought you would be at this age? No. Farther ahead doing different things. Ain't it a kick?

2008

We're spending a lovely, quiet New Years Day in our pajamas watching television and munching on left overs. Just dropping in to wish you all a joyous 2008!