Our Adventures

No, we didn't do anything terribly exciting today.
Slept in and sipped coffee, or in the Mr.'s case tea, and took our time getting moving. Did all the laundry and ran a vacuum before leaving the house.
We went to Garden Ridge and picked up a few little things, nothing too grand. Tried to buy an ottoman but they didn't have the color we wanted. We repurposed a few household items by giving them a fresh coat of paint and brought a pretty painting for the family room wall. Kathy saved me a Hudson's menu before they sold out to Marshall Field's to remember the days when we used to lunch there; finally framed and hung it.
We went to a local coney joint for lunch. Made rice-sghetti for dinner with salad fixin's from the garden and that was pretty much the day. But it was a lovely day despite the lack of bells and whistles. I'm going to go clean the kitchen and then take a shower. Tomorrow morning we're both back to work and the regular daily stuff but that's ok.
I think I'll call this one a perfect Monday.

Small grace: Holding hands.

Ricky, I'm home!

This is one of those sweet moments where I feel completely peaceful and happy. I worked the weekend and went off the clock fifteen minutes ago, at 8:00p.m. Yay! The Mr. and I have been working on our Ricardo room pretty much constantly for two weeks and it's more or less done, just a few little details to tend to. Now we can sit back and enjoy how fabulous it looks!
Add to that the fact that Dean has a vacation day tomorrow and I am off, no major house chores demanding our attention means a really truly day off day off. I am going to wake up to my wonderful home and what is sure to be a cool morning in Connecticut, Michigan. Best of all, we'll wake up together and have a whole day to ourselves. A movie? Stay home and relax? Who knows? I just know that on Monday there is no alarm clock, no kissing good-bye for the next twelve hours and a cup of coffee waiting for me and my favorite guy. I'm thinking of it as a twenty four hour date.
The memories (and aggravation) of working the weekend are already getting fuzzier. My real life is back in focus.
Believe it or not, I can't wait for Monday!

Danny: His arm has not been amputated, the doctors continue to attempt other means to fight the infection. None of the skin grafts (live or cadaver) have been successful. Today he is scheduled for surgery and we will hear this evening what the update is. His prognosis has not changed.

Small grace: Windows. Seriously!

Psalm 105:3-5
Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp. Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs. Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.

1. Woke up with a sinus headache.
2. Working.
3. The Mr. is gonna put the finishing touches on the Ricardo Room.
4. I think Fall is here.
5. Mr. having a Fantasy Football draft here tomorrow.
6. Facebook says I'm a doormat. Who knew?
7. Read "The Almost Moon" by Seibold. Excellent although disturbing, like everything she writes.
8. Need to get to the hairdresser.
9. I HAVE TO GET BACK ON WEIGHT WATCHERS!
10. Happy Saturday!

Late Summer

Fifty nine degrees this morning as I sip my coffee! It rained overnight, such a pretty sound. The mornings are cooler and the days are edging away from eighties as we speak. The air tastes different, does that make sense?
I remember very clearly in March thinking that winter would be the end of me! In April I started to think I might survive. In May I anxiously awaited t-shirt wearing, no socks warmth. I'm not exactly tired of summer but when I awaken to the obviously late season morning, I love the way the crisp air feels when I inhale.
Today I am thanking God for the gift of enjoyment. I'm grateful for the ability to notice the wonderful things He surrounds me with and that even when all of life is not framed in perfection, beautiful details are visible to my naked eye. When I sat down in my quiet Ricardo Room, it was almost too cool with the windows open. That made the steamy cup of coffee in my hands even nicer by contrast.
And the Holy Spirit said, "Enjoy this."
Whatever your day looks like, relax your brow and look a little deeper until you find something lovely. And enjoy it.

Danny

has pneumonia plus has developed a local infection in his right arm. The doctor describes the bones of his forearm as "charred" and today they will decide whether to amputate. The cadaver grafts as well as live grafts they have attempted have all failed. He is being intermittently weaned from the ventilator and was able to breathe independently for two hours yesterday but remains comatose. The medical team have advised the family to make final arrangements.
Our dinner went really well and it was wonderful to spend a few hours together. Your prayers have been shared with everyone and are much appreciated. Will keep you updated.

Siblings

Dean's has one sister and four half siblings. His two oldest sisters, from his dad's first marriage, are coming over for dinner this evening. One lives in Alabama, the other in North Carolina and they are here to be with Danny. This is sadly one of those situations where family number one and family number two never blended. Dean has few memories of these two brothers and two sisters. Before the last few months there has not been any contact to speak of. But now with their father's illness and the injuries of their brother, these adult siblings are trying to figure out how to be a family even if it is forty something years after the fact.
I'm getting ready to make pilaf, salad and dump cake. When the Mr. gets home he'll throw some flat-iron steaks on the grill. Hopefully they won't judge the Ricardo room too harshly as all of the painting isn't done and a few of the cabinets still lack doors. I think they'll overlook it. After waiting for all of these years to reach out there are more important things to worry about. I'm glad they are coming over. In a few years the parents who made the decisions that shaped the lives of little boys and girls will be gone and grown up men and women will be left to decide if there is a family underneath all of the disappointment. I believe that God has plans for the Smith kids, all six of them. That might just be part of the beauty that will arise from the ashes of a declining dad, an injured brother and a second brother who is in desperate need of a liver transplant.
I am thanking God for the opportunity to watch those who remain finally hold hands and stand together as siblings.

A friend at work recently asked for my assistance in planning a dinner party. She was hosting four couples plus herself and her husband. She asked for my input because one of her guests has Celiac Disease. Her goal was to create an entirely gluten-free menu that was also delicious so that the guest in question would not be limited to a few special items and also, so that there would not be undo attention to her condition. How very thoughtful. Needless to say, she came to the right person! We put together a wonderful menu without any restricted dishes and her party was a great success. Of course, her attention to this special consideration did not go unnoticed and was hugely appreciated.
I have read in more than one book regarding Celiac Disease, that the person with the condition has every right to expect to be accommodated when invited for a meal. You know what, call me ungracious but I completely agree. There are few things that make me angrier than arriving with Jay to a gathering to have the host announce with a smile..."I didn't know how to make gluten-free food so there probably isn't anything you can eat!" Believe it or not, this happens with some regularity. So Jay sits at the side with a cup of pop, starved and pretends he isn't hungry or offended. Well, I am offended. I'll even bring a dish along or make some easy suggestions if you need a hand. The books advise after experiencing some such situation more than a few times in which the individual hasn't even attempted to be sensitive to the Celiac patient's needs, to politely inform the person that you will not attend any future functions as they do not accommodate the required dietary considerations. I agree with that stand.
Dean's folks are fancy hosts. They always set the table with table cloth and linen napkins. Never will you be served cans of pop! Iced tea in a glass pitcher on the table. Food is always transferred from cookware to formal serving dishes. Of course, all of this is in a setting of pots, pans and dirty dishes piled high around you in the kitchen where the meal was just prepared!
I'm a hostess who takes some aspects of the job seriously and others not so much. I always have Cremora for my mom and artificial sweeteners for diabetics. A pot of coffee is always brewed for guests that I know enjoy it and offered to those about whom I am not certain. If I know someone has special dietary needs, I check with them for their preferences and do my best (including internet research) to accommodate them. I never want to be a host who requires my guest to choose between the food I serve and their health. If someone is trying to loose weight, I include low calorie options without making an announcement like, "All the fatsos need to eat from this dip bowl, it's low fat you see! Only 10 calories per table spoon. Hey, you have 2 tablespoons there! Slow down Skippy!" And yes, such has been my experience as well. Oh, and diet as well as regular beverages are always stocked.
I believe that a clean house reflects my respect for my guests so if I'm planning an occasion a good scrubbing is part of the prep work. If we are planning a meal, I schedule it at the beginning of the allotted time in case people are not intending to settle in for a long visit. I try to include in my invitations time to arrive and when we'll start dinner. On the guest side, I take arriving at the appointed time seriously and if I'm late; don't hold dinner for me.
As for the finer details, I'm pretty casual. We are too large of a family to have sit down meals at the holidays so in general it's buffet style. I am not opposed to offering drinks and then encouraging my guests to help themselves to the fridge. With the increasing number of people increases the probability of paper plates and cups. Then again, the food dictates the need for "real" plates sometimes.
I may cook everything or order pizza. More than likely I'll shoot out an e mail and we'll all pitch in dishes.
So what kind of host are you? Sit down meals with candles and china? Pizza on napkins? How do you deal with special diets? Would you ever ask a guest to contribute to the meal? Do you feel that people with particular preferences should bring their own food?
If you're inviting us over, please let me know if I need to bring something for Jay!

Small grace: I made soup!

Danny: Has pneumonia, doctors are predicting a 20% chance of survival.

Everything

Today I knew when the alarm clock sounded that I would not get everything done. It isn't that I couldn't get everything done. In fact, leaving work yesterday not having gotten everything done I knew good and well I could simply turn around, walk back inside and get everything done. But I didn't. Instead I drove home and ate a Popsicle in the Ricardo Room. I did finish my Popsicle. And that wasn't even on the list.
I also know that I will get things done in an order that only makes sense to me. Were I to be interrogated by the time management police, they would be very irritated with my decisions about what gets pushed aside. For instance, I am going to make soup at some point this week. Veal, tomato broth, fresh basil, brown rice soup. Soup is high on my list. There is also a distinct possibility of grilled Colby Jack cheese sandwiches to go with, fresh tomatoes will go nicely. Lemonade as well.
Some of the paperwork on my desk will be done, this is for certain. In fact, let's say all. All of it will be done by Sunday. I'm working this weekend so I feel confidant that two days without meetings will make this a reasonable task.
On the probable list is finishing some painting in the kitchen and hanging valances on the back door and back window. Ooh, I need to clean out the fridge too. That goes in the "we'll see" column.
The reason that I will absolutely not get everything done is that things without list reservations keep showing up forcing me to shuffle my list. For instance, the bird feeders must be filled today. I had not scheduled that in but there it is. And I realized as I watched my coffee brew that I must choose the arrangement of wall hangings in the Ricardo Room. This is no small task and the only responsible way to go about it is to sit down on the sofa and contemplate the walls for no less than thirty minutes. Wouldn't want my wall hangings to appear uninspired. And I just the other day invented a new arrangement for the throw pillows on my bed. Now I must pause in the hallway several times a day to admire the bed.
Of course, with the Ricardo Room re-do and the C.S. Lewis Room rearrangement, one must spend adequate time in the C.S. Lewis Room enjoying its new vibe. The C.S. Lewis room is understandably perfect for reading and one must never read less than an entire chapter. Unless one is some kind of oaf, which I am not.
I noticed yesterday at work that my nails are the perfect length and shape for a French manicure. There is a slight possibility of multi-tasking ie manicure whilst bird watching but really, wouldn't that interfere with responsible bird watching? You see the dilemma. There are ethics to be considered.
You can clearly see why I cannot possibly get everything done. When it comes down to a French manicure vs. soup making; what is a girl to do?
As the old saying goes...soup will out.

Small grace: Cool mornings.

Danny...

has developed pneumonia. I believe that God is using this time of stillness in his body to minister to his spirit. I am thanking God for this tragedy that the Holy Spirit is redeeming.

On My Plate

Lately I feel like one of those circus types, spinning plates. It's with no small measure of thankfulness that I report that most of these plates are piled high with wonderful things. We're in the last leg of our interior re-do of our new old house; wrapping up the summer season out door tasks and looking forward to moving life indoors. Not buying flowers and gardening supplies, instead looking at paint and draperies. Tending to the garden and happily bringing in tomatoes and basil and parsley. Watching buds miraculously turn into green peppers and cucumbers.
With the wisdom of getting older, we are buying less new stuff and finding ways to reclaim old furniture and cabinets for a second or third or fourth life and realizing that the mellow warmth far exceeds the shiny new stuff that used to claim my attention.
Of course, there is my brother-in-law, Danny. He is constantly on our minds and has reminded me what praying without ceasing feels like. Tears and fear have turned to peace and confidence; always the result when ceaseless prayer takes its place.
The in laws are preparing to move for once and all. We will travel to Alabama the last Friday in October, pack them up on Saturday and drive home on Sunday. Moving in to the apartment we reserved for them a few days ago on Monday, November 1 (or is it the second?) Dean's cousin, Paul, will ride down with us to drive the U Haul back to Michigan so that we can both ride with the folks in our vehicle. The goodness of people never ceases to amaze me, a twelve hour drive alone in a U Haul to make our trip easier. Dean's mom feels she cannot part with her "stuff" so we will move it all here and the Mr. has informed her that when the small retirement apartment is full, that's it! In the meantime, we have repurposed our furniture and space and created a spot in the C.S. Lewis room for her piano. The piano that Dean learned to play on, sat next to his mom and sang hymns and has been central to their lives for forty years will find a new home in our lives. She was at loose ends knowing there was hardly room to bring it but not wanting to leave it behind. I think she's happy that her piano will not be lost. Although I can't compete with the Southern Gospel stylings of Marthena, I will one day surely be plunking out Silent Night with a grandbaby on my lap.
Just a little more dressing of the kitchen and family room and our re-do will be complete. In a few weeks with a few more dollars saved we'll change out the counter top. Labor Day will be sure to host a family barbecue, already being discussed in fact. Tom's birthday is on the calendar (Trish's Tomer), Mac's a few weeks later. Our anniversary trip to Marshall might be rescheduled to accommodate the Alabama convoy. The weather will turn by degrees until the garden finally falls asleep and the lawn furniture is put into the garage. Grape lights on the deck will be dimmed and candles will be lit in the family room to glow against the dark windows.
Life and schedules will change as we settle in to caring for Dean's parents while maintaining their independence, what will that look like?
I can already imagine my Christmas tree in the family room that holds few echoes of my grandparents, those only in my memories. Will we attend the funeral of Dean's brother before then? Will we skip our Marshall trip altogether? Will it be harder, happier or both to care for the Smiths than we imagine?
I don't know. But the seasons are unfolding as ever. I do know this...in a few months I will put my Grandma Trent's Christmas tree in my Grandma Gerhardstein's living room. I'll sit down at my Mother-In-Law's piano and plunk out Silent Night. The way I see it, you can only have a lot of plates to keep spinning if you have a lot of plates in the first place. Even if there are cracks, chips and mismatches; the Lord makes all things beautiful.

Danny: Thank you all for your ongoing prayers on Danny's behalf. I can truly say that I feel the battle in heavenly places and that I am confident in victory. There is no change in his condition right now. He remains unconscious and heavily sedated. The doctors are grafting cadaver skin in the attempt to control fluid loss.

Psalm 4:8
I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.

Saturday Day

1. Continuing to pray for Danny.
2. Rainy & cool. Feels like Up North.
3. Coffee.
4. Family room is almost done! Welcome to Connecticut!
5. Background colors of my blog match my re-do.
6. The Mr. is installing the floor. Come on by and help, it'll be fun!
7. My house is slightly better organized then yesterday.
8. Doing laundry in the basement since upstairs is under construction.
9. Song I currently can't get enough of... "Yahweh" by The Hoppers.
10. This is the day that the Lord has made. I want to live to make his efforts worth while.

Danny

Dean just spoke briefly with his sister. Danny remains unconscious and because of the extent of his injuries there is really nothing that can be done in terms of grafting. It seems that barring a miracle he will not survive.
I don't know the state of Danny's relationship with the Lord, but as you take him before the throne please pray that he will be reconciled to Christ. If his healing comes in the form of heaven, we will rejoice.

Thanks.

That's Me In The Corner

I think maybe I need to change my religion.
I suspect I am worn out with the whole thing at the moment. I'm not looking for a different doctrine or savior but a different expression. Actually, I'm looking for a peace-be-still kind of religion.
There is a Lutheran church a few blocks from my home, a big old stone building with bells I can hear from my back yard. I have no idea what goes on inside of this church but I find myself imagining hymns and sermons with thees and thous. If you'll please forgive me, I am longing for worship without projection screens. I feel hungry for an experience that is so low-key you have to be invested at the heart level to enter in because there's nothing to woo you. It's all a matter of choosing to worship as opposed to being caught up in it. I wouldn't mind an old lady on the organ and a gentleman at the pulpit leading the congregation in ancient songs without benefit of band or back-up.
I have a craving for something solemn and rich. For the King James Bible. For a place where there is no organized community so much as just rightness that compels outreach. I yearn for a sermon that no one would find on the Internet and that isn't inspired by the latest shining book in the window of your local Christian bookstore.
I don't want religion to out shout the world. I want it to quiet me and envelop me.
I want it to be entirely different from everything else I see and hear and touch.
Where do I find that?

Update: No changes with Dean's brother at last check-in yesterday. He is in the burn center at University of Michigan Hospital. Please continue to pray for him. Thanks.

Small grace: Hearing old gospel songs that are long past cool.

Please Pray

Dean's oldest brother, Danny, was seriously injured in an explosion at work yesterday. He was life-flighted to University of Michigan Hospital and is comatose with burns over 75% of his body, 55% of which are third degree. The out of state siblings are flying in tomorrow.
With Dean's dad's Alzheimer's, it's hard to know the correct course of action but we will tell his mom and ask her to pray for Danny on dad's behalf. We don't think his dad should be told what's happened.
Please pray with us.
Update: The doctors have informed the family that if Danny survives until noon today that will be the point when they will start looking at a possibility of survival. Danny is Dean's half brother from his dad's first marriage and there has never been a close relationship although recently Dean and his half sister Diane have reconnected because of their dad's illness. Dean's dad has been told but is very confused and thinks it is Dean who is injured. I'll keep you updated as I hear information. Thanks for your offers of help, at the moment I think prayer is all that we need. We're both off work so we'll be in touch. Love you guys...

Home is...

A place to store your stuff? A roof to block the rain? What is the function of your home? Mine is my retreat. It's the battery charger to my soul. My haven. I hear people talk about their need to exercise, have a night out or get a facial and I don't need any of that. I need my home. I'm not good at public life, I'm just not. I know that people might consider this a weakness and that may be true but I have come to think of it as just my personality. You don't like roller coasters and I don't like being around other people. It's not social anxiety at all. It's just that some things we do fill us up and invigorate us and other things seem to take something away. I need a steady dose of home time to fill back up what seems to sort of leak out and frankly, I can literally run out of people skills. After work and time with loved ones and social obligations, which are all good things, I run dry. Nothing left to say. No small talk. Don't really want to share my latest idea or project. I realize this reads as anger sometimes and that isn't it. No, I'm not sick either. I'm just like a wind-up toy that has wound down and now I need to be still and quiet. I need it.
I wish there was a way I could convince people that I don't want fixing. I'm not broken. At the end of a long week the last thing I want is a loud get-together with others even if the others are some of my very favorite others. Talking through my day only adds to my tiredness. In fact, sometimes I just can't do it.
I need to be at home to recharge. I need my home to be quiet and restful and peaceful. On my days off I renew myself with laundry and housework and putting myself back together. I know it's weird and I won't be offended if you think so too. But it's me and I've come to not just tolerate me but to kind of like me. I like myself enough to give myself the space I need to breathe. So I'm taking a few days off to do just that. No, I'm not depressed or sick or insane or becoming a recluse (although don't think I wouldn't like to become a recluse! Lucky recluses!) I'm going to help the Mr. finish the kitchen and family room. Going to sit outside and maybe read in my hammock. I'm not going to the movies or shopping or getting together with friends. There is a possibility I am not even going to blog. And a probability that my cell phone will be off. So if you're looking for me and can't find me, I'm at home being utterly enveloped by my blessings and the joy of this place that fills all my empty places.
Tonight the Mr. and daboyz went to a ball game and I am home alone. I can already feel the quiet filling up my loud spaces. I'm on call over night and working tomorrow and then I'm off for a few days. I'm not sure how much you'll hear from me but let me assure you that I'm utterly happy here in my quiet home. If you'd be excited for someone on a dream vacation, you can be just as excited for me.
There's no place like home.

Being A Girl

Been super busy at work and at home lately. I'm all off my groove everywhere! I'd LOOOVVVE a day or two or ten to just be still. I need one of them sabbaticals where you don't talk. So that being said, I've nothing of interest to share so here is a funny but true story for your edification...

When I was expecting Jay there was a woman at our church also expecting her first child. Being mutually pregnant, we had occasion to chat on a regular basis and share the fascinating updates of growing a human being. One day she told me the story of learning what it would mean to "become a woman." You remember those special sessions in fifth or sixth grade when the boys went in one room and the girls in the other to learn about the beauty of puberty? Both this woman and I had been raised in strict Pentecostal homes and were equally naive about the ways of such things. She, however, out-naived even me. I was simply appalled at these legends of menstruation. She decided to leap into action!
Now knowing that this horrible and unthinkable curse was due to descend at any moment, my friend was determined not to be caught unaware. So she went into her mother's bathroom to find a feminine napkin as her plan was to wear it around the clock in preparation for her visitor.
And wear it she did.
Right over her belly button.

Watch therefore, for you do not know when the master of the house is coming—in the evening, at midnight, at the crowing of the rooster, or in the morning—
Mark 13:35

The Best Things About My Job

1. My new green office

2. Wearing scrubs (yes Sta', I do!)

3. My work husband

4. Our prayer team

5. The commitment to a just culture

6. Helping people beyond helping

7. Laughter

8. The maintenance guys who tell me how gorgeous I am

9. Nicknames-Captain, Que Sera Sera, Smith, The Brain (as in Pinky And), and the ever popular NURSE!

10. Having the opportunity to work