I Dug My Keys Into The Side Of His Pretty Little Suped Up Four-Wheel Drive

Kwame. How sick are you of this guy and his issues? I'm entirely sick of it. P.S., dear newscasters; please update this story if new info has come to light. Otherwise, move on!
Anyway, infidelity. Who would think that could be a hot-button issue? But let me tell you, it is. Can someone who is proven to be a cheater hold public office? How about someone who is proven to be a liar? A little closer to home, can a liar and a cheater remain in my life personally? As a friend? A relative? An acquaintance? A spouse?
Listening to the local Christian radio station yesterday morning there was a short segment featuring a Christian counselor who specializes in marriage and family issues. Her perspective was, in short, something bad was going on in the relationship before the cheating started. I agree. People don't like that perspective as a rule. People like to point at the cheater and decide it's black and white. Cheater=bad. Spouse=victim. True? Yes and no. And usually somewhere in between. I believe that there are people out there who are just downright bad. They are going to cheat no matter what their spouse does. They are the cheater=bad people. Let's put them to the side for a moment because for the sake this discussion, I am counting them in the minority.
We need to stop in the discussion of infidelity and try to put those great big emotions aside long enough to decide, what do we want to do? If miracles were guaranteed; what would we ask for? And even if the answer is that the "victim" needs to walk away from the marriage, isn't there still work that needs doing? Healthy relationships do not produces affairs. Period. So who was unhealthy? Maybe the cheater is the sick one. Maybe the "victim" is the sick one who made life so miserable they contributed to the affair. Probably both parties are sick. Somewhere, something went bad and that something is not seeing some hotty across a crowded room and the formerly faithful spouse goes nuts.
If you've been cheated on or cheated; my heart goes out to you. There are no words adequate to speak to that pain, it's soul pain. I am sorry.
But if you're not there, think about your relationship. If you suspected an affair, what would your response be? Would you ask around? Check phone records? Track mileage? Count call-offs at work? If the answer is yes to any of these, you need to get proactive. Why? Because you have already decided that you do not trust this person enough to flat-out ask the question and reveal your own fears. The first step toward that unhealthy marriage has already happened.
What would I do? Back in the day I would've done all the secret agent stuff, which usually leaves you with more suspicions than answers. Today? I'd sit the Mr. down in private and let him know what I was seeing and feeling. I'd give him the dignity of helping make things right and putting my heart at ease. I'd listen to what he was saying and tell him that if he was unhappy with me or tempted by someone else, it was safe to speak of it. Yeah, that might be a scary conversation. You're gonna have some butterflies if you try it. I know, believe me. But it's scarier to live days and weeks and years watching, wondering and ultimately chipping away at the foundation of your relationship over ideas that consume you.
If the marriage is going bad, you won't stop it by handling it badly. Get it out into the daylight if you really want to fix it. Otherwise, you just might be cheating yourself out of a sacred love.

2 Samuel 14:18 Then the king said to the woman, "Do not keep from me the answer to what I am going to ask you." "Let my lord the king speak," the woman said.