Dear Husband,

The last few days as we have thought (and disagreed) and in the end loved and prayed together regarding marriage, I need this moment to re-center myself. Having been through marital problems that I can only describe as terrifying, I remain hypersensitive. By this I mean, when I consider similar pain in other couples, I find myself needing to cling a little more to the Mr., need to remember our healing, need to talk out loud about our love. I need to acknowledge God's miracle in us. This is not to brag or to judge anyone else. You see, pain can rise back up years later and sent you into panic. Fear can reassert itself, "You think you're safe?" And so I remind myself of what is true and real. And I worship as I do it. Thanks for humoring me. Grace, Sara

Sometimes I am completely enamored of you, even after all this time. I can't take my eyes off of you and I even hold your hand while you drive. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by my love for you, and yours for me, that I am not sure whether I should laugh or cry for joy.
But sometimes, I am too accustomed to our love. Or I am too distracted by life. Or I am too deep within myself with depression. Sometimes we are very well-suited roommates, cohabiting this space with nothing but best regards for one another if not passion. Sometimes, too, my husband, you aggravate me. I know full well that you realize certain of your habits get under my skin and there are times when this fact makes me furious. Sometimes you do not understand my thoughts, feelings and ideas and I feel entirely belittled. Sometimes I am not sure you see all of me, potential and failure all in one. I wonder if you know how smart and capable I am. I wonder if you know how stupid and incompetent I am. I wonder if you think about me when we're apart.
Sometimes, I fantasize about living alone. Probably shouldn't mention that, but there it is.
I have come entirely too close to leaving this marriage behind. In those times, you and I were always tugging at opposite ends. I was devoted and you were done with me. I was ready to leave and you were determined to hold on.
I know now what I need better than I used to and I am determined that you will understand me even when that understanding will reveal that I am rather crazy at times. I also know what you need of me, although I will not claim to always fulfill every need. To my shame, at times I know full well and decide not to.
Being of sound mind and body and aware that I am destined to fall more than I soar, I can promise you very little in this marriage. I will not always be pretty, kind and patient. I will often tell you I'm making dinner at 6 a.m. but then insist we eat out by 5 p.m. Your house is unkempt to say the least.
Shall we go there? I say we might as well. Sometimes you will feel romantic and I will not, and I will tell you very clearly that you are barking up an unclimbable tree.
I do, husband, promise you this. I will not leave. I will tell you when I feel my heart turning away. I will bare my soul to you and trust that you will deal gently with me. I will hear your heart but sometimes you will have to speak it aloud when I am being very dense. Never doubt that I still want to hear.
I can promise you that I will never be perfect. But today I know that God gave you to me and you are my greatest treasure. I promise to guard our love and to pray for us. I cannot write guarantees for happy endings. But I will believe in ours nonetheless.
This I can promise.

I love you.
Your Wife.

Proverbs 5:18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.