Dear God's Daughter

I'll begin by clarifying my source regarding my quotes in an earlier post; I was quoting a Christian family therapist who guests speaks on 103.5 in the mornings, specifically on Friday. And really, the statement, "Healthy relationship do not produce affairs." is not exactly a revelation.
I really do appreciate your addendum to your initial comment a few days ago, but be assured that I am not offended or angered by your thoughts. As I said, infidelity raises big emotions and it is hard to tame those emotions long enough to discuss this topic without someone getting upset. My thoughts, triggered by Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's current drama, were directed at the couple who has not experienced an affair. They were not advice to those seeking recovery. And certainly my words were not accusatory to those who have experienced this spirit-shattering pain. They were coming from someone who got closer to the edge than she ever thought she could and learned some lessons the hard way. They were from the heart of a woman who is determined to steer others away from the painful path she and her husband took before turning it around.
When the Mr. and I were in the middle of our worst days, believe me, I had no insight to figure out what was going on. I am now sixteen years beyond that time and if I had not learned a few things, we would not have made it this far. What I learned is that no marriage is affair-proof. No person is incapable of cheating. That, too, will upset some people. That's ok, it's the conclusion I've reached and it has held us together for a long time. In other words, this works for us. Maybe it will work for someone else.
Making a relationship affair-proof happens with purposeful action and knowledge that love and commitment can never be taken for granted. It happens when conversations are on the table way before someone is wondering about their spouse's loyalty. I still go through times in my marriage when I get lazy, get selfish, get depressed and I have to haul myself up on to my feet to keep guarding the thing that means more to me than life and that thing is my marriage. Yes, I guard my marriage. I am on the offensive. We have certain understandings, the Mr. and I, about how we do this. Personalized plans and preferences that we understand about one another. Ways to work through hard times or even just plain old cold times. Willingness to stretch ourselves to cover each other with grace even when we could point fingers in accusation.
All of this, I offer as food for thought to the marriage not rocked by an affair. All of this I recommend at the beginning of love when it seems that nothing could separate the two.
To acknowledge your life, it could be that your husband was in that number of people that will do what they will regardless of their wife's actions. And so, that woman, although devastated, can walk away with assurance that her life has honored God. And she can also know, like Job, that God will restore above and beyond all that she has lost. She will have pain but not regret. To have extended grace for so long while your husband was not honestly working with you is a credit to your spirit and to the heart of Christ beating in you. The heart that gives above and beyond and is willing to bleed out for the salvation of another. This is Jesus in us and even when it does not produce the results we hope for, it changes eternity.
That determination to guard our love will surely increase our chances to affair-proof our marriages. And when it fails it will give us the ability to pick up the pieces with dignity knowing that we hold no fault.
So it's ok, my friend, to be angry. To vent, to cry and yell and be shocked all over again all this time later that this is true. Having been broken myself, I am strong enough now to bear a little bit of your pain. And I know that as God brings healing to your heart, you will extend that strength to the next woman or man who needs to hear the wisdom you have learned. It is my prayer that we reach more of these people before they end up in the despair of learning about an affair.
Be peaceful, God's Daughter. You are loved.

Matthew 9:21-22She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed."
Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.