Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A place to store your stuff? A roof to block the rain? What is the function of your home? Mine is my retreat. It's the battery charger to my soul. My haven. I hear people talk about their need to exercise, have a night out or get a facial and I don't need any of that. I need my home. I'm not good at public life, I'm just not. I know that people might consider this a weakness and that may be true but I have come to think of it as just my personality. You don't like roller coasters and I don't like being around other people. It's not social anxiety at all. It's just that some things we do fill us up and invigorate us and other things seem to take something away. I need a steady dose of home time to fill back up what seems to sort of leak out and frankly, I can literally run out of people skills. After work and time with loved ones and social obligations, which are all good things, I run dry. Nothing left to say. No small talk. Don't really want to share my latest idea or project. I realize this reads as anger sometimes and that isn't it. No, I'm not sick either. I'm just like a wind-up toy that has wound down and now I need to be still and quiet. I need it.
I wish there was a way I could convince people that I don't want fixing. I'm not broken. At the end of a long week the last thing I want is a loud get-together with others even if the others are some of my very favorite others. Talking through my day only adds to my tiredness. In fact, sometimes I just can't do it.
I need to be at home to recharge. I need my home to be quiet and restful and peaceful. On my days off I renew myself with laundry and housework and putting myself back together. I know it's weird and I won't be offended if you think so too. But it's me and I've come to not just tolerate me but to kind of like me. I like myself enough to give myself the space I need to breathe. So I'm taking a few days off to do just that. No, I'm not depressed or sick or insane or becoming a recluse (although don't think I wouldn't like to become a recluse! Lucky recluses!) I'm going to help the Mr. finish the kitchen and family room. Going to sit outside and maybe read in my hammock. I'm not going to the movies or shopping or getting together with friends. There is a possibility I am not even going to blog. And a probability that my cell phone will be off. So if you're looking for me and can't find me, I'm at home being utterly enveloped by my blessings and the joy of this place that fills all my empty places.
Tonight the Mr. and daboyz went to a ball game and I am home alone. I can already feel the quiet filling up my loud spaces. I'm on call over night and working tomorrow and then I'm off for a few days. I'm not sure how much you'll hear from me but let me assure you that I'm utterly happy here in my quiet home. If you'd be excited for someone on a dream vacation, you can be just as excited for me.
There's no place like home.