Pray For Israel

I had a sweet little post ready for this evening but the Lord has another use for this space. There is much to distract us this evening, from the celebration of opportunities to the mourning of those lost. This is not what heaven is looking upon as God surveys the earth. His eyes are on his chosen.

Pray for Israel tonight.

Joshua 10:13-14 And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day. And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the LORD hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the LORD fought for Israel.

Here Is The Church

Church has changed for me. Or I have changed for church. I love church like I always have but it is much less a central part of my life than it once was. I don't feel guilty about that. But I do worry sometimes that I should feel guilty. We used to spend a lot of time physically at church. Teaching Sunday School, youth, volunteering. There early and staying late, we had our own keys to come and go. I organized the Christian Education department for years. The Mr. was the Music Director. When we weren't at church, we were with our church family or on the phone with them or planning an event.

When I became a nurse, by necessity I had to readjust the position of church in my life. I was working weekends for the first time ever. It was really hard to suddenly not be attending every weekend. Around the same time we started attending a new church. Maybe that was part of the "problem." Less opportunity to attend and not knowing anybody. Truthfully, I was not sad to have this change. Church had worn me out. Our new church did not have the traditional Sunday evening and Wednesday night services and I was glad. They had life groups, encouraging us to gather in homes to study and fellowship. We tried life groups. I believe we tried life groups five times and led about half of them. I don't like life groups. We forced ourselves to submit to the Metro's philosophy for a few years before we decided, no more life groups for us.
After thirty seven years of salvation and church attendance, I have no choice but to pursue God more for myself and stop depending on the church. The sermons rarely reveal a new truth to me. Yes, for a long time I did exactly what you are thinking I should do. I taught. And I loved it. But that season came and went too.
There are a lot of things about The Church I could criticize but that's not really the issue here. I am not less churchy because of bitterness or disappointment. The maturity gained from thirty seven years has already taken me through that phase and out the other side. On the other side is tremendous peace. Peace that the words or decisions of the Church People no longer keep me up at night. Peace that I can usually forgive in real time, as the offense happens. A result of those thirty seven years. Peace that I can know what things are my responsibility and what things are not, and to mind my own business. Peace that teaching can happen in a million different ways that are informal and title-free. Peace that learning can happen when I'm driving to work with the radio off and God has replaced a guy behind a lectern.
I have peace that in all of those church relationships that used to be held together with constant contact, we have come full circle. We see each other rarely and keep tabs on one another constantly. We love eternally. We do not hold each other's feet to the flames for blunders but hold each other's lives to the throne for anointing. Now that I have internal permission to find my own way, I have learned to love and be loved in freedom.
Today when people ask where I go to church, I say Metrosouth. Because that is the building that houses The Church. But in truth, I go to church continually. After all these years, the sermons that no longer challenge have been replaced by sermons preached in blizzarding skies and tangible joy that overtakes me when I quiet myself before my King. I am changed by the sermons that ring from memories of provision that have redefined memories of hardship. I am lifted up by sermons whispered from old ladies in the hospital who grab my hand in their gnarled fingers and say, "You have a blessed day Baby."
And what of worship? Mmm. Worship has worn so many robes in my life. The worship of a little girl who doesn't comprehend the miracle of salvation but acknowledges God out of obedience. The worship of a teenager trying to channel the angst and drama of her emotions into a power to touch God. The worship of a desperate young mom begging God to look in her direction. The worship of an adult grateful for safe passage thus far. Today I wear the worship of a woman continually astonished at the discovery of God in life. No longer do I journey to church to find him and try to store up enough to last until the next time. Worship has replaced the list of fears I used to share in prayer. It has become the larger part of my relationship with God, outbalancing the begging for help. I have become a woman who repents by worship, petitions by worship, asks by worship, loves by worship. I have found that fear cannot remain in the presence of my worship and so...I worship.
I don't sit in church as often as I used to. I hold no title. I am unofficial in every sense. Those who attend the same building as I might tell you that I am drifting. That I am a pew warmer. Although without my bottom in the pew, I doubt I could even claim that. Sometimes the enemy tells me that church has died for me. That is a lie. What has happened is that church has enlarged for me. Like a marriage that has stood the test of time, the bride sees her husband's love in the snow he clears, the wrinkles that have appeared in the years he has stood by her, the gentle kiss in passing. I am no longer a newlywed who is in need of reassurance. I know who I am in Christ. Who I am in The Church matters very little.
This church of mine no longer has walls or official times. The worship, learning, fellowship and service are continuous and without schedule. This church meets in India sometimes or Nothern Idaho or Pennsylvania; that's right. Some days this blog is my church. My church does not have choir robes, its members wander in wearing hospital gowns, jeans, pajamas and often a Scarf. My church does not have a song service because it sings constantly although not always out loud and not always in words. My church has no by-laws, only honest self-examination and grace spoken here. My church family is huge and includes Christian men and women who honor me with their wisdom and mentorship, friends who meet me for coffee and admit that they sometimes can't stand The Church. My church family are gays, childhood friends, atheists, old people, little kids, schizophrenics, drug addicts, missionaries, prostitutes, back-sliders, seekers and deniers. When you remove the walls, anybody can walk in to your church.
I love church. The Church and my church. I don't know how long this season will last for me. It is a glorious freedom to find that I am the church after all and also a grave responsibility to see to it that this doesn't become laziness. After all, no one is keeping track of the books in this church.
This is Sunday morning and I am attending church. Right now. I'm wearing a sweat shirt and pajama pants. It is snowing like crazy outside and the temperature is freezing. My kids are healthy and safe and warm and asleep. My husband is at Metrosouth playing bass. And I got out of bed,made a pot of coffee and went to church. I am in Christ, I am in church.
More than ever in my life, I am in church.

Ephesians 1:21-23Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

Written 12/21/08

Sit Down And Brace Yourself

Islands in the stream, that is what we are. No, we don't drink. Yes, we probably should.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Ecclesiastes 4: 10-12 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

The Next Season...Winter

1. Help Jay move.

2. Finally move all of our stuff into the new old house.

3. Start saving for the kitchen/family room make-over.

4. Get back into eating healthy.

5. Exercise? Sure, why not put it on the list!

6. Organize our home office.

7. Lock the Mr. out of our home office so it can be organized.

8. Learn to use my new camera properly instead of on a wing & a prayer.

9. Get a family portrait done, whether informally or at Sears we really need an update.

10. Enjoy every day for what it offers instead of concentrating on what it lacks.

Pic: Greenfield Village near our home.

UPDATE: Dean's mom is doing much better today, has been taken off of the BiPap and hopes to be discharged tomorrow. Thank you all for your prayers and love!

Dean's Mom

Dean's mom lives in Alabama and his sister called to say that yesterday she was taken by ambulance to the hospital. She was having difficulty breathing and felt like she was having a heart attack. Her lungs have filled with fluid and she has been placed on a BiPap. She's struggling against it and the doctors have informed her that the next step is to put her on a ventilator. Please pray for her healing and recovery. Dean's dad is 81 and Dean's sister lives near them. We are waiting for updates to decide if we need to head to Alabama. Thanks in advance for your prayers, her name is Marthena (Marty.)

Merry Christmas To Me

For all of my life Jesus has been the center of Christmas. With lean or prosperous times the truth of His miraculous birth has been the constant. There has never seemed to be a contradiction between the humble stable birth of my King and the extravagance of the season. Can we really celebrate elaborately enough to convey this event? After all, as I heard on the History Channel this week; the world celebrates the birth of Christ continually despite itself. The very clock upon which our calendar is based began to tick at his birth. I have never had to stop and remind myself of the reason we celebrate. It is all of a piece for me.

What has changed is that my spirit has expanded to embrace a miracle greater than a virgin birth or a star to announce the arrival of Messiah. At one time, this is where the inconsistency laid. I knew He came as a baby to save us from our sins and that compels us to commemorate, remember, celebrate and acknowledge him. Christmas always been for you Jesus. Because of you Jesus. Unto you Jesus. It is different now.

Christmas is for me. Quietly and slowly over those years that began at his first cry of mortal life, I stopped being caught up in the fact of his birth for my salvation. I am much more enamored by a different idea these days...his birth because of his love for me. This Jesus who looked at the star of his creation and chose to be clothed in the very flesh he wraps us in. To hear of love and to suddenly be taken by it like a wave crashing over you are two very different things. It changes the tasks of the season from preparation to celebration. Not for one or two days, for every moment of being reminded; he loves me. Like Holy Communion each ornament hung, each gift wrapped and cookie baked and "Merry Christmas!" offered is a matter of 'this do in remembrance of me.' To remember love.

For God so loved the world that he trusted us enough to hand frail and foolish human beings a vulnerable baby boy saying, "I know you will do the right thing." For God so loved the world that he allowed a wicked and cruel humanity to torture and kill a young man who was doing nothing more than representing his father saying, "I know you will see the truth one day." For God so loved the world that he welcomed home this child he had offered to us but held the curtain around the throne room open for a fearful and distrusting humanity to slowly realize our terrible mistake saying, "I welcome you in to my embrace when you're ready."

The salvation gained through the birth of the Christ child is one part peaceful knowledge of my future and one part admission that I cannot begin to grasp my own redemption from this side of the veil. But being loved this much with a love that does not wait for the final judgement day to be fully expressed has changed Christmas for me. The weight of the world would crush me if I thought it would only be lifted when I die. I do not have enough faith for that kind of salvation. I am not saved by a promise of heaven only. I am daily saved by love.

Christmas is for me now. A celebration of all that I have gained through the love of God. I have gained many things in my life that will remain for my children and grandchildren to sort through. These are not the evidence of being loved. The life within me that cries out with joy, "My God and My Savior!" is the reason for the season.

These chains are gone, I've been set free. The chains of rejection and fear; chains of not belonging and not deserving; chains of wondering if life will ever taste good to me. These chains are gone.

The calendar that marks the days and years of the world tells my story. When Jesus drew his first mortal breath, the chains that held my life locked within itself fell away. Christmas means I have been in love for 2,009 years.

Merry Christmas to me.

Pic: Dayboyz, Jay & Mac. "Twinkle & The All Star Angel Band" 1991

John 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

A Time For Christmas Eve

I'm not one usually given to longing for the past. I look at the pictures and remember the times as a blessing with which I was honored. I'm fine with moving forward. But this morning I awoke at a little before 7:00 a.m. thinking of my Grandma Tookie (Trent.) She was the Christmas Eve Queen. Every year of my childhood the evening of December 24 was spent at the home of my dad's parents. Call it the vantage point of a child but I have yet to experience a Christmas Eve to compare to those days. And this morning, I miss my Grandma. This is her first Christmas Eve in heaven.

I can't recreate her Christmas Eves because she served heaping platters of delicious cold cuts and fresh bakery breads with cheese to make the most marvelous sandwiches. Jay can't eat bread so we've established the Mexican Christmas Eve here. For the Mr. and Daboyz it's a tradition they treasure but for me...it's just a notch below what Christmas Eve used to be.

This is my forty first year of awakening on Christmas Eve morning thinking of the Trents; Grandma, Grandpa and Kathy. This day always held the promise that a few blocks away the most magical moment of the year was taking shape. Christmas music would be playing on records from the huge stereo (remember the floor models with the lids you'd lift?) Alvin & The Chipmunks...Christmas Christmas time is here! Time for joy and time for cheer! I first heard Jingle Bell Rock on Christmas Eve when we walked in and Kathy had it playing. The news would be on the television as they tracked Santa's flight around the world. Often some wonderful old movie would be put on; A Christmas Carol, It's A Wonderful Life, White Christmas... Grandma and Grandpa Trent seemed as enamored as I was, always commenting that the old movie we watched was a "good one" and "my favorite" no matter which it was. Always savoring the pilaf and salad as though they were some rare delicacy we couldn't have any other day of the year. My grandma was always decked out in a sparkly sweater and giant jewelry that she chose just for us like she was entertaining at the White House. My grandpa always hugged me too hard and kissed me on top of the head even if I had just spent eighteen hours in sponge rollers and he was flattening my holiday hair.

I think I started missing those days a long time ago, when my grandma started saying someone else could host Christmas Eve if they wanted. When I got married and had to haul kids to in-laws and my Christmas Eves could not be for William Street alone. I don't know what year she stopped sitting on the floor with the "kids." My Grandma Tookie got old, she walked more slowly and was more easily tired. Her hands shook as she ate her dinner. But she still arrived in sparkling sweaters and giant jewelry and her voice was just as strong, "Merry Christmas my Number One!" (that was for my husband, I am the wife of my grandma's number one.)

I'm not sorry Grandma's in heaven this year. My tears dried up quickly and the spirit of joy she radiated has replaced my moment of sadness. But oh, if only someday my grandchild attaches the memory of me to such a deep sense of magic and wonder at Christmas time...

Merry Christmas Grandma & Grandpa.

Christmas Baking

Every last little gift is now purchased and wrapped waiting for Christmas. On to Tuesday, baking! I have the supplies all organized on my butcher block table and will be pulling out the old antique mixing bowls shortly. Mac, his friend Lexi and maybe my niece Sarah (if she'd answer the telephone!) are my elves. We are trying lots of new stuff this year so it'll be a fabulous success or we'll have lots of globby piles of failure for the trash can. As always, the challenge is de-glutenizing Christmas for Jay. We've become pretty good at making everything gluten-free but new recipes are always approached with crossed fingers. Since his diagnosis with Celiac five years ago, we've moved from making a few specific items for him to changing the entire menu to gluten-free. So say a prayer for us and I'll share our progress! On the menu...

Cocoa crackle cookies, lemon bars, magic cookie bars, walnut balls, buckeyes for the cookie table. Mexican wedding cake for our traditional Mexican Christmas Eve dessert. For Christmas day at my mom's; corn casserole, cherry orange jello with a cream cheese layer and apple celery bleu cheese slaw. The only familiar face on the list is the Mexican wedding cake! Oh, and we bought butterscotch chips and then realized they contain gluten so we'll whip up one batch of butterscotch chip cookies with good old fashioned wheat flour.

Off I go to set up the kitchen before my elves arrive!

Christmas Vacation

Saving up days, planning ahead and a little scheduling magic with the wonderful people I work with has resulted in a wonderful gift...seven days off over the Christmas week. After working on Friday the 19th I am off until Saturday the 27th! In the old days we were all home for this week; the kids on Christmas break and myself working for the school coupled with the Mr.'s winter shut-down. It's been about five years since we've enjoyed this time together. Jay lives on his own and works this week, but three out of four ain't bad! I've done some scheduling to make the most of my time balancing plenty of relaxation and fun with doing the things I'll regret leaving undone. I'll shop, bake, cook and watch old movies. On Sunday morning I did some housework and I finished the week's laundry. On Sunday afternoon we all sat around with cook books on our laps choosing the Christmas goodies we wanted. It reminded me of books I've read about people at the turn of the century and before looking through seed catalogs on snowy days planning their Spring gardens.

With the list of baked goods we will make a grocery list. I also have a list of Christmas gifts still not purchased. It seems natural then that Monday will be list day. I'll get up early to do my shopping and hope to be home not too late. I'll make jambalaya for dinner and wrap my gifts. Then I'll set up the kitchen for Tuesday's plan...baking.

I know the week will fly by (doesn't it always work that way with time off?) Come Saturday the 27th, I hope to be rested, celebrated and baked to perfection.

December 21, 2008

Job 37:16-18 Dost thou know the balancings of the clouds, the wondrous works of him which is perfect in knowledge? How thy garments are warm, when he quieteth the earth by the south wind? Hast thou with him spread out the sky, which is strong, and as a molten looking glass?

Blizzard

1. I'm an excellent snow driver.

2. Being inside seeing the snow outside is one of the most poignantly blessed feelings of my life.

3. The Christmas lights are extra pretty.

4. I don't feel lazy about watching movies all day.

5. At night if you are very quiet, you can hear the snow falling.

6. The sun is extra bright.

7. I have a garage for my truck, no more cleaning off my car in the morning.

8. Snow crunching underfoot sounds like Christmas.

9. You need cookies for energy to keep you warm.

10. It's excellent napping weather.

A Smashing Good Time

You are all silly and very wrong. Yesterday at 7:10 a.m. I had my first ever mammogram. My doctor called with the results last evening, all is well! At least for a person whose breasts unfurl like an aisle runner when released from captivity.

Wednesday

Wanna guess what I'm doing at 7:10 a.m.?

Dear Jesus, I am very sorry I made fun of the Mr. Please fix my garage door.

Sigh. So when last we met I was awaiting the hospital maintenance guy to rescue me. Actually, two of them drove from Ferndale so that A. I could come to work and B. to save me a repair bill. They drive up and immediately say that my door is indeed all the way open. I say no, it's not. There's no way my truck will clear it. They did not argue.

Then after some assessment and discussion they explain to me what has happened. The rope thingy that hangs down (see picture) got slammed in my door and when I backed out, I pulled on it. This apparently disengages the automatic door to make it manual. This I did not know. So when the CEO of the hospital (did I mention this part?) was trying to talk me through the situation I was re-engaging the automatic door. So why did not the door opener work? Because I had parked my truck half in and half out of the garage when the door came slamming down on me and I was blocking the electric eye beam thingy! Since the door thought there was something in the way (like a Ford F-150 supercab 4x4) it would not move!

They maintenance guys told me to pull forward, I did. The maintenance guys clicked the door opener, and it worked. The maintenance guy #1 (heretofore called the nice maintenance guy) was very sweetly telling me what had happened without making me feel overly ridiculous. Maintenance guy #2(heretofore called mean maintenance guy) was taking our picture with his digital camera.

If you think that's as absurd as the story gets, I called my mom 2 hours after alerting her to my situation to tell her I'm on my way to work and she says, "Boy, you've been trapped in the garage all this time?"

No! I was not trapped in the garage but if my mother thought I was, why did she not come by to help me or at least slide a Dunkin' Donuts under the door!

The lesson is even the mean maintenance guy is more concerned for my welfare than some people who shall remain nameless!

Meanwhile, everywhere I walk at the hospital people are shaking their heads and laughing at me. I think the maintenance guys might've told on me.

OH! and by the way, the nursing staff called my cell phone mid drama to ask me if Ethel and I were stomping grapes and the Social Work Director called to ask if I had any Vitameatavegamin left for Christmas gifts!

Mr. Can You Hear Me?

After a much needed quiet Sunday following shopping on Saturday, there is nothing much exciting to report so I will reach into the archives to share this story of the Mr. circa 2 weeks ago.

The Mr. was working on our bathroom and having various lumbers and such to cut and paint and perhaps even spackle (!) he decided to work in the garage. Being that it was freezing to a million pieces in the garage, he decided to plug in the space heater. Being that he wanted to see what he was doing in great detail, he decided to plug in the utility lights. Being that he didn't want the wind blowing in he decided to close the garage door. Being that he didn't want thieves to break in and steal our lawnmower he had already nailed the side door shut. Being that he wanted Donny to be able to come and go as he pleased he left the garage door about two feet open.

Being that he is the Mr., the circuit blew and he was trapped in the cold dark garage. Being that he is more than two feet in circumference, he couldn't get out.

He's still in there.

KARMA UPDATE: It is Monday morning and I am trapped in my garage. Apparently the MR. escaped because he's not in there any longer. Actually, my truck is trapped in my garage. I apparently caught the hanging down rope thingy in my door and then when I tried to back out the door came down on the back of my truck. Now it's stuck. I have dislodged the hanging down rope thingy and hit the button several times but it won't go up. I tried to force it manually without success as well. The light on the door opener did flash on and off a few times but I think that might be a bad sign. So my truck is trapped and I had to limbo out of the garage since the door is trapped at the half way down position. I am sure there is a manual over ride on the sucker but doggone if I can find it. I had to actually share this story with my boss to explain why I'm not there yet. AND I look very cute this morning wearing new Mary Jane clogs so it's a shame I'm spending the morning wrestling with my garage. HELP!

UPDATE UPDATE: The maintenance guys are on their way here from work having attempted to talk me through pulling on some thingy to disengage some other thingy and it didn't work. And they are bringing a camera.

December 14, 2008

Matthew 2:1,2Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.

Christmas Wisdoms

1. Don't get your panties in a twist about Santa vs. Jesus. They both think you need to lighten up.

2. Eat a freakin' cookie. Diet on January 2.

3. There is no such thing as too many lights on a Christmas tree.

4. Buy new pajama pants. Wear them to Christmas dinner.

5. Grown-ups need stockings too. Ahem!

6. Commemorative anythings will not increase in value.

7. Never "skip it this year." Traditions die quickly.

8. Christmas carols sung the old-fashioned way are far superior to new and improved versions.

9. People who do not watch Christmas specials will not go to heaven.

10. Kielbasa trays are fabulous.

ALRIGHT!

The Mr. has been pestering me for two weeks so I guess I'll break down and go Christmas shopping this weekend. No, I have not started shopping yet. I really don't love Christmas shopping. Especially when it starts to become the purchasing of items for the momentary satisfaction of a pile of boxes to unwrap but really represents the waste of money. I can't even come up with three things I want for Christmas and frankly, can't come up with three things to buy the Mr. or daboyz! So why do we need to go looking for Christmas gifts? For heaven's sake, I got a house this year!

I do need to pick up some gifts for certain individuals but my style is to make my list, hit the stores quickly and get out. If I have to wander the aisles looking for something, anything to buy; I'm outta there. Mid summer I'm always ready to do my shopping and the Mr. pretty much refuses. Mid December he's ready to do the shopping and I don't want any part of it. But Christmas is going to be here and as I said, there are a few items I do need to take care of. So when he comes home tonight and again says, "We need to go Christmas shopping!" I will embrace the spirit of the season and reply,

"ALRIGHT!"

And may all your Christmases be white.

P.S. Sta'; never buy the optional books.

Hello. Good night.

Just a short & sweet hello good night! I am on the last leg of 60 hours of either being physically at work or on over night call so I'm pretty tired. It's not that I'm up all night so much as that I have to do staffing and check with the hospital periodically so I'm not really sleeping well either. Wednesdays are always my long days at the hospital anyway so until tomorrow night at 8:00 p.m.; I'm "working."

Thanks to all of you who prayed for Rob and Amy. He's home recovering now and we ask for your ongoing prayers.

As for me, I'm gonna iron some work clothes for tomorrow and give the units a call.

Sleep tight.