God's person~

Once you figure out who God intended for you to be, all of those obstacles and failures are revealed to be a shepherd scooting his sheep back onto the correct path. Or, as my partner at work and I like to say, "Stay in your own lane!"
God is revealing some things about myself to me that are long overdue for me to finally grasp. Everything about myself can be categorized as "good" or "not good." I can be introspective or antisocial. I can be a deep thinker or an intellectual snob. I can take pride in my appearance or be vain. I can be easy-going about my appearance or be lazy. I can be a dedicated employee or a workaholic. Same is true of everyone. Because satan is the accuser, taking everything about life and twisting into an ugly something that makes us ashamed of our very being. Don't laugh so loud! Why are you always so serious? On and on and on it goes.
What has often felt like my greatest shortcoming, though, is starting to be one of my favorite attributes lately. That's because I'm letting God give me a renewed mind and a new way of interpreting myself that is accusation free.
For instance, I am not not not a people person. People wear me out, people exhaust me. People make my bones feel dry. That doesn't mean I don't love people, it means that mostly, I love them from over here as opposed to up close. I means that while lots of you are planning for date nights and parties to enjoy your weekend, I am dreaming of a quiet house and watering flowers. That used to make me feel like a really rotten person. Like I didn't have a Christ-like heart. For years the devil had me thinking that I disliked people. And certainly someone with a heart like Jesus couldn't dislike people.
Well,I don't.
I don't dislike people.
But I'm wired for solitude. That means that an eight hour work day surrounded by co-workers and patients and visitors just about sucks the life out of my molecules. It is like what a people person might feel if they were isolated inside of a room for days on end. Exhaustion isn't a strong enough word.
God made me like this, and there is a purpose to it. For all of my life I've been a little off balance figuring out my purpose because I thought part of that purpose was to become more gregarious, like any good Christian must be. Years and years I've spent trying to be something that fit a better mold, that would make me seem a better person. Or taking the route of the sarcastic, negative and sardonic person. Now hear this. I am a tender-hearted, gentle, deep thinking, deeply loving person.
Who does better in solitude than a crowd.
At work, I've been taking on quality, investigations and risk issues in exchange for my partner, Natosha, taking on the direct supervision and patient care issues. Guess what? I feel like the weight of the world has been, if not lifted, then slightly shifted from my shoulders. I work in solitude. Me, a chart, a report, statistics, data and white board. Conversations happen one to one instead of in a staff meeting.
Natosha? She is one of those planning 1,000 activities every weekend people. So she is out there talking to everyone, holding meetings and spending her day surrounded by staff and patients. Her reaction is the same as mine. A weight has been lifted. For her, sitting in an office with a chart and statistics and a white board is torture.
Both of us had a lot of stress and even a little embarrassment at not embracing all of the aspects of our jobs but when we had honest conversations and revealed our hearts to one another, we found that we were created differently and there was no need to try to stretch our personalities beyond what the Lord had intended for us. I now have some thoughts about my career that I've never had before, I want to work in risk management, policy and law. I've been told that this is a waste because I'm such a good nurse. Yup, I am a good nurse. But I can be a good nurse without working on the floor and without supervising 20 people.
Do yourself, and the world, a favor. Tell satan to shut up. Take a moment, a day, a year, whatever you need and consider the possibility that the very thing that seems to be your downfall is the thing that defines your purpose. Is there some way that what you have called your weakness is an invitation to what is your strength -if embraced and celebrated for Jesus' use.
I will never again apologize for not being a people person. If I was, it would prevent me from being God's person.
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