The Farm Revisited...33 years gone by.

So here it is, The Farm as it looks today with guests living in it (wink.) I haven't seen it since we pulled away in the darkness after saying good bye to our California family who had been living there for the last year. It was in the car on the ride home that I learned that The Farm was being sold. And the last time I saw it.

Since then, nothing has prevented my return to see how The Farm was doing without me but I couldn't. Silly, huh? I wasn't ready...for 33 years apparently! Then this year after checking out of the National House Inn during our anniversary trip, the Mr. said, "let's go find the farm." And I was ready. Only, having not been there in 33 years I didn't know where it was! All I knew was the city of Addison and Devil's Lake. Devil's Lake was where we'd go swimming during the summer. So we entered Addison into the GPS and when we hit the city limits we followed the signs to Devil's Lake (so deep in the middle it went all the way to hell. True story, my grampa told me so.) The once public beach is now occupied by Lakeview Condominiums. Behind the Lakeview sign is the grocery store where my gramma put me in the cart and then ran up and down the aisles, ultimately tipping the cart and dumping us both onto the floor. Gosh, she was just about my age then. We circled the lake as I tried to channel my six year old self and figure out how to get from there to The Farm. With nothing more than instinct, believe it or not, I found it.

And unlike most childhood memories, it looked just like I remembered, albeit with bigger trees and the wrong people living there! I had a hard time not making the Mr. drive up the long drive way and turn right to park at the back door. The picture that shows the corner of the house? The window at the back on the second floor was my bedroom.

We drove home down the familiar road passing many of the same land marks I used to watch for to gauge our closeness to The Farm or back home again. The Prehistoric Forest is for sale. The Stage Coach Stop was closed for the season, and being auctioned for good. This, by the way, is where the Mr. was photographed with Paul Bunyan. I almost had him convinced to climb the fence into the old park but he thought better of it.

The Irish Towers where there was a crocodile hanging in the staircase was vacant and sad looking. Apparently today no one is amazed by tall buildings or scenic views of farm land.

The Dairy Queen we never stopped at is there ("you don't need ice cream!") as was the Mc Donald's we never stopped at ("we're almost there and you can have a sandwich!") The small towns were there. I think some of the fear that had settled into me was that it would all be erased. But it waited, maybe for me to say good bye without tears?

As we sat in the truck on the dirt road in front of The Farm, the sadness never came back from that day so long ago. The dreaded dissolving into the ugly cry didn't happen. This time there were no tears. Just thankfulness, happiness and peacefulness. The bumpy road felt entirely familiar and the farms spread out from ours to the highway seemed like they had been held still for all this time. Somewhere along the line between 1975 and today, The Farm returned to its rightful place in my heart...a place of love and joy.

As we rode from Devil's Lake to The Farm I remembered the deep sleepiness after a day of swimming in the cold lake and laying on the hot sand. There would be hot dogs and potato chips for dinner, eaten still wearing a bathing suit that was now dry and warm against my skin. I told the Mr. I was pretty impressed with myself for finding my way since most of my experience was from the back of an El Camino! I found my way there, but that had never been a problem.

As we pulled away from The Farm, I knew the way back to the highway too. Turn right, turn left, turn right...

In all the ways I needed it to be, it was the same. Even the same peace and happiness and belonging to this place where the residents have no idea I ever visited. But now I know that I was visiting.

I know the way home now too. And the roads that used to carry me in the wrong direction with sadness in my bones carried me home this time.

We pulled into our new old driveway and my joy was the same joy as that long old gravel drive once brought me. We opened the door to home and it felt just as sweet as The Farm.

To everything, a season.

Can't See The Forest

So the other day, Trish asked when we put up our Christmas trees. The Friday after Thanksgiving for me. Except uh, this year. Actually this year we went with Election Day. I am still not sure how this happened. I am a firm believer in not starting the holidays too soon. The Christmas season HAS to start after Thanksgiving!

So..what happened?

Mac and I were doing some yard work and then doing some attic exploration and then doing some garage arranging and then...the tree was up. Actually, two trees. And almost lights in the shrubs but there was no electrical out let (how can that be in the home of an electrician?)

In our defense, in the garage was my grandma's Christmas tree that I claimed for our living room when no one else wanted it because this year we have a living room and a family room so I wanted a tree in each room. So we dragged it in to the living room on a whim. But the lights were wonky so we took them off and put on new ones which looked very pretty. And then, why not put her old ornaments on her tree that we inherited? OK! And then, let's go into the attic and get gramma's tree topper! OK! And then in the attic, there's gramma's little table-top tree still decorated from last year (put up just before she passed.) Well! Let's take that downstairs too! OK!

And let's put it on the table and leave her own topper on her own little tree!

OK!

And, and, and...

And now we have two Christmas trees in the living room and it isn't even Thanksgiving. And we still have to bring our own tree here from our old old house for the family room.

And, um, did I mention we're painting the living room? Where we already put two trees up?

So!We put our Christmas tree up whenever Mac & I are left home alone with no one to stop us.

Updates

As you may have noticed, I've updated the lay-out for Thanksgiving. I always say I'm going to do this seasonally so we'll just see about that when it's Christmas time! I'm wondering if my scripture at the top is making it look like I'm not posting? I'm leaving it there anyway 'cause I like it! And check out my new pic, that's right folks, it's me wearing my Dem Donkey Dress courtesy of my grandma. I figure it's a nice nod to the president-elect. Scroll down for our first Thanksgiving. Glory days, yeah they'll pass you by.


We have closed on our new old house and now we turn to decorating. I think I have my plan all settled but money and time will dictate the process. Actually, my new blog colors reflect our first project-the living room. The back ground color is pretty close to the wall color I've chosen. I'll take some pics as we go along, hopefully finishing next weekend. We're starting with this room because it's the least expensive/least amount of work. We might tackle the bathroom next for the same reasons. Most of our plans require little more than some spackle (that's a word, right? spellcheck keeps highlighting it.) and paint. The family room/kitchen will be the biggest undertaking as it is trapped in the past, the distant past. Dark paneling on the walls, dark cabinets, blue carpeting. We're saving to have hard wood floors put in so that's a project for further down the road.


Once we've finished the living room and hopefully the bathroom, it'll be time to swing into Christmas with decorations and going back to the old old house to gather up the tree and ornaments. This will be our first Christmas with a fireplace upon which to hang our stockings so I'm thinking Santa will be particularly pleased with us. I hope he gives us gift certificates to Lowe's and Home Depot!


Meanwhile, here's a pic of the Mr. with Paul Bunyan taken on our anniversary trip. You might remember his photo op with the Holy Family a few years back. He's connected like that.



Numbers 13:33 And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.

November 9, 2008

Psalm 68:24-26 Your procession has come into view, O God, the procession of my God and King into the sanctuary. In front are the singers, after them the musicians; with them are the maidens playing tambourines. Praise God in the great congregation; praise the LORD in the assembly of Israel.

TONIGHT

1. The

2. Mr.,

3. The

4. Guys,

5. And

6. The

7. Girl

8. Singer

9. At

10. Baxters!

3000 Van Horn Rd.; Trenton

7:30 p.m.

Attached to Metrosouth...Valet Conestoga parking available.

When I Finally Talked To Him

"Have I betrayed you?"
What?
"Have I betrayed you? Is that why you are afraid? Because I have betrayed you?"
Well, no. I mean, I don't know. No. I don't think so. You wouldn't betray me so that must not be it.
"Are you sure I wouldn't betray you?"
I'm sure. I'm sure. Never.
"Never?"
No. Never.
"Then why are you afraid?"
Because I don't love you enough. I don't think of you constantly. I don't talk to you about important things. I don't pursue after you. I don't try to make myself pleasing to you. I deserve to be betrayed.
"Still, have I betrayed you?"
No.
"You deserve to be betrayed. Do I deserve to be called unfaithful?"
Silence.
"You have taken my name. You say you are mine. You say there is a beautiful passion between us. Do I deserve such an ugly accusation? Betrayer. Unfaithful."
Silence.
"Stop it. Sit down and be still. And stop it. You are not afraid of the dozen things on that list that keeps you up at night. Every one of those things represents my faithfulness. If I do not betray you, your list cannot harm you."
Okay.
"Now, have I betrayed you?"
No.
"So why do you believe I will?"
I don't believe it. But I forget to remember. You haven't betrayed me.
"There is no list of many fears. There is only one fear, that I will betray you."
You won't betray me.
"Are you sure?"
Yes.
"That's my girl. You know what?"
What?
"We have a beautiful passion."


Isaiah 54:5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

Written 10/13/08

Welcome Home, September 14, 2008

It's getting close. The house is almost ours. We've been squatting here for a few months now. We moved in late winter as a kind of win-win thing for my mom and for us. We got to enjoy the large family room and space and she was relieved of care taking and worry. And it was an opportunity to live here before we officially bought it from her, a kind of test run.
But now we are within weeks of actually owning this house. When we first decided we would buy it my gramma was still alive, although we knew her time was short. She always seemed to insist that someone in the family should buy the house when she passed. And in God's good timing, the gift fell to us. We told her that when she was gone, we would live here. Although she was largely confused in those days, I think it made her peaceful.
After her funeral, family was in town and we all ended up here, in the family room. Dark outside the family room in the cold November night our faces reflected in the lights of the windows. The furniture and wall hangings still hers, my grandma's. Her scent still in the air. So very familiar, this being here in the dark evening with warm lamps in the corners. Hot tea for every one, as it has always been. A time to visit before people headed back home, a time for they who do not live here to walk through the rooms and touch the walls. To look at the graduation pictures of the grand children in the hallway. To hear the floors squeak and remember, remember, remember. Everyone knew we were going to buy it and they were happy for us. Happy that the house was not going away from us. Happy that we would enjoy it. Happy that gramma and grampa would be happy. I felt then that I was the keeper of this house. I told them that I would change very little. Robby told me to make it my own. That they were fine, time could move on for them.
That was in November and we intended to move in after the sale was complete. Mac moved in to take care of the place but moved back with us after a few weeks. Lonely. bored. Missed the computer.
In March, we felt it was time for us to visit our new home. We moved a bit at a time. Just enough for tonight and then this week and then a month and then here we were. My mom had the bedrooms painted because they needed some plaster repair anyway and we picked the paint colors. Taupe in the front room. Pistachio green in our room. Step one, that room is definitely no longer gramma's. She'd hate it.
We sat in the L-shaped furniture arrangement and thought about it. And moved it. Step two, the family room furniture was entirely changed. Dean bought a new television. Step three, gramma's family room has a giant plasma television.
I was cleaning one day and dusting around the edges of her wall hangings and thinking for the first time about what I would hang instead. In other words, somewhere along the line I start replacing theirs with ours. Then I reached up and took the picture from the wall. And another. And another. And all the pictures in the kitchen and family room came down. Step four. My mom took the blue plates off of the living room wall, step five.
Last week my sister took my gramma's blue Queen Ann couch from the living room. We moved in our brown sofa and love seat and chair. And today, Sunday September 14, I sat in the living room alone while the Mr. and Daboyz watched football in the family room and read a few pages of a book. Then I fell asleep for about an hour.
Step six. The living room did it. I never spent much time there, it was mostly used for my gramma when she wanted to watch a different show than my grampa. It was formal and elegant, like her. Then it was spartan and disorganized while we used it as a sorting space. Then it became mine. Comfortable to me. Different, nothing to reflect what it had been except the reflections in my heart. Over-sized heavy furniture. Pictures of the family everywhere. A lamp made from a coffee grinder that I found in my Grandma Trent's basement. It doesn't look the same. It doesn't feel the same. A Sunday afternoon nap with a dog on the couch happened in my house.
It was the first change I didn't worry about making and meeting with my mom's or the family's approval. I didn't feel that I'd wiped away their fingerprints. I just moved in heart completely.
Step six. This is my home.
They were always so happy when I walked through the door. I know that they sit at the feet of Jesus now. But today, I think my grampa said, "Welcome home honey."

As of October 29, 2008, we are "officially" home.

If You Are Reading This From Your Home Computer, You're Not Poor

I recently saw a political blurb that said, "Shouldn't we spread the wealth around?" I'm no dummy, I'd love for somebody to spread some wealth in my direction. Because then I could buy some stuff, and I loves me some stuff. Oh, and I could do a lot of good for people in need. And buy them some stuff as well. Or give them my old stuff after I buy new stuff. What the world needs now is stuff sweet stuff.

It isn't realistic to think that the wealth of the world will ever be spread around. Jesus said that there would always be poverty. And let's be honest, as long as there is a line six people deep in the middle of the day at Starbuck's; we are not living in the second depression. There are people who truly struggle at the cost of their health or even their lives for lack of money. Somehow we have painted the entire country with a broad brush as though that is the standard under which we all live. Bull. I know about the Starbuck's line because I was number seven waiting for a white chocolate mocha.

I dare not call myself one of the poor and very few of us could. What we are is so abundantly blessed that we think living with ugly wall paper in the bathroom because we don't have money for a redo is being poor. Shame on us. And yes, I realize that Starbuck's money would pay for paint. That's my point, we think we are poor if we have to choose between Starbuck's and house goods.

I remember twenty years ago when we were at our lowest financial point. I've told you about the grocery conversation, "What is the least you need...?" And I will tell you this today, I was not poor. I felt poor, that's for sure. But I had parents and grandparents and family and friends who would've fed us and sheltered us if necessary. And if there is help, you're not poor.

Poor is starvation not budgeting.

So we aren't all poor. And we aren't ever going to all be wealthy. Maybe the folks who make a certain salary shouldn't be responsible to pass the money on. Maybe we aren't all going to have the best health insurance. Maybe some people could be striking a balance somewhere between poor and wealthy by their own behavior and choose to sit by waiting for taxes to make up the difference. There aren't that many of us who can't make better decisions. And if we're making the best decisions, maybe it's ok if we have to go to the health department for our kids vaccinations because our insurance doesn't pay for it. You're not poor because you have to go to the department of public health. You're poor when there is no department of public health.

There will always be poor people. We've lost the ability to define poor. We've lost the determination to not be poor. We were born from people who lived and died poor because their work accomplished nothing more than a promise for grandchildren they'd never see to be less poor.

Let's be careful not to so quickly be convinced that the government needs to fix us. The one who saves us owns us. I don't know exactly when we stopped considering America the land of opportunity but I suspect it began somewhere in a room where people started trying to figure out how to "spread the wealth" instead of spreading the opportunity.

Yes, the economy is bleak. I live in no less fear than you. But I am ashamed to become a country that cannibalizes itself in battles about whose responsibility it is to take care of "me."

Some of us will always be poor. Some of us will always be wealthy.

Most of us live in the balance. Instead of waiting for someone to spread the wealth in our direction, maybe it's time to consider our blessings for what they are. The wealth of God that we should be offering to feed those few among us who are truly in need.

And let the one who saves us own us.

Matthew 19:21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

The Trip

After our anniversary trip last week we had much to do 'round the new old house so my blogging has been on hold. And in case you hadn't heard, The Mr., The Guys & The Girl Singer will be at Baxter's Saturday....

So we went to Battle Creek (romantic vacation destination of the stars) and to Marshall. The Mr. was feeling like doing a little bit of exploring and although there was nothing spectacular happening in Battle Creek, we had a beautiful hotel room with a jacuzzi and it's a relatively pleasant town so that's where Sunday evening was spent. We ate at Cracker Barrel. No candle light but I think I recall kerosene lanterns on the tables. I had the chicken and dumplings, he had the roast beef. We are simple folk.

Actually, on the way to Battle Creek we stopped in Marshall to have the Shueler's Sunday brunch, which was as always, fabulous.

On Monday we proceeded back to Marshall to our yearly National House Inn B & B stay. It was wonderful just like we knew it would be. We stayed in the same room, the Brooke's Suite, with the fireplace and the claw foot tub. Being a Monday there were only two other rooms booked and we had the entire wing of the second floor to ourselves. We played Chinese Checkers and Yahtzee in the up stairs sitting room and went to a local pub for burgers for dinner. And I indulged in my dirty little secret, I love beer. There, I've said it. Actually, I have never had beer but I love O'Doul's and I had that with my bar burger. We really live on the edge. The Mr. does not like beer or any facsimile thereof so he had a diet. We bummed around downtown Marshall and I'm sad to say that like the rest of the country, our little anniversary town is feeling the economic slump too. The first year we went to Marshall we ate at Georgio's, now out of business. Last year we ate at the Midtown Grill, also now out of business. More than a few of the antique shops are empty and "for lease" signs out number stores on Main Street. We struggled to find a restaurant to have dinner at after Shueler's. In fact, it was the pub attached to Shueler's that we ended up in for bar burgers.

The coffee shop in the back of the funky clothing store is gone.

The gourmet food shop is gone.

Georgio's and the Midtown Grill (where I received my second ring) are gone.

And in a way, so go our touchstones. We peeked in the windows and were sad for the people wmet there, who made our last three anniversaries so extra special.

The Mole Hole, our favorite Marshall stop, is still there I am happy to report. They are a sort of glorified Hallmark store with unusual items and half of the place is dedicated to Christmas. Every year the Mr. buys my mom, my sister and myself a charm to add to our necklaces. They are discs with a word on them like "love", "family", etc. This year we each got one that says "daughter" and I got my special one..."commitment." Daughter seemed appropriate since both of the grandmas have passed in the last year, but my mom is still a daughter.

We always buy a Christmas ornament at the Mole Hole, my favorites being Christopher Radko. I never get tired of them, they seem so wintry magical to me. Don't ask me what that means, it's just true. This year is was an ornament shaped like a bag of coffee beans. Last year was a shiny taco to symbolize our Christmas Eve Mexican tradition.

I also got a plaque for my office, "I have flying monkeys and I'm not afraid to use them."

I bought some Lavender bath salts from another favorite, Serendipity, and took a long soak in the claw foot tub and fell asleep with the fireplace keeping us toasty in the old brass bed.

On Tuesday we enjoyed the complimentary breakfast in the antique-filled dining room. The usual fare; waffles, quiche, home made bread, fruit and strong coffee served on old china and with linen napkins.

All of this probably sounds like a terrific bore but when October rolls around it seems to be just what we need. We never stroll down Main Street making plans for cruises or resorts next year. We always end up talking about Christmas plans and painting the kitchen and the stuff that makes up our boring lives the other 51 weekends a year.

As we were leaving the Inn keeper waved us off saying, "See you next year for number 23!" I hope so. With God's grace, we'll check in to the National House Inn and drop our bags in the Brooke's Suite before heading out to Main Street for a chilly stroll and a bar burger. I pray that in a year the "for lease" signs will be gone and that families will have found a way to once again open businesses and coffee shops. I hope there is a light on inside of Georgios and we can snuggle up at a table for two in the tiny dining room.

I hope that the Mole Hole is still there, although I could purchase an ornament anywhere. I want my 2009 ornament from the same place as the rest of my anniversary collection.

We are equal parts extravagantly blessed and terrifyingly fragile.

Deuteronomy 4:40 Thou shalt keep therefore his statutes, and his commandments, which I command thee this day, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days upon the earth, which the LORD thy God giveth thee, for ever.

November 2, 2008

Isaiah 58:8 Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy reward.

Health Fixes I'm Working On

1. Eat more slowly, chew more thoroughly.

2. Eat 1/2 meals when dining out.

3. Drink 16 ounces of water right after my last cup of morning coffee.

4. Stretch.

5. Read my Bible daily.

6. An apple 10 minutes before lunch.

7. Breakfast.

8. Wearing a hat when it's cold.

9. Breathing properly ie deeply enough.

10. Get a physical.

The Funk Of 40,000 Years

The Mr., The Guys & The Girl singer getting funky at Baxter's on Saturday, November 8 @ 7:30.



3000 Van Horn Road, Trenton, MI

*attached to MetroSouth Church...Billy Jean is NOT our lover.

Band On The Run

The Mr., The Guys, & the Girl Singer appearing at Baxter's on Saturday, November 8 @ 7:30 p.m.

3000 Van Horn Road, Trenton

*attached to MetroSouth Church...offering 50 ways to leave your lover.

The Darlings of The Kremlin!

The Mr., The Guys & The Girl singer coming soon to the best coffee house on the communist block...Baxter's~3000 Van Horn, Trenton on Saturday, November 8 @ 7:30.

*attached to MetroSouth Church...Tsar "who ate my Fabrege' egg?" Jeremy, lead pastor.

The Best Sitar Music Downriver!

The Mr., The Guys & The Girl Singer at Baxter's~3000 Vanhorn, Trenton

Saturday, November 8 @ 7:30.

*attached to MetroSouth Church...curry latte is our specialty.

They're Hot Like The Chilli Pepper!

The Mr., The Guys & The Girl Singer will be returning to Baxters on Saturday, November 8 @ 7:30 p.m.!

3000 Van Horn Road

Trenton

*attached to MetroSouth Church, come on salsa for Jesus.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Job 8:5-7 But if you will look to God and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your rightful place. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.

Another Today Today

1. Overcast.

2. Sweatshirt weather.

3. Baseball cap.

4. Dirty dishes in the sink....grrrrrrr.

5. New couch?
6. Packing.
7. Need to eat veggies and fiber; wanna guess why?

8. Relaxed.

9. At home pedicure this evening.

10. Happy.

Today

What is today? Today is Friday and it has taken forever to get here! Today is the last day before my 22nd honeymoon. Today I'm wearing fabulous boots and a cute jumper my sister gave me. Today I am wearing my hair down which I never do.Today is a good day at work because I get to cover my unit plus another one that I love. Today is Autumn and cool and not as cold so I wore a shawl to work. Today is another back on my diet and I mean it day. Today is 11:30 in the morning and I've had several laughs with co-workers. Today is feeling easy inside myself. Today I remember last Sunday at church as the best Sunday in a very long time. Today is in love. Today is looking forward to the Mr., the Guys and the Girl singer getting ready for November 8 so it's front and center at our house. Today is having a set of friends I didn't have five years ago and loving them. Today is being the oldest ones in our circle of friends and being ok with that. Today is a week away from a dream coming true (actually five days or so.) Today is not making my bed before work because Donny wouldn't get out of it. Today is wearing one of my grandma's necklaces.Today is reminded that I am really good at my job. Today is not thinking about stuff that worries me not because I'm avoiding but because today, I am letting God have it. Today is trying not to eat the candy on my desk. Knowing the best way to avoid eating the candy is not to keep it on my desk but keeping candy on my desk anyway.

Today is raining on the way home and having thin crust veggie pizza for dinner and watching a DVD.

Today is a good day.

What is your today?

Deuteronomy 4:39 Know therefore this day, and consider it in thine heart, that the LORD he is God in heaven above, and upon the earth beneath: there is none else.

Speaking Of Communication: Lunch At Work

Me to Kevin: I have these two ferns in my truck I need you to go carry them in for me.

Kevin to Me: I am not carrying anything in for you but why do you have two ferns in your truck anyway?

Me to Kevin: I had them on my deck but it got too cold so I brought them in and put them in my bathtub. My Husband doesn't want them in the bath tub so I am bringing them in for my office. Now go out there and carry in my ferns!

Jan (who has been quietly eating her soup): Carry in your turds?